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WHITE CANVAS
Posted: 13 March 2004
Word Count: 59
Summary: Bad day with my painting.
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Step back from my canvas
wipe the brushes clean
thought what was a masterpiece
was really just a dream.
Turn my head everyway
nothing says a thing
just a splash of colour
nothing seems to sing.
So take my biggest brush
fill with white gouache,
blot out all my efforts
and my technicolour splash.
Go back and start again.
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Comments by other Members
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 Sparrow_splitter at 00:26 on 14 March 2004
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being a bit of a painter myself, this poem really spoke to me. I once spent weeks doing this massive landscape and when I'd almost finished, I realised it was complete crap. I painted over it with white and then really regretted it.
Sparrow
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olebut at 10:37 on 14 March 2004
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Alice
what a great image
a couple of minor suggestions
line two add the word 'the' so it reads ' wipe the brushes clean'
and add 'really' in the last line so it reads ' was really just a dream'
and I don't think the last line of the last verse works in fact I think it rather spoils the flow of the poem.
Perhaps
So take my biggest brush
fill with white gouache,
blot out all my efforts
and my technicolour splash.
not really sure about my suggestion but hope it at least gives you some room for thought
take care, fine effort
david xx
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The Walrus at 11:00 on 14 March 2004
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Agree with David's suggestions. However, I do like the meaning of the last line but maybe it could be reworked... 'Go back and start again'? Just a suggestion. Really related to this poem. Captures the feeling of artistic frustration very well.
Good one Stan.
The Walrus
xx
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Fearless at 11:47 on 14 March 2004
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Whisky Momma Al
Nice poem (sorry, 'nice' is a skidmarky-keks word, but all I can come up with a hangover). Agree with the other's about the last line and think that the suggestion from The Walrus is a good idea.
fearless
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roovacrag at 15:13 on 14 March 2004
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Thank you all for your comments . I have rewritten and it does look better.
nice to have friends who can sock it to me.
xx Alice
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igbit33 at 13:48 on 15 March 2004
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At least when you're having a bad day at the easel, Alice, you can write a good poem about it instead!
Waste not, want not!
Ig. xx
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