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Traditional Haiku
Posted: 09 March 2004
Word Count: 10
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Orion settles
Slowly in the western skies
Farewell summer nights
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Comments by other Members
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 Skeetr at 16:07 on 10 March 2004
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John,
I'm just learning about Haiku now, so forgive my lack of critical depth -- but I enjoyed reading this and seeing in action the traditional elements of haiku -- even though, at first glance, I thought "summer" was to be the kigo, or season word, I realized that you have something more subtle happening with Orion being in the western sky and the end of summer coming on, almost autumn. It goes to show me how much this form can contain and the rewards of taking time over the so-called 'small' poem.
Best,
Smith
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Elspeth at 16:42 on 10 March 2004
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What a beautiful image, and you've encapsulated the essence of it in so few words; very impressive.
Katie
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Seahorse at 20:49 on 10 March 2004
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Very nice, I too am slowly beginning to realise how powerful haikus can be when done correctly.
Love to see and learn more!
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Lawrenco at 23:47 on 10 March 2004
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With being preoccupied with the first glimpses of spring you bring a little history ,creating in my mind sorrow and aprehension almost simultanously.Dare I say at the the same time setting an expansive vision;-More is less!!
Lawrenco.
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LONGJON at 20:33 on 13 March 2004
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Hello Everyone,
Many thanks for your comments, greatly appreciated. Being in the Southern hemisphere and having had a peculiar summer this year, we all feel that autumn has come too soon.
John P.
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Account Closed at 22:11 on 14 March 2004
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Great feeling of slowness and sense of farewell in this piece - thought the "s" sounds helped a lot here as they slow you down when reading it. Also enjoyed the way the one moment seen here actually points you towards the turn of the seasons and the autumn of life.
Anne B
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gard at 21:39 on 21 April 2004
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Hi LJ
this is a lovely haiku, so earthy and each line flows into the next which is sometimes missing in modern haikus ( makes you jump when you get to the last line when its like that)
G
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