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Let Down Your Hair
Posted: 28 February 2022
Word Count: 90
Summary: I'm sorry - I asked you to extend but I don't think I hit the brief at all in the end....but this is what came out of it :-)
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Golden ropes
of curls
unfurl
at his feet
pale skin
silhouetted
against brick
and moon
he scales walls
slippery
with whispers
and moss
towards
green eyes
and a promise
of happily
ever after
in his mind
she sings
lips parted
notes plucked
as he climbs
with one hand
on the ledge
he looks up
and falls
as the tresses
are cut away
thorns break his fall
rip his lashes
tear his lids
‘til tears
smoke his vision
and when
he is blind
her face
is all he can see
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Comments by other Members
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 michwo at 16:45 on 01 March 2022
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This immediately put me in mind of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale, Rapunzel, Jo-Ann. The last stanza is exactly what happens to the Prince when he falls - he goes blind literally. Where your version possibly differs from the original is that the witch next door to the tower, Dame Gothel, has found out about the prince's projected climbing of the tower and not only cut Rapunzel's hair but also sent her somewhere else, so it's the witch who throws him down into the thorns,etc. when he manages to get to the top, poor man. All's well that ends well apparently in the original as he hears Rapunzel's voice singing in a wasteland, goes to her, she cures him of his blindness and they both live happily ever after. God knows what happens to the witch, but, knowing the kind of tales the Brothers Grimm collected, we can only imagine it won't have been nice. If the prince can be taken as a mooning representative of 19th century Romantic love, you've described him to a T! (cf the Simon Schama series currently being re-broadcast on BBC4: The Romantics and Us, Episode 3.)
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 Jojovits1 at 19:15 on 01 March 2022
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Good one, Michael. That was the version (proper one) I was trying to portray.
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 V`yonne at 11:16 on 06 March 2022
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Well I think that is a marvellously descriptive poem. I can see it! And it has the texture of a rope!!! which is clever.
and YOU! Congratulations on your climbing the ladder too  Hope you will still have time for us...
Now I think that Lothlorien would be interested in this one!
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V`yonne at 13:54 on 06 March 2022
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I love
he scales walls
slippery
with whispers
and moss
I think you could chip into this bit so:
in his mind
she sings
lips parted
notes plucked
from a tale
he climbs
with one hand
on the ledge
looks up
falls
as the tresses
are cut away
cos I kept thinking 'plucked' from where? and I think the divide reads better there.
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 crowspark at 10:09 on 07 March 2022
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Love the description in the first stanza, the action of the magical hair, his pale feet against the brick in moonlight.
A real sense of conjuration in the second stanza
he scales walls
slippery
with whispers
and moss
The hair is cut by the witch and he falls into thorns
thorns break his fall
rip his lashes
tear his lids
‘til tears
smoke his vision
and when
he is blind
her face
is all he can see
Love it! Send it out!
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Jojovits1 at 17:20 on 07 March 2022
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Aww thanks folks!
I am teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown until I get some staff but hopefully things will calm down in the next month or two .
And welcome back, Bill! We missed you!
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