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"A Pink Sky...
Posted: 23 February 2004
Word Count: 109
Summary: ...Of Blood And Clouds"
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Amongst the boxes of my past
I never found anything just like this
Similarities of pain and weakness
But nothing quite like this
Pictures of hanged men
Alongside paintings of sky
Old soft toys, hoarding
What little there is left
Hidden inside
Sealed, unseen
Suicide notes and
Ramblings of pain
Journal of everything
but normal
scribbled drawings
of macabre marionettes
meaningless pages of obscurity
dots, cartoons and smiley faces
fooling myself I am happy
veiled are the pages of tears and blood drops
curled up in a duvet
staring wide-eyed
a million thoughts
creating havoc
life, a canvas
a mismatch of paints
a pink sky
of blood and clouds
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Comments by other Members
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 bluesky3d at 14:47 on 23 February 2004
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Rai... Intriguing and personal images from younger days cascading into today... very strong writing.
Andrew :o)
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Rai15 at 15:36 on 23 February 2004
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Thank you very much, Andrew, I thought I'd dragged it out a bit too long, maybe not though.
-Rai-
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roovacrag at 16:49 on 23 February 2004
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Rai
No doubt you knew i would respond to this.
I did a painting of the pink sky,wild.
Also seen paintings you describe.
To an artist they look fine, just horror to the unknown. Great poem.xxxx Alice
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Rai15 at 17:44 on 23 February 2004
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Alice, I've come to start looking forward to your comments now, so thanks a lot. Glad you like it. Much love...
-Rai-
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Fearless at 21:39 on 23 February 2004
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I liked this. You're developing a fine knack for capturing the little details of life. The little things that mean nothing to mere passers by, but everything to the one with the tearful, reflecting eye.
Write on, fearless
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Rai15 at 21:43 on 23 February 2004
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Thanking you kindly, fearless. Always good to know I can make sense.
Coincidental you say 'tearful, reflecting eye' as I wrote another poem that was going to incorporate something along those lines in the title... but it didn't end up that way. Sorry for the useless drivel :). Much love...
-Rai-
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Fearless at 21:45 on 23 February 2004
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Not drivel; continue to write, to express.....
...I am minded to think, that if there were such a thing as an all seeing eye, just how much it would cry.
fearless
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miffle at 10:26 on 24 February 2004
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A strong piece Rai full of contrasts - 'Journal of everything but normal' 'pink sky of blood and clouds' I liked especially...write on, miffle ;-)
Couple of points: did you mean 'I've' (Line 2). Do you need 'deep' (Line 9) - I think 'deep' here sounds redundant i.e. would this line be more powerful perhaps without 'deep' ? To me, 'hidden' and 'inside' suggest 'deep'; also your whole poem seems to me to be about 'the deep' so why not leave it unsaid i.e. more powerful?.... Also, 'Hidden inside' is then echoed by 'Sealed, unseen' in terms of rhythm patterning...
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Rai15 at 19:12 on 24 February 2004
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Thanks both of you.
-miffle, on looking back over Line 9 I think you're probably right with the 'deep' point you made. And as for 'I've' I'm not too sure what effect I was after, but if and when I remember I'll review it.
Thanks again, much love...
-Rai-
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