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For this week`s challenge

by Jojovits1 

Posted: 02 August 2021
Word Count: 94
Summary: I'm away at the weekend to the Isle of Wight...little get away while we can. I've been trying to do more and will add to it if anything comes but so far, this is my effort :-)


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Across avocado
woodchip
Rudolf
pulled Santa
through our living room
not trusting
the chimney.
 
Before she gave him
pride of place
our mother glittered
his blushed nose,
anointing him
with glue
and fragmented light.
 
Year on year
she added to the trove
of tinsel and foil.
Heralding angels
spun by tea lights,
silver snowflakes,
paper chains.
 
I can still feel
the tight curl
of tinsel
where a strand
had strayed
too close
to the fire.
 
Our Christmases were
cheap and priceless.
An embrace of colour
that our mother
enhanced
with her glue
and her glitter






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Comments by other Members



michwo at 22:39 on 03 August 2021  Report this post
Oonah will love this, Jo-Ann. Even I love this. Your mother evidently took time out to make Christmas special.
(For 'avacado' read 'avocado' and for 'Christmas's" read 'Christmases'.)

V`yonne at 12:49 on 08 August 2021  Report this post
I do love it. I have a couple of suggestions though.

St1 could maybe be more of a Rudolf trail if the lines were longer? I know you arranged stanzas of 7 lines but:

Across avocado woodchip
Rudolf pulled Santa through our living room
not trusting the chimney.
Before she gave him pride of place
our mother glittered his blushed nose,
anointing him with glue
and fragmented light.

is still 7

Then:

Year on year
she added to the trove of tinsel and foil
heralding angels spun by tea lights,
silver snowflakes, paper chains.
I still feel the tight curled tinsel
where a strand strayed
too close to the fire.

And I think that you don't need the last 3 lines because you already included those details.

Our Christmases were
cheap and priceless.
An embrace of colour
enhanced by our mother.

What do you think?
 

Jojovits1 at 14:21 on 08 August 2021  Report this post
Yep!  Like that Oonah :-) x

V`yonne at 14:23 on 08 August 2021  Report this post
Okay so put the revision up in the FB page and I'll try and get some artwork for it laugh

Jojovits1 at 14:46 on 08 August 2021  Report this post
Will do!  Will be tomorrow when I'm back if that's ok? X

V`yonne at 18:18 on 08 August 2021  Report this post
Oh no worries xoxo


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