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by Jojovits1 

Posted: 11 July 2021
Word Count: 88
Summary: A bit of a tenuous link to this week's challenge! But this is what came to my head.

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I knew that hug
would be
our last.
Yet, with a
jolly kiss
I walked away.
The enormity of
thick in my lungs.
I should have
held you fast,
your essence
to my marrow
your final wishes
and wisdom.
I should have
begged for
one more story
of jitterbug
and dance halls.
Nanny and Pappy.

I should have
rocked you
to sleep
our fingers
a tangle
of tears
and DNA
to be taken in
passed on.
I should have said goodbye.

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Comments by other Members

michwo at 23:11 on 11 July 2021  Report this post
This reads like a very upsetting and very personal experience, Jo. Is it an elderly relative you lost to Covid or cancer or something along those lines? Perhaps you weren't allowed to say goodbye as you would have liked to. The two main emotions that come across to me from this are regret and sadness.

Jojovits1 at 23:49 on 11 July 2021  Report this post
Hi Michael.  Yes I lost my mum a few years ago to pulmonary fibrosis.  I flew out to Australia to see her and felt very “extra”.  I knew I was going out to say goodbye and to be honest, I did not have my finest hours out there through various things.

I regret that with both her and my nanny, I didn’t take in more of the stories.  Family, childhood.  We are out parents, grandparent, children.  I want stories to tell my granddaughter that she will clinge on and admire.


FelixBenson at 09:38 on 12 July 2021  Report this post
So hard Jo not to have regrets about how we handled those big losses. Trying to be brave. Or not knowing how to say goodbye - I have similar regrets with my Mum. Sometimes it is hardest to talk to the people we love the most. So, I really connected with this, and especially the part at the end. I lost my Dad fairly young. Dad liked talking about the past so he told me loads of things, but I wish I had asked more, especially about his parents who I never knew. Mum lived a lot longer but for her talking about the past was pointless, very frustrating trying to winkle info out! She was forward-looking person, not one to analyse what had happened.

So - we never get all the stories! It's so frustrating when there is no one left to ask. I do family history research to make myself feel better. I only knew one of my grandparents - My mum's mum, and the other week I found a photo of one of my Granny's sisters on someone else's family tree and I was so happy. I have never seen any photos of my Granny's siblings - she was one of 9. And her sister looked so like my Granny but different. It was a wonderful feeling to see that face. I spend a lot of time wondering about the things I don't know.

Wonderful poem - I can relate very well!!

crowspark at 11:00 on 12 July 2021  Report this post
A very good fit for the challenge to my mind. Very moving and it resonated with me.
I hope it is normal to have regrets about these imperfect events. I know I do. I worry that in many ways I am a link that will be lost in time so I am researching my family history and filling in the gaps between what the "records say" and what I remember being told or believed at the time. It can be satisfying. I recently discovered that my step grandfather grew up in the village a half mile away from where I have been living for more than half my life. I never knew until last week. Even stranger because I was born in the south and have no "blood" connections with Shropshire.
Yes, I relate to:

I walked away.
The enormity of
thick in my lungs.


Bazz at 13:37 on 12 July 2021  Report this post
A very personal and moving piece, Jo. Love the stark simplicity of how it's paced and broken up. Some lovely lines here "the enormity of goodbye thick in my lungs" and "our fingers a tangle of tears and dna." You've captured a lot here, i think it would connect with a lot of people.

I think lots of little regrets always stay with us. There's rarely a perfect way to say goodbye, or an opportunity to say everything you wished you could. Life is never neat like that sadly... That's all here in this poem though, it is immense with feeling.

V`yonne at 18:31 on 18 July 2021  Report this post
crying that's so sad crying

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