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The First Date

by Jubbly 

Posted: 22 February 2004
Word Count: 248
Summary: A very short story

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Of all the replies to his personal ad, he liked hers best.

"My name's Josie."

"I'm Bill."

Of course neither was telling the truth.

They enjoyed drinks in an unfamiliar bar and for the first time in a long time, he felt happy. He liked her, they laughed and it turned out they had a lot in common.

Shared interests, indoor bowling, chess, reading Dickens and watching ER.

So pretty, he thought as she pulled her hair high above her head in a makeshift ponytail, which he took to be a nervous gesture. She was a real maybe - not like the others.

What a terrible shame.

But he could feel the woven ligature hidden in his trouser pocket, against his thigh, just begging for a quick release date.

The excitement of what it was capable of was far preferable to a long-term relationship.

"Come back to mine?" she said.

“Why not.” He smiled.

They walked slowly through the park, footsteps marking time.

His pulse rate quickened as he linked arms with his potential victim, now he thought, now. But just as he was about to strike she planted a wet ruby red lipstick kiss on his mouth and pushed him back against a tree, trapping him with her lithsome body.

As he slid to the ground, blood pouring from the wound in his abdomen she made her escape, clutching her neat little knife safely in her hand.

Yes! She thought, Yes, there’s really nothing quite like it.

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Comments by other Members

roger at 10:38 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
Blimey, glad Ididn't pick her up. Not a word wasted, good crafting. Liked it.

Nell at 10:52 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
Julie, you have a very special talent for these short pieces, or have I said that before? I wasn't sure about 'writhing,' it seemed a bit desperate - sinuous is maybe not quite there either, but see what others think, and maybe you don't need 'fatal' either, it sticks out a bit. In the last line there's a capital Y after a full stop in 'Yes'. Great stuff, can't wait to see it on the tube!

Best, Nell.


Roger, lovely to see you back!

Jubbly at 10:59 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
Thanks Nell and Roger, all comments extremely helpful at this stage. Next time you're travelling on the tube Nell, make sure and look me up.

olebut at 11:00 on 22 February 2004  Report this post

whilst I worked the outcome out long before the end that should take nothing away from the piece. I am minded to agree with Nell about the need or otherwise for the word fatal, that surely goes without saying.

I think this would expand into a good TV play, perhaps you should think about 3 x 10 minute short palys making up a 30 minute programme.

anyway great piece

take care


Jubbly at 11:10 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
Thanks all, okay I bow to the majority, fatal has gone.

Cheers everyone

Elsie at 11:38 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
I was so relieved she did it to him first. I wonder why? Loved the line "Of course, neither was telling the truth'. Even if it was a 'normal' internet date I think that would still be the case. Very enjoyable, and aslo agree it could expand nicely.

Account Closed at 13:42 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
Yes, I liked that line too. Put us in the picture straight away. I wasn't sure about she was real not like the others - would it have made a difference? Also i was thinking real vs alien? but maybe that's my warped mind.

You definately have a talent for flashing...

haunted at 13:50 on 22 February 2004  Report this post

Wow, how you keep pumping these out i'll never know. Your muse must put in over time.

I saw the twist coming but it was still great when it happened. A clear warning to would-be killers i think!


Ralph at 15:37 on 22 February 2004  Report this post

Another superb little flash - if you'll excuse the expression. I'm wondering if reading a sexual metaphor into the feeling of the ligature against his thigh was intentional, or if it was just me (blush)... but any way...

Couple of possible typos: my grammars gone to pot, so I emphasise possible...

But he could feel the woven ligature hidden in his trouser pocket, against his thigh just begging for a quick release date.

Wasn't sure about the comma after "pocket"... maybe needs another one after "thigh" just to make it clear his thigh isn't begging, if you see what I mean... ;)

The excitement of what it was capable of - was far preferable to a long-term relationship.

Not sure you needed the hyphen...

Oh, picky things. Sorry, I'm in edit mode again today (which isn't good when your grammar's gone aglee...) Just thinking these should be heading somewhere very soon... Good luck with that!

All the best



Dee at 16:48 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
Super, Julie.

I love flashes like this… only wish I could do them…

Lithesome – oh yes! Much better… but it should have an ‘e’ in it.

Great little story.


Jubbly at 17:05 on 22 February 2004  Report this post
Thanks Dee, Ralph and Louise, these are great fun to write. I just entered this in the Beebs Flash comp with the London Book Fair tie in, so your comments have all been wonderfully helpful.



ChrisB at 19:39 on 22 February 2004  Report this post

Yes, really liked this short piece - the twist in the end really got me and I wasn’t expecting it at all.

I agree that this could be developed into a longer short story. It reminds me of the work provided by the tv show, hammer house of horrors when I was young. What seemed so innocent and normal at the beginning transformed itself into a gruesome, disturbing and bloody cold ending.

Nice work

miffle at 10:34 on 23 February 2004  Report this post
Inspiring sparsely written short-sharp-shock piece. The kind I will read over and over again as it develops further layers...Wow! nikki ;-) On the underground?

miffle at 10:35 on 23 February 2004  Report this post
Liked the irony of the title too - the first and the last date it seems!

Becca at 13:16 on 23 February 2004  Report this post
Hi Julie, you're within the 250, but I thought you could take out the line 'The excitement of what it was capable of.....' and pick up 15 more words to play with. I felt that sentence was sort of an aside. The minute the word 'ligature' came up I knew his intention, (and liked the way you could trasfer this thought to other things in the trouser area).

Jubbly at 13:22 on 23 February 2004  Report this post
Thanks Becca, Miffle and ChrisB, I've sent it off now Becca so too late, oh well, live and learn eh/


TeeFoley at 21:51 on 05 March 2004  Report this post


Just read your piece on the dating scenario. Loved it.... I know it was probably not meant to be humorous but have to say.... my imagination went wild. He was just after one thing, put his trust in to her assuming he was in safe territory, she did something dreadful. I do believe it is about time a male was a victim.

I did like that story. You kept it straight to the point. I had a picture in my mind of the whole meeting. Loved the bit that they both had things in common.

Please Please.... Carry on like this Jubbly. Excuse spelling grammar etc, dont give a shit.

luv tee xx

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