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by Jojovits1 

Posted: 15 November 2019
Word Count: 37
Summary: We're in another Mercury retrograde (often mentioned by me as "another bloody retrograde"). Stuff just goes wrong, travel plans in particular and as a dedicated passenger, this can be tedious. However, it can also be a time of looking back and reflecting. I've been doing 13 hour days this week (stock take), stressing and eating my feelings, so I'm obviously still in a bit of a retrogrady mood :-)

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White noise chatter.
My mood,
in the shiver
of irritation.
Bus delays.
The smur
of rain you
cannot see
that still
How was this
my dream?
My escape
from a town
that became
too small?

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Comments by other Members

Practicer at 10:28 on 16 November 2019  Report this post
I like the way the emotions of this poem make the reader stop and pause and then continue.  It feels as if the motion of the poem comes from outside to within and is interpreted at a subtle level with those fleeting descriptions.  I enjoyed the description of rain in this poem.

michwo at 10:53 on 16 November 2019  Report this post
;You've got my vote, Jo-Ann, but what's a smur of rain?
Is it like a smear?
Do you work as an auditor/accountant to be doing stocktaking and working 13 hour days?
P.S. Thanks for putting a link to "Squirrels" on the Flash Poetry Forum.  I've asked Oonah how to do it for myself but you've done it for me.

V`yonne at 14:09 on 16 November 2019  Report this post

My mood,
in the shiver
of irritation.

is like that 'wrinkle' you get on mercury -- a very physical desription of the element

rain is silvery too. I don't know 'smur' either but it seemed to me to be a clinging effect?

In the third stanza the silver is somewhat tarnished

How was this
my dream?

We all wonder, don't we. How'd I end up here? In this other backwater? Our travel plans through life often miss the mark.
Very nicely expressed.

Jojovits1 at 12:07 on 17 November 2019  Report this post
Thanks all. “Smur” is a word my mum always used to describe that really fine rain that’s more of a damp fog.  It’s so fine , you don’t think you need an umbrella until you realise how wet your hair is.  We get an abundance of that stuff on the west coast of Scotland.  I prefer “fat” rain myself.  Smurfy rain is just annoying!  I looked it up though and it is an actual word! 😁

I’m a purchasing manager in the food industry, Michael.  It’s amazing how people can misplace a couple of tonnes of Vit C!!!  One more stupid o’clock get up tomorrow and I’m about done, thankfully 😁

Jojovits1 at 12:10 on 17 November 2019  Report this post
Smurry rain, not Smurfy!!!

V`yonne at 12:22 on 17 November 2019  Report this post
Ah in Wales they call that 'lazy rain' (cos it couldn't be bothered going round you) laughor 'mizzle' in my neck of the woods -- I see I got it right. Smur is a good word.

Cliff Hanger at 17:05 on 17 November 2019  Report this post
Smur, mizzle. These are familiar terms to me. I love the sense of displacement in this piece. How you've moved from a town too small only to find that life itself is that. Reflective and a little bleak. In a good way.


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