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Phone a friend

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 19 February 2004
Word Count: 39
Summary: Haiku called......
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Phone a friend

my asking is out
your answering always no
my re-dial broken,

the begging bowl held
under tightly fitting mouth
silence lied aloud,

my giving is in
your apology whispered
my invite put down .



John G.Hall(C)2004






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olebut at 14:39 on 19 February 2004  Report this post
John

another good poem full of imagery

I wonder if in line two you would be better amending answering to answer or your to you

I dont think it affects the poem but may just make it scan a little easier although the slight jar throughout the poem is very effective

take care

david
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miffle at 14:54 on 19 February 2004  Report this post
John, Haiku called indeed. This is an inventive structure to my eye (?). 'silence lied aloud' sounds painful. Perhaps yes it would be time to phone a friend!? Very different in tone to the jovial sun-dappled Buddha. Write on, nikki ;-) NB if you have some tips re. writing Haiku would be most appreciated
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