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Personal challenge

by Bobo 

Posted: 14 February 2004
Word Count: 52
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The unattainable horizon
glares mockingly.
Staring with precision eyes.

Under the scrutiny of its gaze
my decision wavers.
The ground shakes beneath.

My mind's eye dares
to stare back.
No easy prey am I.

Want to take me on?

As the flames subside at eventide
I know my battle has merely begun.







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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 18:42 on 14 February 2004  Report this post
MMMM like someone who has had a tiff. Adamant to the end.Stare in my eyes and no one wins,like a battle of wills. like it.Well done xxAl
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Fearless at 18:51 on 14 February 2004  Report this post
If you think you're hard enough kid, go for it.

fearless
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olebut at 19:48 on 14 February 2004  Report this post
Lisa

I like this and some of the phrases you have used but for what it is worth I think I would change the punctuation slightly

first second and third stanza, second lines I would make the full stops commas and I am not even sure I wouldn't change the full stops to commas or perhaps semicolons at the end of those verses as well. I think by doing so you give more pace to the piece and perhaps more strength

take care

david
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Chem at 12:41 on 15 February 2004  Report this post
Lisa

If it came to a poetry contest I would never take you on - you would definitely out do me every time :-)
I like this piece and I have been looking forward to your next poem.

Em
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miffle at 14:14 on 15 February 2004  Report this post
Loved the multiple layers of the last two lines especially - 'subside' is just perfect and your tone changes ('subsides') here too to take a breath before the next onslaught. They sounded sweetly familiar which, I think, is always the hallmark of a great and resonant line. A strong psychological presence. Precision writing. Heroic tones (reminded me of something the Hobbit with the ring might have thought). 'Personal challenge' in more that one way. Enjoyed very much. Strong strident poem. Write on, nikki ;-)

<Added>

NB so inspired by last two lines just off to get a pen to jot them down!
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