8.7, 9, 9.7, 10, 9.7, 10, 10, 10, 10.5, 11, 11
Posted: 13 February 2004
Word Count: 118
Summary: i think it speaks for itself really
|
Font Size
|
|
Times gone by
But in my mind
I recall her looking at the gorgeous ones
The ones who had long blonde hair
And mascara eyes
That voluptuous loud
And white teeth smiles
That made me feel
Like I had nothing inside
Worth expressing.
Times gone by
Still I try
To be beautiful
But all I do is put on weight
Though I exercise like mad
I hardly eat anymore
Yet I pile on the pounds
I have short hair
Brown eyes
I’m not as skinny as last you saw me
Not that you looked,
Not really,
I wasn’t one of the gorgeous ones.
And I would give
Anything
For you to look at me in that way
Anything.
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 Chem at 10:35 on 13 February 2004
 Report this post
|
Oh Gal
This poem, your words, really did speak for themselves and they said volumes: how incredibly heartrending!
You may not feel gorgeous, you may never feel worthy, but let the words of Maya Angelou's Phenomenal woman uplift you. And remember who you are and what makes you special.
"I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me..."
Em
| |
roovacrag at 12:39 on 13 February 2004
Report this post
|
You are beautiful your poetry says it all.Written from the heart and thats what i like.
I was the opposite i was skinny who ate everything.Red hair and a temper to match doesn't help.You expressed this very well.Well written,well worded. xxxAlice
| |
miffle at 13:37 on 13 February 2004
Report this post
|
'long blonde hair' and 'mascara eyes' can become very dull and boring you know (!) - but I know what you mean about 'the beautiful people' and about feeling invisible and worthless in comparison and I enjoyed your poem. And how do the words of the Christina Aguilera song go? And you certainly have something worth expressing inside (everyone does)- your poem betrays you there! - Write on, nikki ;-)
| |
Lee Tee Vee at 14:33 on 13 February 2004
Report this post
|
As a bloke I may be an unwanted gatecrasher here, but I'm gonna say a couple of things. The weight thing is not the only issue. Short hair - why not grow it? Brown eyes, I love brown eyes. Everyone loves deep chocolatey-hazelnut eyes!
So back to the weight. Someone's size should not stop them loving themselves. Love yourself for who you are. Don't conform to stereotypes. Be happy. Happy people are the most attractive people. Lecture over ... loved the poem!
Lee
| |
BorderBound at 18:38 on 15 February 2004
Report this post
|
dudes, aww,
:)
lol - Lee,notice your response is different from the girls, in the sense that you took my words more literally (like the short hair)
but I agree, happy is very attractive
(and in case any of u actually care.. I'm with the person the poem was aimed at now *wide smile*)
x
| |
miffle at 18:48 on 15 February 2004
Report this post
|
I would say that we do! And yes, I agree that it is interesting that Lee spotted the practical side of things. miffle ;-)
| |
|
|
Newmark at 11:13 on 16 February 2004
Report this post
|
Border Bound
Hey, this is really good! I don't usually comment on poetry because I don't feel qualified but I do like this.
Someone mentioned the Christina Aguilra song, but this reminds me more of Pulp's Disco 2000. Anyone remember that?
| |
olebut at 16:35 on 17 February 2004
Report this post
|
nice and poignant words but beauty is the person inside not the wrapping
take care
david
| |
Richardwest at 11:46 on 20 February 2004
Report this post
|
bb jammed up at the moment so haven't time for all those tempting longer reads out there -- wow, the frustration though.
Re 8.7, 9, 9.7, 10, 9.7, 10, 10, 10, 10.5, 11, 11.
Gorgeous. Here's lookin' at ya.
Richardx
| |
BorderBound at 15:12 on 20 February 2004
Report this post
|
I have to say i'm really shocked at the feedback from this poem, as I really dont like it!!I'm not into simple poetry,
but out of intrest,
do you people prefer the simple stuff,
or something more like "cyclist" (its another of mine)
| |
Fearless at 15:14 on 20 February 2004
Report this post
|
I like whatever resonates with me. That little fact doesn't help you of course. Just write what you like bro', coz u got us reading it. Write on, on and on,
fearless
| |
miffle at 15:24 on 20 February 2004
Report this post
|
I've lost you there Gal? You really don't like the feedback OR you really don't like the poem? Re. 'simple' poetry - difficult to define...Think we all experiment as we want essentially - no one way of doing things! Miffle
| |
BorderBound at 17:08 on 20 February 2004
Report this post
|
Miff,
its always great to have feedback, personally though, a poem that doesnt need re-reading isn't usually my cup of tea, :)
and the poem, in my eyes, just isnt one that I would bother to comment on,
So I guess my point is, that i'm shocked at the amount of feedback this poem has had in comparisom to my others :) and i'm wondering if words have power when they're simple, and to the point, as opposed to full of metaphors and detail,
(its just a very random thought)
| |
miffle at 11:11 on 21 February 2004
Report this post
|
Gal,
Re. feedback - I think whether people leave feedback or not it the result of many factors i.e. it's not a measure of your poem's worth ;-)
Re. words, I think that:
We naturally incline to a particular register of words (I don't seem to use many latinate ones for now) - I don't think Ted Hughes did either in his wild world/ nature poems (?). More Anglo-Saxon (?)
We may incline towards a different register of words depending upon how we feel or the effect we want to create i.e my mum always calls me NICOLA when she is angry and nikki (or other endearments) when less dragon-clawed!
That all words have an inherent sacredness inside them (i.e. a power) because essentially they are Names and speak of creation i.e. words have mothers/ origins and once upon a time they were born. That, surely, infuses them with power (?!) The universe does not forget a birth...
That as a poet it is up to you to feel them from inside their skins and become familiar with their shades. That as a poet it is up to you to help them actualise: crack open their power - to the extent that you wish - remember to wear your goggles! Wizardry, literary alchemy of sorts!
That you are the colourist you decide how to shade each word. I.e.
words exist in relationship to self, others, other words (they're sociable creatures!). For example 'yellow' to one person might mean 'jaundice - poorly baby - worry' and to another it might mean 'daffodil - Wordsworth - lifted'. For example 'sweet sorrow' (Romeo and Juliet) - to me 'sweet' lightens the inherent weight of 'sorrow' here, lifts it up a shade...Words aren't pebbles, stones - they're more fluid, constantly morphing.
Make any sense?! Put simply, simple words can take on great power in the right structure, beside other words (think of chants for example). That said, metaphors too can leap a poem forwards into unexpected territories. Hmmm...there's no black and white here. It's a matter of personal choice...I think the trick is to experiment...There is no formula!
write on, nikki ;-)
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
