Shut down the part of the mind with words and what would you have?  Crawling across a carpet or hearing the call but not hearing your name.

Disastrous wet might be followed by wondrously dry, without explanation.  Without even “wet” or “dry” words- how would you understand experience?

Intermittent ideas mixed with reality came with mamma, dada, and all-gone.  But back then you could not tell even where you came from.

Murky mud water understanding with stories swimming around; it lasted for a while.  The words were in sentences, even tales by then.

Envy the big kids reading books as thick as a grin and reading out loud as fast as they could with no finger needed.  Up there, on the shelf was an English dictionary with Colin’s name on.

Expensive; mum said buying it from Colin cost as much as five hundred Allsorts and it wasn’t a toy and grubby fingers did not belong in there.  Five hundred Allsorts: imagine that!  Stay away from that book!

Moon light journeys from school were explained as extra classes, not mentioning detention.  Words could cover-up a multitude of sin when I was a teen.

Subdued by not being who I was meant to be, wrong face, wrong height, wrong hair I started to use words to cover-up facts, to make people laugh and to sound better than I was, or ever could be.

Direction “outward” I went to see the world and found it in Spain.  More importantly, it didn’t have parents so music was loader and liaisons longer out there in the world.

Flop was the word for my first romance.  Flop was the word for my first physical affair, but another definition applied.  Complicated was a word I started to appreciate in my mid-twenties, helped by solicitors who explained “custody” and “access” too.  I think I preferred ‘flop’.

See what words can do?  They can take you on a journey and dump you right back.  I should know: The book I research is worth five hundred Allsorts and you can find it online. 

A dictionary is the easiest place to find love.  A dictionary is the easiest place to find out its true meaning, if meaning means words.

If you want someone with definitions, I am the one.  I work all day with words as my friends and then go home to watch a movie alone, apart from that framed smile three years out of date, from when she was four.

I can explain the words; partner, happiness and child, though I cannot remember what they felt like. It took so many pages in my life to find “numb”.