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Loch Ness

by tusker 

Posted: 08 September 2017
Word Count: 58
Summary: Another short one. Not sure if I've got this right.

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I ride upon a monsters back like a
​giant eel that weaves a course to stir rippled water and
​mountains rise on either side in majestic strokes as if to
​greet a dusky dawn chorous but the monster plunges down,
​down, down into the murk and swims into a cave
where white bones eddy among in crevices.

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Comments by other Members

ronaldanne at 13:19 on 08 September 2017  Report this post
Well Jennifer, no worries about getting it right, you have gotten it right and then some.



joanie at 13:46 on 08 September 2017  Report this post
Brilliant, Jennifer.  I love the descriptions, especially all the adjectives in the first part then the last two and half lines, where the dark truth takes over!  I like the repetition of 'down', which adds to the grimness.


typo:  chorus line 4 

Thomas Norman at 14:29 on 08 September 2017  Report this post
Hello Jennifer,

I love stuff about sea monsters. This eel like one reminds me of my sea dragon "Mezarhoddyn" (don't Google it it's of my own making!) I've written 20+ short stories about his exploits.

A good long sentence with class.

Line 1 should br "monster's".


Bazz at 14:56 on 09 September 2017  Report this post
Evocative and enigmatic, Jennifer, love the imagery of mountains and bones.

Cliff Hanger at 15:37 on 09 September 2017  Report this post
Try to tame the monster and you might end up it's prey. A very engaging story. I could really feel the setting and the mythical/mysterious atmosphere of Loch Ness.


tusker at 19:42 on 09 September 2017  Report this post
Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. Well appreciated.


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