Login   Sign Up 



 

The Head

by Teuchter 

Posted: 26 July 2017
Word Count: 106
Summary: A very short piece (of which there have been many, and mostly unfinished over the years). This one is based on a true incident and one that 'smouldered' throughout my latter school life... and still to this day in some ways.


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


The Head

The other teenagers jostled and cried like seagulls circling a fishing trawler.  At their centre, we stood: he like a king, and I, his lowly serf. He pushed me; I stepped back, my sports bag slipping to the ground. He stepped forward: eyes blazing, chest pumped, his fists white. I bent to reclaim my bag just as he thrust with his “legendary” headbutt. His nose bursting on impact with my tilted head, felled him to his knees. His hands stained in defeat, and my accession cruelly proclaimed: I left the field of battle to concede to a higher court and the school’s Head.
 






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



andinadia at 17:56 on 28 July 2017  Report this post
Hi Brian

A powerful moment. I remember a similar incident, but I didn't come off so well!

I tried a few re-orderings of words. I wanted to see what it was like if the first line was the two main characters. I added the 'crown' of the head, as a hint of the transfer of power.

I wasn't sure what was meant by conceding to a higher court. It would work well if it ended with the word 'proclaimed'.

At the centre: he like a king, and I, his lowly serf. The others jostled and cried like seagulls circling a fishing trawler.  He pushed me; I stepped back, my sports bag slipping to the ground. He stepped forward: eyes blazing, chest pumped, his fists white. I bent to reclaim my bag just as he thrust with his “legendary” headbutt. His nose burst on impact with the tilted crown of my head, felling him to his knees. His hands were stained in defeat, and my accession was cruelly proclaimed: I left the field of battle to concede to a higher court and the school’s Head.



Teuchter at 18:32 on 03 August 2017  Report this post
Hi Andy. Please accept my apologies for not responding sooner — busy days just now, and no one who spends their time reading work and then commenting on it deserves a ripped-off ‘stock response’. 
 
Yes, I like what you have suggested regarding the beginning. I suppose, I was initially thinking of it from a bird’s-eye point of view (coming in from the big to the small as an opener to this, an undeniably short, piece. This is how, if oddly, in a detached way, my mind choses to remember the event. 
 
If I’m to be honest, "the crown of my head” came to me also, but in an attempt to “kill my Darlings” I dropped it. Also, I battled with the fact I was not yet ‘’crowned’’. 
 
The "Higher court” — is a difficult one as it’s still in session, as with us all. It’s how we feel about ourselves and how others perceive us, especially in our formative years. It’s true, I did gain a certain adolescent notoriety from that ‘battle’  and in a less dramatic ways also: I, you might say, winning the hand, if briefly, of the school's fairest maiden. This also brought its own frictions. Soon after, and with further unsolicited  ‘exchanges’, it all came to a head — excuse the pun — when the deposed ‘King’, who still had  minions who were willing to lie for him,  plotted until he successfully won both his and my expulsion from the school. I being framed for virtually crippling another boy in a fight, -- a fight that never happened -- quickly followed by a full on battle with my nemesis and his minions in feigned retribution. 
 
The main reason the open telling of this tale has been a difficult one for me, is, to my great lasting sadness, my father never lived to see that these rite of passage episodes were just blip in an otherwise peaceful, productive life.
 
My guilt and my cross, I both enjoyed and hated that time of my life. But, at best, it also serves as the creative ‘fuel'  for my, as yet, unfinished Bodach novel. :)
Brian.



To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .