We were on the old Queen Mary, heading back to Blighty, and I was having a cigarette with my new pal Eddie. Eddie was telling me a story about his time in New York.

“It all began when I set eyes on Gloria, the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, in the chorus of a Broadway show. As well as the usual attributes, she had bags of enthusiasm and a smile that could light up the darkest night and give succour to the most jaded soul.
I was waiting at the stage door to take her out to dinner. One of the other chaps there sidled up to me. “Weren't you at the track on Tuesday? Belmont?”
“I was indeed, with a friend of mine, Joseph.”
“Joe the Cheese. I know him. How did you get on? Did you win many potatoes?”
“Alas no, I lost all my…potatoes on Baker’s Boy, fourth race on the card.”
“Baker’s Boy! You shouldn’t listen to Joe, he knows as much about horses as my kid sister. I’ll go wit’ you next time. Get you your wad back.” 
We got into a chat about the geegees, and by the time the chorus emerged we'd arranged a return visit to the track the next day. And then there she was; my angel. But Harry got in before me. "Hiya Glo. Eddie here is desirous of treating you to dinner. Think I'll come along too, Eddie, if you don't mind. Gloria and I is old pals, ain't we Glo?" 
The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur. Harry had a great many friends, with the most unusual names: as well as Joe the Cheese there were Tommy Wheels, Phil the Pill, and Hound Dog, to name but three. When I woke the next morning, it felt as if Krakatoa were erupting in the central cortex. 
"Your restorative is on the bedside table sir," said Chivers. Man's a marvel. I was sucking it down when a knock came to the door. It was Harry, looking excessively hale and hearty. 
"Why" he said, "I didn't expect to find you in this sorry state, Eddie. The first race is scheduled to begin in a very short space of time. Just under one hour, to be exact." 
I have to admit that I'd forgotten our arrangement, but with Chivers help we were on our way in no time.
We missed the first race, but there was ample time for me to make good the previous day's losses and add to my wad, guided by Harry's good advice. We parted with a rendezvous arranged for a restaurant later that night. Harry assured me that Gloria would be there. When I got back to the old homestead Chivers had a hot bath waiting and the best bib and tucker laid out. Suitably fragranced and suited, I sallied forth into the bright lights of the big city. 
But what a sight awaited me. Gloria appeared to be canoodling with my new best friend Harry. 
I'm afraid I rather saw red. "Now look here Harry. Dash it all, old man. This is a bit rich." Harry looked up from his canoodle. “Here’s the boy! See, Glo, I told you he would not be standing us up. Eddie doesn’t forget these things. Eddie the Elephant, that’s him.” That was the last straw. I’ve always been a keen trencherman, and as a consequence tend to be a bit touchy about my weight. I'm afraid to say I snapped and put my weight behind a roundhouse punch of which Mr Dempsey, had he been present, would have nodded in approval. Harry went down, unfortunately taking Gloria with him. All conversation had ceased as the other diners surveyed the scene. “I’ll give five to two on Harry. Any takers?” I looked round and saw, at an adjoining table, Phil the Pill and Hound Dog enjoying a steak dinner. “No offence, your lordship, but Harry does not often come off second best in a ruck.”
Harry was sitting up by now and, much to my annoyance, Gloria was dividing her time between comforting him and glaring at me. “Don’t worry, Jess” said Harry, rubbing his jaw. “He sucker-punched me, that’s all. I’m ok.”
“I’m sorry to have hit you, Harry, but I think I’m due some sort of explanation. I mean, why are you looking daggers at me, Gloria? And who’s Jess?”

I didn’t know what to say, and I just stood there open mouthed while Gloria helped Harry to a chair. She was still looking daggers in my direction. “I think you’d best leave, Ed,” she said.
Back at the flat, I found a scene of chaos. My cases were heading out of the door, with Chivers supervising. He handed me a ticket to the Queen Mary. "Your Aunt Agatha called, sir. She was most insistent that you return home forthwith. We sail in three hours."
And with that, we were away. Just as well, probably. Gloria was unlikely to look upon me with favour, and I understand Harry was quite the pugilist. He'd probably be keen on a return bout. I have wondered whether Chivers might have somehow heard about the unpleasantness and taken action to ensure the young master's safety. Wouldn't have been the first time.”

My new friend looked downcast. I knew what would cheer him up. The fact he still had to unburden himself from his winnings from the racecourse never crossed my mind. “I know just the thing," I said. "I’ve met a few keen sportsmen since we left the US. Why don’t I get them together and we’ll get our own game going? Poker to your liking?”