Login   Sign Up 



 

7. Crossing

by joydaly 

Posted: 25 November 2016
Word Count: 2798
Summary: YA Psychological mystery/thriller
Related Works: 4. Crossing (revised) • 5. & 6. Crossing • 

Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


CHAPTER SEVEN
As soon as Mum’s car has disappeared around the corner from the library I take off for Breedon’s. I haven’t told her I’m spending the day there, I don’t want the questions, the paranoia. The rain has started up again and by the time I’ve reached his office, I feel like somebody has been dumping buckets of warm water over my head  Once more, I drip on his absorbent mat and meet the total indifference of Aleisha.
   ‘Hi,’ I say.
   She ignores me as she pretends to type something important.
   ‘Mr Breedon said I could go in.’ I pull the white cotton gloves that I lifted from Mum’s cleaning supplies out of my jean’s pocket.
   She doesn’t look, just points behind her.       
‘Thanks,’ I mutter and shove the gloves back, feeling stupid. I make my way to the basement door and stand at the top of the stairs, trying to see down, but it’s black. I sneeze a couple of times as I flick the light switch.
It’s a square room, about the same size as my bedroom and it’s not like I thought it would be. Old cardboard cartons in crooked stacks, spiders’ webs, chaos. No. Breedon and his ancestors must have been very organized, maybe almost OCD. Other than the fine dust motes that float in the air, there is absolutely nothing on show except for rows of steel cabinets lining each stark, white wall. A square pine table sits in the middle of the room with a straight-backed chair tucked under it.
I walk to the cabinet closest to the stairs. Each of its drawers has a white plastic card slipped into the sleeve above the handle, with a year written on it and I see that the drawers are chronological, stretching back to 1896. In the later years, there are three or four drawers dedicated to a year, but earlier on, it looks like one drawer covered each. Breedon must have sorted this; all the dates are in the same handwriting. Wow, it must have taken him weeks. Doesn’t he have a life?  
I pull open a random drawer, 1932 and can’t believe it. Each file inside is tabbed alphabetically and a quick flick through the ‘A’ file shows manila folders with streets beginning with ‘A’. The ‘B’ file holds streets beginning with ‘B’. No Bligh Road though.
Weeks wouldn’t have done it, months; he must have been at this for months, or even years. This is more than personal; this is love. I pull on my gloves.
Our address is 172 Bligh Road, so all I’ll have to do is go to the first drawer for each year and flick through the B file looking for our address. Where to start though? The beginning’s no good, because I don’t know when that was, so I’ll start at the end – with us.
   Mr Breedon has three drawers dedicated to 2017 and I pull open the first one and flick through the B tabs. There it is, Bligh Street. I still have my backpack on and I sling it under the scarred table. The chair is as bad as it looks and I wriggle my butt around, trying to find a comfortable position. I place the bottle beside my notebook, pen and mobile, but leave the lunchbox in the pack. Slipping in my headphones, I crank up the music and open the file.
Inside is the same lease document that mum and dad have. This is the original though. There is nothing different on it to ours, and I realize that it’s not going to take me any further back. There are some references behind it and I read dad’s old work one. Not much in it. Sort of like my report cards, behaviour A, effort C, but in words rather than grades. Maybe the C explains why they let him go. I keep flicking; proof of identity for mum and dad, utility bills and bank statements with almost zero balances. Unemployed adults, dependent child, no savings, no assets other than an old car and some junky furniture. Why did we get the green light?
At the end of the file there are two additional applications for the house. Application 1 is a husband and wife, both artists with excellent references and more money in the bank than we had. The second is a retired, single man. His bank account is healthier too and he has a glowing commendation from a Real Estate Agent on the Gold Coast. So, why did Breedon pass them over, give it to us?
I shut the file and push it to the side. There are no clues in here about the prior tenant or owner, so I’m going to have to go through every single year and as I look at the drawers stretching back over the last century, I’m already feeling the pain.
It isn’t until 2004 that I have a hit for Bligh Street. The place was rented for twelve months to a John and Jane Shipton and a daughter 13, Amy. Their references are like ours, not quite as povvo, but almost. It looks like they broke the lease. The rent role entries end, eight-weeks before the year is up. Breedon has written a note on the bottom. Bond refunded. NFA. A receipt shows that the final week’s rent has been directly credited to an account called the Breedon Family Trust. I make a note of that and the names of the tenants.
And 2003, nothing. 2002, nothing. 2001, nothing and it continues like this until I open the drawer for 1984. Then I have a Bligh Street, a lease form for a Mrs Louise Baxter and her son, Jeremy, age 11. Single mum I assume. Why has it taken so long between leases – twenty years, and why has Breedon – and I can see it’s his handwriting, rented it to her. He must have been young back then, probably in his twenties. Maybe she was pretty.
The copy of her bank statement is in a weird font and I’ve never heard of the Bank of New South Wales. It shows a pitiful balance, worse than ours, and she didn’t have a job either, or if she did, it isn’t on the application. At the back of her paperwork is a couple of additional applications by people that I would have chosen before her. What is the criteria Breedon is using? She’s broken her lease too; there is a note on file that she vacated the premises four months before the expiry of term and there’s a forwarding address. I write down her details and return the file to the cabinet and I have gone through another 22 years in less than an hour before I again see Bligh Street.
The year is 1962 and the lease is written out with carbon copy to a Mr and Mrs Victor Chalmers and three children, Thomas, 13, Stewart 12 and Gloria 10. They stayed a year, but didn’t renew. I write it all down as my stomach rumbles.
I’m surprised to see it’s already lunchtime and I rip off the gloves and grab my lunch box.  I make my way upstairs to reception, but Aleisha isn’t at the counter. Although there is a closed sign on the door, it’s unlocked and I stand out under the tin veranda. It’s stopped raining and steam is coming off the road like mist. There’s only one seat for the strip of shops. It’s a bench with a high back out the front of the Post Office. That’ll have to do.
On one side of Breedon’s is a newsagent, then a solicitor and on the other, a takeaway place called SINGHS with great smelling burgers and the Post Office.
As I walk past Singhs, I look in through the greasy plate glass windows and can see some boys sitting around a table in the back corner. There’s a big plate of hot chips between them. The chalkboard menu says $4.00 for a large serve.
Then the rain starts again and the bench is so close to the road that my legs are going to be saturated if I sit there and my appetite’s gone anyway. I don’t look into Singhs as I pass.
Another seventeen years of files, before I make the next entry in my notebook. The year is 1941 and the tenant is Mrs Daisy Murtag and her daughter Cecilia, aged 8. The Second World War was happening around that time; maybe the dad was away fighting. I keep reading their file. Yes, they broke their tenancy in 1945. Something to do with the war, I bet.
Pushing back in the chair, I stretch my arms to the ceiling, cracking my shoulders. I’ve got this feeling that none of the kids I’ve found are the ‘Who’ in my mind. The remaining cabinets stretch along the wall and there’s no way I’m going to finish this today.
Mum’s picking me up from the library at 4.00pm and I check my watch. It’s just after three. I’ll leave this now and see if I can find somebody at the library who can tell me what the note’s made from and when it was produced. Shoving everything into my pack, I check the room. All files replaced, drawers tightly sealed, chair tucked neatly under the table.
   Breedon ducked his head in earlier this afternoon, said a quick hello and smiled at my gloves. Then his gaze caught my bottle of water. His shoulders stiffened and his teeth crunched together; it sounded like he’d smashed some of them.
‘Spilled water will ruin my files,’ he’d said, and although his voice was quiet, it felt like he was screaming in my face.
I’d swept the bottle off the table so quickly that I almost upset it and apologized. The vein pulsing in the middle of his forehead and the acrid smile told me the apology wasn’t accepted.  I want to finish this tomorrow, but as I remember the crunching teeth, I’m not liking my chances of getting back in here. At the top of the stairs, I turn off the lights and shut the door behind me.
Breedon’s not in. When I ask Aleisha if he’ll be back, she shrugs. I hate this girl.
 
It’s raining again and I sprint to the library, but I’m still dripping by the time I reach the portico. I push through the doors and see a tall, thin woman with a long, beaky nose and tight grey curls behind the counter. Excellent, she looks vintage; she should know about old stuff. I stand on the mat, letting it absorb my drips and then step off.
She shoots a beady, disapproving look over her wire-framed glasses and I step back, letting more water run-off. When I next make a move, she offers an approving smile and I head towards her.
‘Hi,’ I say, ‘I’m Jack Simms.’
She points to her name tag. ‘I’m Delia Brooks.’ Her voice is not what I expected. It’s deep and warm.
‘I hoped you would take a look at something for me, Ms Brooks.’
‘Call me Delia; and what would this something be?’
I pull the note from my pocket and unfold it on the counter between us.
‘I want to know what it’s made from and when it was made?’
She pulls it towards her, and I can tell she’s excited.
‘Where did you get this?’
‘I found it.’
‘It’s some find,’ she says as she gently strokes the surface. ‘I haven’t seen a piece of this since I was working at the State Library, forty years ago. Normally, it’s on book covers.’
‘What is it?’
‘It’s vellum, Jack, and from the texture and feel, I’d say it’s calf skin.’
‘Calf skin?’
Her chuckle matches her voice. ‘Doesn’t sound very nice, does it? Maybe that accounts for its lack of popularity these days. Only a few manufacturers in the world still produce it.’
‘Can you tell when this piece was made?’
She shakes her head. ‘We’d need some complex equipment to determine that, but I’d guess it was probably produced back in the early 19th century in England. What is very interesting though is the ink that has been used.’
‘Orange.’
‘Not actually orange.’ She turns to the computer on her desk and her fingers become busy. ‘Here.’ She swivels the screen around and taps it.
On it is a vibrant, bright orange panel. I hold up the parchment and compare the colours. ‘Wow, it’s a match. How did you know?’
She shrugs, but I can tell she’s pleased. ‘Librarians, Jack. It’s surprising what they’ll explore with their time. So, we have a match. Therefore, regardless of how old your piece of parchment is, the words written across it must have been placed there after 2008,’ and she points to the label under the orange panel.
Vermilion – Introduced 2008
‘But that can’t be right,’ I say.
‘Why not?’
‘Because...’ I stop. Why can’t it be right? Because the parchment and tin are old? Because there was a mat of green over the pavers? Jungles grow quick and it wouldn’t be impossible to get your hands on an old tin, or vellum, especially in this town. There’d have to be heaps of attics and old boxes filled with great-grandma’s junk and not just attics. When we moved in, a corner of our garage was stacked with wooden crates filled with junk.   
Some kids must have done it for a practical joke, but that doesn’t make much sense. When you do something like that, you want the payoff. And no kid is going to stake out the back of our shed for years in the hope that somebody will find the right paver and dig up the box.
Even the message doesn’t make sense. Come and Play. If it was a punk, wouldn’t they have drawn a map for treasure or written some desperate letter from a prisoner. I don’t know, something, anything, but Come and Play. It’s lame. And as I continue to stare at the words, I give a start. Of course, it’s vermillion. I used to have that colour ink back in Canberra. I wonder what happened to it, what happened to my calligraphy kit. I’m sure I packed it. Must have got lost in the move.
‘Anyway, there you go, Jack. Hope that answers your questions.’
It has raised more questions than it answers, but I smile and say, ‘Thanks.’
‘And I’ll bet there is something else I can help you with today?’
I look at her puzzled as I refold the vellum and slip it into my pocket.
‘You’re a local?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Then you need a library card.’
‘I suppose I do.’
‘How about now? Do you have some ID?’
‘Student card?’ I reach into my back pocket and pull out my wallet.’
‘Perfect,’ she says as she clicks on a menu and begins typing.
‘Where do you live?’
‘I’m at 172 Bligh Road.’
Her fingers stop. ‘The old West Place?’
‘I guess. That’s what Mr Breedon called it yesterday.’
‘Hmm,’ she keeps typing but her smile has gone.
‘Is there something wrong?’
Delia looks at me for long seconds. ‘How are you finding it out there?’
God, I could give her an answer that lasted for an hour starting with it stinks, literally and figuratively. But she probably doesn’t want to hear that. ‘It’s quiet.’
‘Yes,’ she says. She goes to say something then stops. Then she starts again. ‘If something …’ Her voice trails away and she shakes her head.
‘What?’ I say.
‘Nothing,’ Opening a drawer, she pulls out a small blue card, about the same size as my student card. It has a number neatly printed in the top right corner in red. She types this number onto her screen and then prints my name in capital letters across the centre of the card. Underneath it, she signs with a flourish and flips open the lid to an inkpad. Pulling a stamp from the same drawer as the cards, she inks it up and presses it deliberately over my name.
She waves the card in the air, waiting for the ink to dry before she hands it to me.
‘There you go, Jack.’
I almost laugh. This is what passes for a library card in Hicksville. ‘Thanks Delia, about the West ...’
‘Hit that if you want to borrow anything and the counter is unattended.’ She points to the nickel-plated call bell, sitting next to the slot for returns.
          ‘Thanks Delia, but...’
She waves dismissively and disappears through the door behind the counter.
I look at the door for a while, then decide to wait out under the portico for mum.
 






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Skippoo at 10:43 on 25 November 2016  Report this post
Hi Joy,

You're powering through this!

Great characterisation (love the sulky Aleisha and Jack's dislike of her) and the intrigue is building well. The descriptions are all great too. 

I'd read the previous version of chap 7 and I'm wondering why you got rid of the bit with the dog, as I liked it! I thought it was good to have some affection/emotion in there to break up all the research and exploration, plus see a softer side to Jack. Unless, of course, you've added this to the end of the previous chapter, which I'm now thinking is likely as you've mentioned the packed lunch ....

'povvo' - a lot of people in other countries won't get what this means (I had to work it out, so thought I'd mention it!).

Although Jack is clearly very intelligent, his aassessments of the tenants from their records sound very adult to me. The same goes for his wondering about the criteria Breedon would use and the fact he uses terms like 'broken her lease'. From my experience, even very intelligent older teens don't 'get' this kind of adult, official stuff (I've run workshops with 14-18 year-olds, explaining things like taxes, mortgages, etc., to them).

I had to read the lunchtime bit a few times to work out that he'd given up on lunch and decided to get back to his research, so perhaps this could do with a little more explanation/reinforcment. Maybe he could hear his Mum's voice in his head, disapproving of him skipping lunch or asking why his packed lunch box was still full or something?

I think it might be better if you broke up the research with the Breedon/water bottle scene happening when it does, rather than referring back to it. I love the description of his voice being quiet, but screaming in Jack's face, though.

Catherine



 

andinadia at 11:04 on 25 November 2016  Report this post
Hi Joy

It looks like you posted a draft of Ch7 and then replaced it?

I don't think you need to overdo the rain imagery. It's starting to feel like a post-apocalyptic JG Ballard-type novel. Without the rain, there could be more attention to the fact that there's no good reason why he's still not act actually tackling the shed itself and is therefore genuinely in his element doing his old-fashioned and rather intellectual research.

You could usefully add a note somewhere as to the fact that this archive only exists in hard copy. No microfiche, let alone digital resources. And we could observe his response to this, that he would be excited by the prospect of doing something as old-fashioned as going through the archive page by page.

My main comment is similar to the comments on the previous chapter. We need to really sense Jack's motivation in order to feel the importance of this search through the archive and the library. It would help if you can remind us at the start of the chapter as to why the search is so important. Especially given that the reader would probably rather be back at the shed!

The scene in the archive doesn't end in a very satisfying way, as I wasn't sure what had actually happened when you say 'I want to finish this tomorrow, but as I remember the crunching teeth, I’m not liking my chances of getting back in here.' Did he find anything or not? Is he coming back or not? And why is it necessary (plot-wise) to have the archive scene spanning lunchtime?

I'd say there's a bit too much detail on the past tenants during the archive search. Tell us in passing what he sees, remind  us what he's looking for, show us how his interest rises when he sees something interesting. And I'd say tone down the references to the reasons for selecting tenants. I know it's a key theme of the story that Jack's family is so poor, but one reference to that would be enough. I don't think we need to know about 'criteria' (and I don't think a young teen would know or use such words).

The library scene is more successful, because it's built on character and dialogue. But I wasn't convinced by the importance of the colour of the ink and that it was this that suggested a recent provenance. Even if true, that would be such a highly specialised bit of knowledge that it stretches coincidence!

Can you show more of a link between the archive scene and the library scene? Is there anything that he finds in the archive that he might mention to the librarian? And having mentioned something to her, might she show interest in the fact that he had the initiative to seek out and spend time in the basement of the estate agent's offices?

Detailed comments
The last chapter ended with them in the car, about to drive home. There seems to be a continuity issue at the start of this chapter, as we're now back in the town again.

'Old cardboard cartons in crooked stacks, spiders’ webs, chaos.' - Not clear that you're referring here to what he thought he'd find, rather than what he is actually looking at. On a related note, if he really thought that's what he would be facing, would he really have thought it necessary to bring the white gloves for such a dusty place? Or are you trying to suggest an almost OCD characteristic in himself?

'stretching back to 1896' - I think you need some reaction here. That would be a long time for such an archive, even in a historic English market town! It would actually be more amazing than the fact that Breedon had spent so much time on it.

Mayeb you could mention at the end that he looks at his mobile phone to see when he needs to be outside for his mum. I know we had the librarian looking at her computer but I feel the typical technology of 2017 is being pushed a long way into the background of this story!


joydaly at 21:43 on 25 November 2016  Report this post
Thanks so much, Andy

This is the messiest chapter in the draft and have been having real problems trying to get all the information in - which is absolutely critical for the rest of the book, without boring the pants off every kid (and adult) struggling to get through it.

In Chapter 6, I have spent quite a few paragraphs going on about how important finding answers are to Jack.

In between trying to get out to the shed yesterday, I was thinking about the box. And three questions have become a silent mantra. Who? How? Why? We still don’t have internet, so I can’t find any answers. Mum says we’re too far out and the network’s not available, but I think it has more to do with the unpaid bills that she keeps going on about.
          I was nine the last time those three words became big in my life. They spun in my head, faster and louder until I almost went crazy and they’re still there, locked in a small compartment in the back of my mind. I couldn’t find those answers then, but I’m sure as shit going to take a shot at finding my who, how and why, this time. I don’t care what it takes.


Do you think I still need a reminder at the start of Chapter 7 or will this do?

And I write in Chapter 6

I try to go further back, but the records finish in 2003. I rest my chin in my hand as I stare at the screen. Google isn’t going to cut it.


Is that enough to give the reader the heads-up that this most certainly isn't a techno geeks dream investigation.

Am working on a rewrite as I type this, which incorporates a lot of your suggestions. Hope that you can manage another read through - I liken this chapter to poking my eyes out with pencils!!

Thanks again, Andy. Your comments are always so valuable.

Joy

joydaly at 21:45 on 25 November 2016  Report this post
Hi Catherine

 Great suggestion about Breedon and Jack doing their thing real time. And point about technicality of language regarding leases was good.

Thanks for wading through that!
Joy

andinadia at 23:16 on 25 November 2016  Report this post
I think you need to insert a plot wrench somehow. Here's the thing ... Jack finds - by good fortune and technical skill - an old key to the shed, but he doesn't even try it out on the shed. And even with such evidence that the shed must be pretty special for someone to hide the key in this way, accompanied by a mysyerious message, he sets off down a plot rabbit hole rather than tackle the thing (the shed) itself. The rain adds drama but doesn't justify not having a go at the shed. I do get the rationale for the research into the history of the place but I really think there has to be some good reason why he appears to be avoiding trying to get into the shed. At least you could let him have a go and make it kind of impenetrable, so that whatever he tries fails. That might provide the rationale for trying to find out whether there might be some other mysterious secret way of opening the shed (ie the key by itself is not enough). I can't remember what the Come and Play message means (apart from the link with the meccano) but it almost makes me feel that the idea of play could be connected with having to think in a playful/creative way in order to open the door to the shed.

joydaly at 01:12 on 26 November 2016  Report this post
Andy

That is pure genius and I can do whatever I want here, so that's excellent. The key won't open it alone. There has to be something else... Great!  Now I've just got to work out what that is!!  Thanks again, Andy. Really good stuff.

Joy

joydaly at 01:51 on 26 November 2016  Report this post
Andy,

Have tried this amendment in Chapter 5. Does it work to satisfy the reader about why he is moving on with the investigation? Have a great idea for what additional thing Jack needs to do to get in and will post it here to see if it flies under the Andy Radar or get's tagged as on the nose!!

HALF WAY THROUGH CHAPTER SIX

She’s right. The sky is granite and I can’t see the shed through the rain. I shrug – I can wait.
          ‘No you can’t.’
           The voice is so loud, so real that I’m spinning around looking for it, for him. But there’s no-one.
           ‘What is it, Jack?’ Mum’s eyes are watchful.
          ‘Nothing.’ I turn away before she sees something she shouldn’t and I’m back to swallowing pills again.  
 
The key doesn’t work.
          I timed a go at the shed door in between showers and it went in alright, but it didn’t turn. Raced back to Dad’s garage for some WD40 spray, but even after I drowned the keyhole, the key only moved a couple of millimetres before it stopped.
Why did somebody hide a key in a box and bury it outside the shed if it isn’t for the door? And who would do that anyway? The questions have become a silent mantra throughout the day. Why? Who?
            I was nine the last time those two little words became big in my life. They spun in my head, faster and louder until I almost went crazy and they’re still there, locked in a small compartment in the back of my mind. I couldn’t find the answers then, but I’m sure-as-shit going to take a shot at finding why, and who, this time.
We still don’t have internet. Mum says we’re too far out and the network’s not available, but I think it has more to do with the unpaid bills that she keeps going on about. There’s only one free source and that’s at the library. At dinner, I hit her up for a lift in to town and she talks about the cost of petrol. Dad says it’ll be okay and I shoot him a grateful smile.
As I lie in bed, trying to fall asleep, I work out what I’m going to take with me tomorrow and top of the list is the weird note. Somebody at the library might be able to help with that. I can just make out its shape lying on the desk.  I know I can’t see the words, but I’d swear I can.
 

andinadia at 07:30 on 26 November 2016  Report this post
Looking forward to what the 'additional thing' might be!

I'm not totally comfortable with the idea of these words 'who' and 'why' having this kind of resonance. I can imagine people getting fixated on the name of something but not on such common, everyday words.


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .