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Swans on the Sea - Short Film

by scriptsplayed 

Posted: 06 February 2004
Word Count: 1431
Summary: Easter on a caravan site facing the sea is a time of contemplation for Alice. Her husband has plans to buy a house so must she say goodbye to something that has ingrained itself into her heart?


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This ten minute drama (SHORT FILM approximately 1,300 words) is a look at a woman's love of the sea and her yearning to remain where she is. It is an Easter story with the theme of sacrifice at its heart.

INT. CARAVAN. DAY.

ALICE (early 60s), an honest, earthy looking woman, stands at the big window overlooking the sea.

CUT TO:

Swans glide gracefully on the tranquil water as it laps gently against the pebbles in front of the mobile home.

CUT TO:

FRED (late 60s), a tall fellow with a good mop of hair on his head, hobbles in with the aid of a crutch.

FRED
Come on then, we have to leave now if we’re to get there on time.

ALICE
[POINTING TO THE SWANS] I’ve counted ten pairs out there. That’s four more than last year.

FRED
Really?

Fred joins her at the window and rests his chin gently on her shoulder. He takes a curl of her hair between his fingers and kisses it tenderly.

FRED
Are you coming?

ALICE
Yes, yes of course. I’ve been waiting for you.

FRED
More like daydreaming again, to me.

Alice reluctantly moves away from the window and drapes her Macintosh around her shoulders. Meanwhile, Fred retrieves a big boxed Easter Egg from the cupboard, places it on the dining table then whistles as he steps out of the caravan.

Lingering a moment, Alice contemplates her homely surroundings: the soft furnishings; the family photographs fixed to the wall; the lace cloth covering the dining table on which a vase of daffodils sit and, proudly placed beside it, a very big Easter Egg. She strokes a healthy leaf from amongst the immense forest of plants. A long sad sigh issues from her lips.

INT. CAR. DAY.

Fred opens the car door for her and watches her as she takes her time to lock the door then dawdle towards him. She spots a wilting primrose head and nips it off, then sees the summer bulbs beginning to poke from beneath the soil. As she steps into the confines of the car, she gazes at the horizon.

Fred closes the door firmly behind her then settles himself into the driving seat. He drive’s quite niftily for a disabled man.

FRED
You’re not normally like this. Anything wrong?

ALICE
Oh, nothing really.

FRED
Must be your hormones, you were alright yesterday. Don’t you want to see this house?

ALICE
Of course I do. It’s what you’ve dreamed of.

FRED
It will be nice to get out of that caravan. Now the money’s come through, we can afford a proper home.

Alice offers a smile of reassurance as Fred drives onwards.

EXT. COTTAGE. DAY.

Outside the small pink cottage a ‘For Sale’ board shows signs of age. Fred brings the car to a halt in the tiny cobbled street and they step out to take a better view.

FRED
It’s a wonderful little place.

ALICE
Little, yes.

FRED
A cottage in the country, it’s what we’ve always wanted.

ALICE
It’s pink.

FRED
We’ll soon change that.

A smartly dressed Estate Agent, approaches with her clip board and brief case. A name badge on her lapel indicates her name: SALLY.

SALLY
Hello. You Fred and Alice Parker? Found it alright then?

FRED
Easy peasy!

SALLY
[SMILING] I’m Sally. I’ll take you round.

Sally brandishes the keys triumphantly, unlocks the little door and steps inside.

INT. COTTAGE. DAY.

Inside, Sally vigorously rubs her arms against the chill and flicks the lights on. It doesn’t make very much difference as it’s still quite dim.

SALLY
Brrr, no heating at the moment. No point really as it’s been empty for about six months. I know it’s a bit cold, but that’s to do with the thick walls. They built them to last, these old cottages.

ALICE
It’s very dark.

SALLY
Small windows – had to with the thick walls. Adds character.

FRED
I’ll brighten it up with a lick of paint, Alice.

SALLY
Would you like to see the other rooms? If you’ll follow me.

Sally leads them into the tiny kitchen. Old style cupboards with too many layers of paint cover them and an Aga with a door hanging off its hinges greets them.

FRED
[BRIGHTENING] Remember our first house? When we were married?

Alice grimaces. They step into a small bathroom just off the kitchen and see the damp and mould crawling up the wall. Sally rubs at it in a vain effort to make it disappear.

SALLY
It’s only natural, considering the time it’s been empty.

FRED
Doesn’t bother me. Soon fix that in no time. Alice, what do you think?

ALICE
I dare say. It’s what you’ve always wanted.

FRED
We could make it homely. Like we did the caravan.

ALICE
It would take a lot longer.

SALLY
Shall I show you upstairs. There’s a view of the sea from up there.

Alice’s face cheers up. With difficulty, Fred follows them up the tight staircase.

FRED
Now you’re talking. Alice likes the sea. Be it a river or a pond, she’s always lived by the water.

They all enter a surprisingly large empty bedroom.

ALICE
Where’s the sea?

SALLY
Over there.

CUT TO:

Through the window, over the endless mountainscape of rooftops and far in the distance, a view of the sea is almost visible through the gentle haze of the horizon.

CUT TO:

Alice’s crestfallen face.

SALLY
You could extend up into the loft. You’d have a much better view from there.

FRED
Oh, I don’t think we’d be doing that at our age.

SALLY
Nonsense! You’re as fit as a fiddle.

Their pace quickens as they tour the remainder of the house and exit.

EXT. COTTAGE. DAY.

Sally locks the door securely and smiles expectantly.

SALLY
So? Good little retirement home, I think. Any thoughts?

Alice looks to Fred for an answer.

FRED
I like it. Very much.

SALLY
That’s nice to hear. It would be good for the old place to be lived in again.

FRED
[LOOKING AT ALICE] Back home then?

Alice nods and smiles. They wave their goodbye’s and climb into the car.

EXT. SEAFRONT. DAY.

Fred parks the car at the harbour wall. They step out of the car and stand by the harbour wall. The tinkling bells of the boats clang with the sway of the waves.

FRED
That little place would make a good home.

ALICE
If that’s what you want, Fred.

FRED
It’ll be cosy. Once we’ve sorted that damp spot, of course. If you don’t like the pinky-ness of it, I’m sure we could get one of our lad’s to paint over it.

ALICE
And the attic?

FRED
Oh, we both know that’ll be too much of a big job.

ALICE
We could allow for it in the budget. Get the workmen in.

CUT TO:

The sea gently ripples, swans glide towards them.

CUT TO:

Alice’s eyes well with tears, but she turns her head so Fred cannot see them.

FRED
Always nice to be back home.

ALICE
Yes. It is. It’s lovely here.

FRED
Beautiful view.

Fred takes a peek at her face, without her knowing.

FRED
Would you like to stay here?

Quickly, Alice dabs her tears away but keeps her eyes firmly fixed on the horizon.

ALICE
Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t hear of it. You’ve set your heart on that cottage.

FRED
It would save us a lot of money if we didn’t buy it.

ALICE
It’s your dream come true.

FRED
And effort.

Fred takes her hand. Alice is on the verge of tears.

ALICE
Only if you’re happy.

FRED
[SMILING TENDERLY] Only if you’re happy.

She looks down at his hands tenderly covering hers.

ALICE
You and me, we’re very much like them out there.

FRED
Like what? [CHUCKLES AND LOOKS AT THE SWANS] A couple of old birds?

ALICE
Don’t be silly. Swans. We’re like a couple of old swans.

Fred glances down at his hobbled, knobbly body and shakes his head, despairingly.

ALICE
After all these years am I to find out that I married a silly man? [SHE EXPLAINS] No. They stay together for life.

FRED
I knew that. Come on, it’s getting cold out.

Fred cups the crook of her elbow as they turn to enter their home.

FRED
Come on, there’s a lovely chocolate button Easter egg waiting for you inside.

ALICE
My favourite.

FRED
Do you know, I’ve never understood. Why eggs? At Easter, I mean?

ALICE
New life. New beginnings.

They step inside the caravan and close the door.

- THE END -









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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 07:59 on 07 February 2004  Report this post
Faye, this is beautiful. Slow, melancholic atmosphere and strong, tender characters. I can really picture the homely caravan and the cold pink house.
Do you have any plans for this?
Elspeth

scriptsplayed at 08:29 on 07 February 2004  Report this post
Elspeth,

Once again, thanks for your flattering comments. Very much appreciated (particularly this week as I've had a rejection letter in the post every day!).

Not to be too big headed, I've received good comments to the outline to Swans on the Sea, when I had to read aloud to the the screenwriting class I attend. However, before I read the script out to anyone, I wanted to feel the way via this group. I'm also going to upload it as a short story soon, to see how well that goes down, with every intention of sending it to one of the weekly women's magazines once I've had some feedback.

As for future plans, the outline is going to be put forward (amongst all my other classmate's work!) to five 'real live' producers this week. We'll see whether it stands out amongst them. Hopefully something will come of it.

K

Account Closed at 09:14 on 07 February 2004  Report this post
It's funny, as I was reading I could see this as a short story, lots of atmosphere. I look forward to reading it. Good luck with the producers.
Elspeth

Seahorse at 13:44 on 09 February 2004  Report this post
A tender story told at the right pace.

Could easily be expanded upon by delving deeper into the characters' backstories.

Why does she like the sea so much? What in particular propelled him to want to move? That sort of thing.

Having said that the beauty of this piece at the length it is now is in its simplicity; I'm not suggesting you clutter it up!

Noodles at 16:48 on 10 February 2004  Report this post
Just to echo others' comments. Beautiful, tender, sweet (in the best sense of the word)and very moving. A truthful piece of work.

All the very best with it.

Pete

scriptsplayed at 20:46 on 10 February 2004  Report this post
I am really wonderfully overjoyed and so terribly grateful for all these fantastic comments on my work ... however - yes there is a however! I wonder if anyone can let me know where it can be improved upon ... if there is anything that 'jars' or doesn't seem to fit quite right. Tone, pace, style, grammar, dialogue, the tale itself? I would like to present it to the screenwriting course I'm attending and if it can be better/improved, then please, don't be afraid to let me know - I prefer to have some critics telling me now than being shouted down by an angry mob that's facing me!

Many thanks for any help you are able to offer.

K

Jubbly at 21:46 on 10 February 2004  Report this post
Hello Kaye, I agree with the above, it does have an almost balletic quality. I've read both this and the short story and I think they both work very well. It's very visual with great settings. One thing I would suggest, try making the stage directions a bit more interesting to read. I mean, a script is there for the actors and it's always nice to give them something they can get their teeth into and get excited by. Consider the directions part of the story if you will, then there are'nt any gaps in the flow. Just a thought.

All the best

Julie

<Added>

Whoops that's not very clear is it? I mean any emotions the actors maybe trying to express in a descriptive way.

Seahorse at 09:00 on 11 February 2004  Report this post
A really picky point here, but you asked for it!

I just thought some of Fred's dialogue was ever so slightly contrived - in the sense that he described some situations which might better be revealed through action.

For example:

"It will be nice to get out of that caravan. Now the money’s come through, we can afford a proper home."

Would he actually say that to his wife? His wife would know that already. Must be a cleverer way to inform the reader that they've got the desire and money to move......


Noodles at 19:35 on 13 February 2004  Report this post
Very much agree with Seahorse on this one. Something I’m struggling with myself. Getting the dialogue ‘organic’, ‘non-literary’, drawing from reality and distilling. Focussing on how those particular people in that particular relationship with each other would speak to each other – shorthand, familiar – maybe ‘talking to each other’ as opposed to ‘talking to us’. And economical. Which, of course, you have done in a lot of places, to great effect. Capturing that intimacy is what makes it so moving.
Maybe just refinement in certain places.

The following example may not be a great one, but perhaps shows economy and character, and it’s one I came across most recently:

Film: ‘Glory.’ American Civil War. Training. Sergeant is really pushing the young black regiment hard, particularly one young soldier, who is the young commander’s friend. Commander calls Sarge over. Remonstrates with him (‘Don’t ride him so hard, he grew up with me’ – something like that).

Sergeant looks at commander.

Says: ‘Do you want him to grow up some more?’

No long (Oscar-friendly) speech like: ‘I’m hard, because these men will be fighting for their lives. I’m on his back because if he doesn’t shape up, he’ll die, and maybe take the rest of them with him, because that’s what war’s about, sir, war is hell, sir, and if you can’t take it sir, then get the hell out of my….’etc, etc (while “glory, glory hallelujah” plays on the soundtrack).

Just: ‘Do you want him to grow up some more?’

Because that’s probably how a not-very-articulate Sergeant, with maybe little education, and a lifetime of fighting and surviving would speak.

I hope at least some of the above makes sense.

Still very moved, and hope you ‘knock ‘em dead’.

All the very best, Pete



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