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You
Posted: 24 April 2003
Word Count: 86
Summary: A first attempt at a craft I know little of. If it stinks I apologise.
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My love was mine
I couldn't give it to you
I pledged it to lust
can't go back on that
Can I ?
My Heart is bound
In a black harness
My love is not you
but I remeber you well
too well
I dream of you now
as we were then
your smell haunts me still
and reminds me of you
and me
My man holds me close now
I lie in his arms
My heart is his plaything
yet I think of you
you
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Comments by other Members
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 Shadowgirl at 14:32 on 24 April 2003
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No Rosalind, it most certainly does not stink! I have never written any poetry, so I am always impressed by anyone who can. Having said that, some can go WAY over my head, but this was just great. It contained the passion that your short stories did, and I read it three times, just because I wanted to. I really do believe you have a talent. I especially love the question in the first verse (oh, do you call them verses, I know nothing about poetry?) Well done Rosalind. Haunting, and I like haunting!
Shadowgirl
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roger at 15:59 on 24 April 2003
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Hey Ros, I'm with Shadowgirl....doesn't stink at all. Really sad, would like to go back, but can't. Bit of sympathy for the guy whose arms you're now in, though. If only he knew - poor bloke.
Really did like it...some people would need a 500 page novel to get that over!
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 Anna Reynolds at 14:12 on 25 April 2003
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Agree. It's lovely and moving. But can I make a plea? don't apologise for your work before we've read it. We all do it- or most of us- I still have awful memories of going to script meetings at the BBC and telling them what didn't work in the latest draft of a screenplay BEFORE they'd read it! Eek.
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 James Graham at 12:03 on 02 May 2003
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Hi, Rosalind. I'm just catching up with your new work on the site and will respond soon.
James.
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James Graham at 14:19 on 03 May 2003
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Hi Rosalind - Of your poems on the site, this is the one I like best. I think it has strengths the others don't quite have. For example, 'You' constantly surprises with 'leaps' from line to line. After 'My love was mine/I couldn't give it to you' (striking and paradoxical in itself) we read 'Ipledged it to lust' and then 'Can't go back on that...' Each line takes a slightly new direction, stimulates the reader to think or feel slightly differently, and this goes on right through the poem. This surprise element gives the poem quite a lot of energy. Individual lines too have poetic life because they bring out a response from the reader. 'My heart is bound/in a black harness' is a very concise and striking image. 'Your smell haunts me still' is concrete and evokes a very familiar experience (except maybe for a recluse!) 'You' - the last line - is in some ways the best line in the poem. I take it to mean 'you yourself', 'you not in relation to me'. Somebody else might take it another way, because it's open to different readings, especially as it ties in with the title, and with the earlier line 'My love is not you'. 'and me' is a bit like that too - reminds me of me - of that other person who existed then. Yes, there's a lot of good stuff in this poem. And you use the simplest language to good effect. Your other poems didn't immediately strike me as having the same strength, but that may be subjective and I may be missing something that other readers get.
James.
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Glimity at 21:36 on 03 May 2003
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Hi Rosalind,
Well written poem. I enjoyed the read - especially:
"My Heart is bound
In a black harness"
and
"your smell haunts me still"
This poem "speaks" to me.
Great stuff!
regards
Jennifer
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