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Don`t
Posted: 06 February 2004
Word Count: 67
Summary: Would have liked to have worked on this a bit more, but pushed for time. So, please consider as a first draft.
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Dagger my brown staring eyes,
condemn them to watery vision,
harness them behind filter
of monochrome.
Gag me, strangle my expression,
make me gibber, dribble the words
in tongues of trite,
babbling in unison.
Sledgehammer my head
smash the fanciful
kaleidoscope of images
prancing the spangled spectres
of innocence.
Make me sombre,
burn my silken red,
blanket me down -
raven robed
Don’t.
Just let me be.
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Comments by other Members
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 roovacrag at 17:40 on 06 February 2004
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Didn't understand the last stanza
make me sombre
burn my silken red
blanket me down
raven robe.
Have i missed something or is there some words missing. xxAlice
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The Walrus at 21:51 on 06 February 2004
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No words missing Alice. I love red. I don't want to be clothed in black. Hope this makes sense.
The Walrus
x
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Fearless at 01:19 on 07 February 2004
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After reading this several times, I understood the 'raven' reference in the last stanza. It's a good poem, but one, I must say, that is written in a dark place.
Reminds me of a film based on Japanese banraku doll theatre. 'Dolls' is essentially three stories. In one of them, a young couple wander in search of something they have tragically forgotten - bound by a long red cord. Red is the colour of love, warmth and life. If you can still see Red, then there is no darkness.
You are, and will remain, forever Red.
fearless x
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Bobo at 08:23 on 07 February 2004
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Walrus - this is overflowing with emotion, as though it's about to burst. Your beauty and vibrancy of colour will triumph.
A very accomplished piece of writing.
BoBo x
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miffle at 12:32 on 09 February 2004
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Dense, dark, intense, scratchy, violent, kicking poem with tinges of Plath and images of self-destruction and madness where you seem to cast yourself in the role of the heroine victim (?) - although there is too much colour, vigour, vitality, life-blood here to suggest that this is in fact the end...miffle
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The Walrus at 13:41 on 09 February 2004
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Can't really disagree with your comments Miffle, (not that I would want to of course). Although, I'm not sure I intended to convey self-destruction and madness, but rather (somewhat melodramatically it has to be said) frustration in the face of coercion to conform, if that makes sense. As for heroine victim, I hope neither.
Thanks for your thought-provoking comments.
The Walrus
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miffle at 13:47 on 09 February 2004
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Yes - that does make sense ;-) Think it may have been the 'watery vision' that lead me to think of Ophelia, The Lady of Shalott - drowning heroines i.e. read madness...Yes, 'melodramatic' is a good word here. Inspiring piece, however - miffle
<Added>
NB heroine - not in reference to the drug! Feminine of hero!
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The Walrus at 13:51 on 09 February 2004
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See what you mean re associations with 'watery vision'.
Thanks again.
The Walrus
<Added>
No worries - have no association with either!
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