Ugly
Posted: 04 February 2004
Word Count: 65
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I stare through your reality
with one eye squinted,
occasionally twitching.
The spasms in my spine
trigger insensitive jibes
and stupid questions.
I never fit in
presumptions that I care
fighting popularity religion.
I am quiet
as I don’t want to speak
there’s nothing wrong with me.
I don’t smile
because this isn’t funny
there’s nothing wrong with me
nothing wrong with me
Nothing wrong.
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Comments by other Members
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 olebut at 18:47 on 04 February 2004
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Rai
this poem belies your years if you are but young.
there is one typo line 12 I think but otherwise a very fine and profund poem with great imagery
take care
david
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 Anna Reynolds at 19:52 on 04 February 2004
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Rai, the last verse is really powerful- full of fine stark imagery. That's where the core of this lies for me. Tough and lonely.
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roovacrag at 20:14 on 04 February 2004
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Rai You're trying to write older than you are and it is not working...You write well but don't push your years that you havn't experienced yet. This comes with living and you have not lived yet.
Take your time.
xxxxxALICE
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Rai15 at 16:24 on 05 February 2004
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I am not trying to write as if I am anything that I am not! I am just writing. I do not try to please people with my writing, I do not imitate others or presume things that I don't know yet. I write because I feel. I write what I think, I write what goes on in my head. Here I shall self-analyse my poem just to prove this to you.
I stare through your reality - i have a tendency to stare into space
with one eye squinted, - when i do, one eye is half shut
occasionally twitching. - i DO have a twitch in my eyelids
The spasms in my spine - i DO have spasms in my spine and throughout my body
trigger insensitive jibes - people laugh at me for this
and stupid questions. - and ask idiotic questions about it
I never fit in - i DON'T fit it, and i never have done
presumptions that I care - people presume i care that i don't fit in, when i dont care.
fighting popularity religion. - nowadays being popular is like religion, and i don't like it, plus popular kids taunt unpopular kids (like me) I fight back.
I am quiet - yes, i am quiet
as I don’t want to speak - self explanatory
there’s nothing wrong with me. - people ask what's wrong when i'm quiet
I don’t smile - i don't smile much
because this isn’t funny - immature jokes that go on in schools
there’s nothing wrong with me - people ask what's wrong when i don't smile
nothing wrong with me - and then they ask again
Nothing wrong. - and again
There, I write what I experience, and i do experience these things and many other things that are much much worse. It is quite hurtful when you say I can't have experienced things because i'm "too young". Just because I'm 16, doesn't mean it is outright impossible for me to know and experience things that people twice my age have.
Thank you all for your comments regardless, and i apologise if i seem uptight or angry, but i'm just hurt.
-Rai-
<Added>
I write what I experience, and nothing else.
Thank you all for your comments.
-Rai-
<Added>
Urgh, i've tried to delete this comment, because i know i went off on one. But i'm in a bad mood anyway, so sorry. I apologise for any offense caused or if it seemed childish or whatever. I'm just trying to say that I am not intentionally trying to pretend that I know everything that older people know or that I'm as good as more practised poets. I just do what I do. So, sorry.
-Rai-
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olebut at 16:37 on 05 February 2004
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Rai
oddly enough I didn't think you were trying to be anything you aren't perhaps as I tried to say you have a perception older than your years
keep writing
david
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Rai15 at 16:39 on 05 February 2004
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It wasn't your comment that got to me. Thanks for your comment/s. I appreciate it.
-Rai-
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dr_mandrill at 16:57 on 05 February 2004
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I think you did just fine with this. I thought The spasms in my spine
trigger insensitive jibes
and stupid questions. was great. Weirdly- when I read it it made me think of all the times I've been rude or a jerk, the imagery suggesting it came from some convulsion deep down in my backbone. It was interesting to then read your own analysis of it. That's a sure sign of good poetry: people can bring their own meanings to it if they want to.
Oh, and I never bother looking at people's prfiles for their age and stuff. I only know what sex people are when they use their real names in feedback comments. So I was surprised by your age, and I think you're writing with amazing maturity and sensitivity. So keep writing, dude.
dm.
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Rai15 at 17:00 on 05 February 2004
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Thank you very much, it cheered me up a bit. Thanks.
-Rai-
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roovacrag at 17:11 on 05 February 2004
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Rai,
You know i like your writing.As a writer you have to take critisism otherwise you will think you are better than you are.Family and friends tell you what you want to hear. On writewords we don't know you,so we see your work and tell you what we think.
Keep writing little one,if we didn't like it we wouldn't comment.
Like David said,keep writing.xxxxxxxxxAlice
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Rai15 at 17:48 on 05 February 2004
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Alice, I am overwhelming sorry for my temper tanrum, I'm just not having a great time at the moment, and I keep breaking down at the most inappropriate times (& for the stupidest little things).
I don't mean to appear as if i think i'm better than I am... I think I'm crap. So, I'm just sorry. I know you meant well, and I'm just blowing it all out of proportion, so thank you.
-Rai-
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 Nell at 18:21 on 05 February 2004
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Rai, you're not crap, and I'd never have guessed you were only 16. I almost cried reading the analysis of your poem and the last verse really resonated with me, and took me back to the first day at a new school - kids can be such beasts. I want to give you a hug, but it'll have to be a cyber one. Please don't be sad.
Love, Nell.
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Rai15 at 18:24 on 05 February 2004
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Thanks very much :), thanks for the hug too. It means a lot, thanks ever so much.
-Rai-
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poemsgalore at 16:29 on 08 February 2004
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I loved the ending, the repetition of
"there’s nothing wrong with me
nothing wrong with me
Nothing wrong."
Keep telling yourself this, because it's true. A very powerful poem.
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igbit33 at 00:18 on 20 February 2004
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Rai,
I've been following some of your work since I arrived at WW but haven't commented until recently. Why? (thank you for asking) Because when I first got here I wasn't overly confident about my 'right' to post comment on others poetry (can't say that's changed much, but it doesn't stop me!). Though probably it was some sub-conscious irritation that someone this much younger than I am, could write with so much more talent and maturity than me (git!) ;o)
To the point in hand. Firstly, I want to say that I, personally, like to see someone have a hissy fit now and again. Makes me feel so much better about my own. It also shows that they have good strong emotions and vulnerabilities. You are more capable of showing your 'emotional spectrum' at 16 than I was then or am now even (31). Don't loose it! It's a great quality, one that I, for one, find most admirable.
Secondly - This poem is excellent in my opinion. Having read your analysis I can say, apart from the first line, I read it as it was written and identified almost completely.
I especially liked the last three lines and remember the question well. You will probably also know the other. The insincere - 'Are you ok... are you ok... are you ok... (rpt to fade)
You've said so much here, both to those who share/recognise the experience and to 'innocent by-standers' who have a compassion and a willingness to understand.
You write well Rai, and seem from that writing to have the sensitivity to live well. So, keep looking straight ahead and ploughing on.
Finally (at last) - The only thing 'Ugly' here, are the folk that make you feel these things. I would like to think that was your intention with the title but, if not, then I hope it will be from now on.
igbit. xx
(Woah, sorry this was so long, got me on a roll).
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Rai15 at 16:52 on 20 February 2004
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It's ok about the length, I like the reading, plenty more interesting the doing nothing.
I do indeed have to suffer the "Are you ok?" irritation almost everyday (more so since this monday) which is often followed by "What's wrong?" "Tell me!" and "It's me isn't it? What've I done?" - All this because I haven't actually been given time to reply in the first place.
Thank you kindly for your comments on, me. I don't really notice my 'emotional spectrum' really, just something that's there I suppose, that I've accumulated over years of being bored and over-emotional/depressive.
Hope to hear from you more often now, and there are no better abilities when it comes to writing, because if it's yours and it's personal then it's brilliant. (And the 'git' comment made me laugh :)!)
-Rai-
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