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Life and Love

by trina1011 

Posted: 15 February 2016
Word Count: 755


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I cannot believe he did that. Just broke up with me, like it was nothing. Well, I say broke up, but that is definitely an understatement. He ceremoniously dumped me, in front of all of his friends, because he was too weak to stand on his own. Needed people there to give him that little egoistical boost. 

He said he thought that it was best for both of us. Best for him more like. He has been promoted and to him his career is everything. Well I feel sorry for him. Genuinely I do. He thinks that making money is everything. 

Listen, I understand that everyone has to make money to pay the bills. I would never be happy with being a kept girl myself. I just think that some people need to find more of a work/life balance. He spends so much time hidden away from the world in that pokey little office of his, that he never gets to experience the world. My mother was always a great believer in experiencing the world, and tried to give me and my sister a varied and exciting childhood. 

She succeeded. We went all over the country, but never out of it, though I know there was many a time that she wanted to take us abroad. She just could not afford it. Being a single mum and having to raise two daughters had its own financial limitations. But she took us to amazing places, galleries, zoos, museums, cathedrals and so much more. 

It is one of the principal reasons why I now live in Chichester. Mum took us here when we were eleven. I fell in love with the cathedral and just the whole lifestyle of the place. It's a city, but you'd never believe it was a city. It just had such a friendly and understanding community. Oh, I know that there is many more exciting places to live, but Chichester really spoke to me. It's beautiful, tranquil and everything that I could want from a place to live. 

Mum was upset when I told her that I was going to move, but she supported me one hundred per cent. She knew that I would have to leave the nest someday and it just so happened that a crisp chilly day in December was that day. I always visit her though, when I can. See I make time for people, unlike someone I could mention. 

He was going to break up with me at some point. I knew that, even though there was a small part of me that never wanted him to leave me. He was kind, sweet and gentle, and in some respects and no doubt to some girls, he would be the perfect man. But he is narrow minded and redefines what it means to be a workaholic. He loves the job more than he could ever love a person. One day he may wake up and actually see that, although, I highly doubt it. For now, at least, I think that I have to just come to terms with it. Do something for me. 

I know that it is an overused cliche, but I needed some time to find myself. Remember what I wanted out of life, my dreams and my goals. I had always loved to draw and take photographs, I still have the album of all the pictures I took when we went on trips with Mum. I enrolled on an introductory photography course, bought a high end camera and never looked back. 

I ended up quitting my city job in the end. Now I am a full time freelance photographer and I am loving every second of it. Him breaking up with me was a blessing in disguise. I guess I never really knew it at the time though. Sometimes, even if you are in a deeply committed relationship, you need to sit down and figure out what you want. The other person, if they are the right person, will support you and encourage you every step of the way. If they are not the right person, then move on like I did. But give them time. It probably took you a while to figure out what you wanted to do. They deserve that time too.

​Love life and everything that it offers you. Don't let someone else or your dreams for that matter stop you. I'm going to make myself a nice cup of coffee, if the dog decides to get out of the way! 

 






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Comments by other Members



TassieDevil at 13:30 on 16 February 2016  Report this post
Hi Catriona,
Thanks for posting this lively observation of relationships gone wrong. The sense of anger/betrayal permeates this piece giving it emotional strength.

in that pokey little office of his

I can feel the hurt here. However you begin with the attention grabbing break-up then I felt it wandered a bit off course with detached recollections of the past without maintaining the momentum you began with. 

She succeeded. We went all over the country, but never out of it, though I know there was many a time that she wanted to take us abroad. She just could not afford it. Being a single mum and having to raise two daughters had its own financial limitations. But she took us to amazing places, galleries, zoos, museums, cathedrals and so much more. 

It is one of the principal reasons why I now live in Chichester. Mum took us here when we were eleven. I fell in love with the cathedral and just the whole lifestyle of the place. It's a city, but you'd never believe it was a city. It just had such a friendly and understanding community. Oh, I know that there is many more exciting places to live, but Chichester really spoke to me. It's beautiful, tranquil and everything that I could want from a place to live. 

If you intersperced the narrative with more vindictive comparisons like 

unlike someone I could mention

that you so neatly introduce in the following para I feel it would anchor the past with the present better. eg after zoos etc you could again use a simple put down line like "he wouldn't have the first idea about culture the self-centred egotist"'. then I personally feel it would be more cohesive.
At the end you seem more concilatory and pragmatic about the break-up although there is still anger there,

 He loves the job more than he could ever love a person. One day he may wake up and actually see that, although, I highly doubt it.

Oh and I loved the last line

I'm going to make myself a nice cup of coffee, if the dog decides to get out of the way! 

indicating that there are always obstacles to doing what you want,however independent you feel yourself to be.
Hope this helps.
Alan

 

Bazz at 18:41 on 16 February 2016  Report this post
Hi Trina, this is a well written piece that captures a lot of sensitive emotions, but it would help to know a little more about it. Is this meant to be fiction, or more of a "real life" piece? For fiction, I think it needs to have more of a thread going through it, either a plotline or emotional hook. For example, you've got the great line at the end about the dog, could this be a pet they bought together, and now she's looking at it, thinking of the loose ends she has to pick up and deal with. Perhaps she's angry and upset he's dodged his responsibilities, left her life in pieces?

There's a lovely, mediative quality to this piece, like it's untangling a knot in a stomach, emotion is settling, coming to peace, coming to terms, and I think a lot of people would read it and find a strong connection to it, a shared truth. The details are good, especially the part about Chiechester, which gives us a good feel for the city and its people, I just wonder if a little more plot might make it even more engaging.

Thanks for the read, always great to read something from a new member, hope you find something useful here!

trina1011 at 19:27 on 16 February 2016  Report this post
Thank you to everyone for the comments, it was meant to be a piece of fiction and all of the constructive criticism has been gratefully received. This was a different way of writing for me, so great to know what did and did not work! 

salli13 at 05:54 on 20 February 2016  Report this post
Hi Trina,
 I enjoyed reading this.  It's a piece lots of people could relate to. Its probably too short for a short story but it has a nice reflective quality.  I think both Alan and Bazz have valid points.  The penultimate line has me confused, it could just be me but it didn't really make sense?  Last line is great.  Good luck with it.
Salli

judie at 05:27 on 11 July 2016  Report this post
Hi Trina,
I liked the style of the piece, the thoughtful but angry tone. I could see it being expanded into a full short story, being fleshed out more with descriptions, especially of the characters. Perhaps back stories, flashbacks, that kind of thing. I was intrigued to find out more about each of them. You could perhaps think a bit more about your purpose and audience, where would ypu like to see it published and who would read it. What is the big idea you wnat to get across and how can you emphasize this.
Some of your details lend themselves excactly to being fleshed out eg the break up (who else was there, the embarrassment, the reactions of others), the town of Chichester, the excursions with the mother, remembering the best experiences, all of which could build the 'I" character, as well as building up 'him' by comparison.
I would love to read an expanded version and hope you try it!
Cheers Judie

 


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