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Now and Then
Posted: 11 July 2015
Word Count: 64
Summary: For the Flash Poetry prompt 300
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Now and Then
By J Newton
Meet me in before.
Hold my hand in yesterday.
The innocence
of love
yet to be lived
and mourned.
Exploring dreams, ideals,
skin.
Blissful intensity;
sweet and musical
with sorrow
deep as rain.
Older;
souls weathered
but happy,
our now belongs to others.
Yet
now and then;
your voice caresses my memory;
your promise
vapourises the dusk.
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Comments by other Members
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 V`yonne at 12:06 on 12 July 2015
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Now I love this! I woud suggest keeping the end 'present' VERY present --
your voice caresses my memory;
your promise,
vapourises the dusk.
That immediacy brings the poem home.
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 Bazz at 13:16 on 12 July 2015
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Hi Jo, love the contemplative tone in this, "the innocence of love yet to be lived" is a great line, complimenting "souls weathered" later on. Love the journey this creates, such a small poem, but about something so immense!
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 FelixBenson at 09:41 on 13 July 2015
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I love the romance in this, Jo, and the preoccupation with time. Lovely.
Older;
souls weathered
but happy,
our now belongs to others.
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 James Graham at 19:03 on 18 July 2015
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Hi Jo – a bit late getting to this poem, but it’s a real pleasure to read and I agree with all the comments. As well as the great lines already quoted, something else that distinguishes the poem are some individual words which are so well chosen that you feel no other word would do. Mourned, musical, rain, weathered, caresses and vapourises all have that quality. There’s an element of surprise in all of them, and at the same time they’re the perfect choice.
‘Rain’ – I imagine any poet writing
with sorrow
deep as...
Deep as what? Deep as the ocean? No, no, no, it’s a cliche. Sounds like something from one of the old musicals. But ‘Deep as rain’? So much better – the depth of the ocean (apart from being a cliche) is remote from our experience; this poem is about intimate experience, and rain is just outside the window. And even in ordinary circumstances a rainy day affects our mood. For all sorts of reasons, no other word will do.
I like the simplicity of the language, your use of the simplest words. It all comes together for me in
our now belongs to others
a line of great simplicity and depth. Your free verse form is well judged: where the lines are longer, it’s where the thought seems to need to be held together in one line, e.g.
your voice caresses my memory
Conversely,
with sorrow
deep as rain
is better than ‘with sorrow deep as rain’ because the line-break highlights this striking comparison.
Even this line:
Yet
(one little word, all by itself) has some significance because it’s a turning point leading to the affirmative ending.
Thanks for this poem – much appreciated. I missed it in Flash, so it’s good you put it here as well.
James.
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 Jojovits1 at 22:43 on 20 July 2015
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Thanks James!
Thanks to all for the comments.. not sure about
Exploring dreams, ideals,
bodies.
It's true...but doesn't seem to fit...any suggestions?
Jo
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