Jesus Bought Me A Ten Pence Mix Up
Posted: 07 June 2015
Word Count: 314
Summary: Going to the sweet shop with my nanny after mass
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Jesus bought me a ten pence mix up
By J Newton
Version 3
Old and young,
a loving combination,
they amble down the brae
hand in hand.
Hurry, we’ll miss mass.
But it’s Thursday, Nanny!
Holidays of Obligation
are explained.
The need to visit Jesus
twice in one week.
The promise of a sweetie
for the trouble.
Genuflexions done;
Rosary said,
the little shop beckons.
Black Jacks, milk bottles,
comfits and laces.
A ten pence poke of heaven.
In the hall at home, she dips
her fingers in the sherbet font.
The old one thanks God for the
young one beside her.
The young one thanks Jesus
for her ten pence mix up.
Version 2
They amble down the brae
hand in hand.
Old and young;
a loving combination.
Hurry, we’ll miss mass.
But it’s Thursday, Nanny!
Holidays of Obligation
are explained.
The need to visit Jesus
twice in one week.
The promise of a sweetie
for the trouble.
Genuflexions done.
Rosaries of devotion to
black jacks, milk bottles,
comfits and laces,
a ten pence poke of heaven.
The old one thanks God for the
young one beside her.
The young one thanks Jesus
for her ten pence mix up
in the hall at home;
dipping fingers in the sherbet font.
Version 1
They amble down the brae
hand in hand.
Old and young;
a loving combination.
Hurry, we’ll miss mass.
But it’s Thursday, Nanny!
Holidays of Obligation
are explained.
The need to visit Jesus
twice in one week.
The promise of a sweetie
for the trouble.
Genuflexions done,
Rosary said,
the little shop beckons.
Black Jacks, milk bottles,
comfits and laces.
Ten pence buys a
poke full of heaven.
In the hall at home;
dipping fingers in the font.
The old one thanks God for the
young one beside her.
The young one thanks Jesus
for her ten pence mix up.
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Comments by other Members
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 V`yonne at 11:40 on 07 June 2015
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I love this. It's such a picture. I do have a suggestion and the others may chip in and contradict me but I thought in the last stanza:
The old one thanks God for the
young one beside her.
The young one thanks Jesus
for her ten pence mix up
in the hall at home;
dipping fingers in the sherbet font.
would work really well.
In stanza 2 you could trim a bit:
Genuflexions done,
Rosary said,
black jacks, milk bottles,
comfits and laces,
a ten pence poke of heaven.
That said this is a lovely poem and one thing I particularly loved was:
Holidays of Obligation
are explained.
The need to visit Jesus
twice in one week.
 We used ti get bought sweets too to dull the pain of a 40 minute sermon!
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 crowspark at 11:45 on 07 June 2015
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I found this delightful, Jo. It places the sweets in an interesting context.
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 FelixBenson at 11:52 on 07 June 2015
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Loved this Jo! Made me laugh. It's all about priorities - adults versus children's, and how much bargaining goes on between the generations.
I liked Oonah's suggestion about the sherbet font, and thought you could do something similar in the previous stanza, just combining the church devotions to the sweet shop:
We genuflect before entering
the little shop. Rosaries
of devotion to Comfits,
Black Jacks, Milk Bottles
and laces. Ten pence
buys a poke full of heaven.
Feel free to ignore, it's just a suggestion, but I do love this poem - the 10 pence mix. I can't think of a more fitting subject for a poem!
On a Sunday too!
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 Bazz at 12:06 on 07 June 2015
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Really like this jo, like you I wasn't sure what to write until a certain idea came to me, and I love the little story told here, which builds to a beautiful last stanza. You could maybe trim a little, in the third stanza perhaps, as Oonah suggests, but I really like the story here, simple and elegant :)
<Added>
Loved the title as well!
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 Jojovits1 at 13:45 on 07 June 2015
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Thanks for the suggestions folks. I will take all on board and trim away .
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 James Graham at 20:03 on 09 June 2015
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Hi Jo – It goes such a long way if the initial idea for a poem is interesting, something just about any reader would be drawn to. An adult persuades a child to do a good, worthy thing by promising a treat. Sweets, of course, a reward that will be really appreciated!
Even if this story were to be told as a little prose anecdote it would still be interesting, because the idea you started off with is already full of interest – human interest – before you do anything with it.
Of course, it’s best told in a poem. The line divisions make ideas stand out, e.g.
Old and young;
a loving combination.
Holidays of Obligation
are explained.
The need to visit Jesus
twice in one week.
The promise of a sweetie
for the trouble.
These lines (and others) are neat, don’t waste words, and highlight the inherent interest of the story.
Now, I have to say I prefer your first version. I don’t think the changes you made to the third and fourth stanzas are necessary. It’s because I think the first version tells the story better. First we have the devotions, then ‘the little shop beckons’, then buying the sweets, then getting home, and finally the ‘old one’ and the ‘young one’ each giving their little prayer of thanks. The way it’s set out just takes us step by step through what happens.
It seems right that, as in the first version, ‘The old one thanks...’ and ‘The young one thanks...’ should come at the very end because this echoes ‘Old and young’ in the first stanza, making the poem end as it began. I would even suggest changing stanza 1 to
Old and young,
a loving combination,
They amble down the brae
hand in hand.
Beginning and ending a poem like this is called ‘framing’. (Apologies if you already know this.) ‘Old and young’ frames the poem. The way you handle the contrast between Nanny and child is so good that I feel it’s right that the idea should frame the poem in this way. (Of course, the beginning and ending aren’t identical: there’s a telling difference because the last lines include all that has happened in between. But there’s a parallel.)
I think the last stanza (referring again to the first version) should begin:
In the hall at home, she dips
her fingers in the sherbet font.
It's a grammatically complete sentence,and just makes what's happening that little bit clearer.
I hope all this is clear. Let me know what you think. A delightful poem.
James.
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