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3

by dr_mandrill 

Posted: 30 January 2004
Word Count: 182


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I
Derby, England, 1988

My father's hands wake and lift me
Darkly down the stairs and out
Onto wet grass.
A powercut has painted black the factories
And brought back the stars.
For the first time, I see the Milky Way.
In the morning I know the matt blue sky
Is only a fraud.

II
Tobago, West Indies, 2002
The ocean teems.
I forget Paris, London, New York
As the dense blue beats around me
Like a giant whale-heart:
There is more life here than any city.
Two hundred fair-sized squid
Hover and encircle me like little space-craft.
Of course, I knew they were propelled by
The rippling of a supple frill;
But now I'd seen.
I laughed bubbles through the plastic tube and
They scattered,
Reminding me exactly who was the alien.

III
Bristol, England, 2003
Again we sit in the dark car looking out.
Again everything useful's been said;
But we each have silences we need to be heard.
Looking over, I think
So beautiful, even when you're trying to hide it.
I force a lid down on a smile.






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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 11:11 on 30 January 2004  Report this post
In my minds eye i saw the stars with you in derby. Although the stars are the same they seem different in other parts of the world,yet are still the same. I look at them every night and never tire. Lovely poem and one i will read over again. well done xxx Alice

miffle at 11:30 on 30 January 2004  Report this post
Wow dr mandrill - I loved this, 'you have excelled yourself!' (to quote one of my brother's catchphrases! Bit of a creep!) I do so prefer this to your more fantastical poems; I think I love it so because it is so elemental and wise and to me rings more genuine. Inspiring use of language and structure too and I may just pinch it (meaning the structure) for a poem in the future (possible?!)...Will certainly be revisiting this one - I'm already attached to it. Love the way it conjures our lives within lives too - Write on, nikki ;-)

Fearless at 11:32 on 30 January 2004  Report this post
I like the first stanza very much.....reminds me that the skies are actually a curtain to the world of spirits and stars. When looking up at the cosmos, I quite forget myself.

The second stanza doesn't have any Manatees....I think they don't get enough coverage personally.

The third stanza reminds me of the silences between my father and I, where nothing is said, but everything understood, including love and respect.

Nice lyrics, full of gentle expression. You write well; write on.

Love, peace and respect,
Fearless

Ellenna at 12:04 on 30 January 2004  Report this post
Hi DM, I loved all three of these poems...I saw them as separate( from the comments I wonder if they should be connected, but i saw them as separate)

the first really showed a moment of enlightenment as a child..and the father showing the son.. it's very tender.

the second was a great observation and the third.. was so poignant.. those moments between a man and a woman when the silence holds back volumes of words..

Ellie..







poemsgalore at 18:42 on 30 January 2004  Report this post
Don't know if these three are meant to be linked, but I read them like a story of a relationship at different times and places. Exceptionally beautiful.

Sparrow_splitter at 19:26 on 30 January 2004  Report this post
This was lovely and I don't use that word lightly. I think this is just as fantastical as some of your other poems; in a way people always remember things as being more beautiful than they really were. Everything would be boring otherwise.

I do seem to remember you prodding some of those squid in the eye though.

Sparrow

dr_mandrill at 18:19 on 03 February 2004  Report this post
Thankyou everyone for your comments. Yes indeedy, this is all one poem. The idea is that these are three not-particularly-groundbreakingly-important moments in my life; they haven't altered the course of anything, but I remember them still. I suppose it's also about being lucky enough to have a sense of wonder.

Yes sparrow, I poked the squid. I'll save that for another poem though: 'animals I have poked in the eye'.


dm

Tommy Boston at 10:50 on 04 February 2004  Report this post
Fantastic stuff, D.M.

I've just read it today so of course I've been able to see your background comments before commenting myself.

It's interesting because although you've written one poem about three separate important moments, I found that the three parts provided context and contrast to each other (with the link of individual experience) that made the poem all the more rich and seductive.

To me, the structure of this work was just right for your subject matter.


Best regards,



Tom

Lawrenco at 22:30 on 05 February 2004  Report this post
I must admit I liked the way ,the ages change in the poem ;though the mentality doesn`t which holds for me a strong consistency and the 3 representing the buttress of the soul.I liked imagaining these seperate senarios from wide eyed youth to quirky adulthood.Reminded me a bit of Ivor cutler.
Well done enjoyable piece.


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