Crossings - aka Juxtapositions
Posted: 18 March 2015
Word Count: 146
Summary: All very tentative. First of the two poems only.
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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.
Juxtapositions for two voices
(1)
Two children
horse-soldiers aim
at a running child
the first has missed
Tom holds a hen
and calms its nervy neck
‘Now let me try
the little bastard’
says the second
laughs at the ambling ducks
‘Charmed life
that little motherfucker’
says the third
and feeds the two
big horses and the pony
mummy calls for school
he does not miss
he answers cheerfully
Sand Creek, Colorado, November 29, 1864
Treburgett, Cornwall, September 14, 1998
Version 1
Crossings
(1)
two children
horse-soldiers aim
at a running child
the first has missed
Tom holds a hen
and calms its nervy neck
Now let me try
the little bastard
says the second.
laughs at the ambling ducks
Charmed life
that little motherfucker
says the third
and feeds the two
big horses and the pony
mummy calls for school
he does not miss
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Comments by other Members
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 James Graham at 21:07 on 18 March 2015
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These aren't new poems. I first posted them in the group in 2004, I think. But we have new members since then. I keep coming back to these because originally they were going to be the first of a series, but I never got any further with them. The idea was that each poem should juxtapose two scenes, or situations, not by presenting them in separate poems, but by combining them into one, running them together as it were. The 'scene' changes line by line, or short passage by short passage. The result - if it works - should be a sharp and significant contrast.
I would be interested to know if you think they work. More specifically, do the poems - especially the first one - tell you enough to see the two scenarios clearly? Do the poems do enough to bring out a significant contrast?
Let me know what you think.
James.
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 V`yonne at 13:33 on 25 March 2015
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I have read and reread and reread James and I have have come to the conclusion that I maybe don't have enoguh context. Let's see...
I am getting a war situation -- farmland -- snipers. Maybe it is a civila war because the hatred seems intense and personal
Charmed life
that little motherfucker
That works against an almost idylic setting as a stark and cruel contrast.
Tom holds a hen
and calms its nervy neck
Tom is the child and named to make us feel that connection. The hen is due I think for the pot. Perhaps death is inevitable here but it is the mother calling the child that gives the last shot its target. Very poignent that.
we can sell
I wish to sell
you peace of mind
my doves
The italics (wouldn't come out as you formatted) is a differnet voice? And yet this works on me a one voice and there is no way after the first poem they are selling me peace of mind -- I don't believe it. I have just been reading that death is inevitable. But I do love the lilt of this -- calming -- and 'my doves' my little ones -- so endearing!
In the last stanza there is a kind of betrayal -- something held precious by two generations now being sold off by another. It ifts in a way with the first part because one feels discontinuity/disruption and that nothing lasts.
I don't know how ell or ill that fits with what you intended James but you have my penny'sworth.
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James Graham at 21:59 on 25 March 2015
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Thanks, Oonah. You’ve told me exactly what I needed to know: neither of these poems works! Lead balloons, both of them. The horse-soldiers are those who took part in the Sand Creek massacre of Cherokee and Arapaho men, women and children in 1864. They take aim at a child who is running away terrified, but two of them miss; the third kills the child. Tom is my grandson, when he was about 6 or 7. But how are you or anyone else expected to know that?
It’s supposed to be two scenes merged. Separate them and you get:
horse-soldiers aim
at a running child
the first has missed
Now let me try
the little bastard
says the second
Charmed life
that little motherfucker
says the third
he does not miss
Tom holds a hen
and calms its nervy neck
laughs at the ambling ducks
and feeds the two
big horses and the pony
mummy calls for school
he does not miss
‘He does not miss’ is supposed to mean the third soldier does not miss and Tom does not miss school, or the chance to live a full life.
I’ve sometimes told WW members not to spell things out too much but also not demand too much of readers. This doesn’t spell anything out, and asks the impossible!
Do you think it’s saveable? If not, tell me to bin it.
I thought the second one might be more accessible. The words not in italics are advertising messages, and those in italics are meant to be the voice of a poor man in somewhere like Cairo or Dhaka, selling his possessions to buy food. But I can see that it’s not at all obvious and it too needs to be sorted or binned.
James.
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V`yonne at 00:04 on 26 March 2015
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Do you think it’s saveable?
It may be. THEY may be. But I think they are too esoteric at the moment.
I asked myself at the end what is the message.
the Sand Creek massacre of Cherokee and Arapaho men, women and children in 1864.
Tom wasn't there then!!! Well -- you know -- wow! Very specific on both counts. Contexually if you want to get all that in then this is too sparce.
I don't bin anything but sometimes there's a dead end and the material needs a new incarnation -- a new theme -- a new raison d'etre -- there wasn't anything I didn't like.
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 FelixBenson at 09:46 on 28 March 2015
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I agree with Oonah, James. Yes you may need more context, but I wouldn't bin them James, at the very least because the form of the poem is inventive and intriguing It leads you to re-read, and try and untwine the narratives. I loved this idea of contrast, bringing something so distant and frightening, to so something close, safe and domestic. It is an attempt to make the here and now connect with a time and place which is separated by time, geography and culture. I thought I could work out which of the narratives were which, and I could see war and domesticity, but I didn't get it quite right. I thought when I read horse soldiers, of child soldiers. I thought this was about children shooting children. Joseph Kony is what came to mind.
I just couldn't necessarily see who these people were, but I wasn't sure if that mattered? Do you want the reader to know it is the Sand Creek Massacre? I don't have any really useful suggestions here, but I will repeat the useful advice you have given me in the past about using titles tohelp convey the context that you don't want to weight the poem down with, and I think that potetially could work here. I think Crossings might be too subtle. I also think sub heads here could work.
The other thing I was thinking of, is whether these poems would work in a more experimental delivery. Either spoken word or a poem/film. I have seen some really interesting poem films, and although they are a much greater undertaking than simply the words on the page, I have often thought they would work really well for your poems,which often have a quality that is about documenting and highlighting injustice. Because within the film you can use photography, imagery and music to give the poem a specific context. Have you ever experiemented in this way - I seem to remember you mentioning something about working with photography?
The language of advertising that you intertwine in the second poem would really work with a film I think, as by use of font and images of adverts, those lines could clearly be shown to be what they are - bylines for products. The man in poverty, selling his wares can be conveyed similarly.
I know these things are not easy to do, but I have thought that the way your journalistic instincts combine with your poetic sensibility, might mean that visual media would be a great way to get your work across in a different way.
Anyway,I think the combined dialogue is what makes these poems so interesting.
Cheers, Kirsty
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V`yonne at 10:57 on 28 March 2015
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Kirsty said:
I just couldn't necessarily see who these people were, but I wasn't sure if that mattered?
and that as she says is up to you but I would say the situsation has existed and always will in lots of cultures and that it is the safe and unsafe/ nurture and death theme that came across strongly for me -- my context being South Armagh in the 70s of course -- the only goon yin's a deed yin -- child or not...
and I like part two as it is.
Maybe what you need is to add some more stanzas? Different contexts? Really swirl the waters?
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James Graham at 21:35 on 28 March 2015
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Kirsty, many thanks for these interesting and helpful ideas. I can imagine a short film cutting back and forth between scenes of mounted soldiers attacking a Cherokee village and shooting a running child, and a little boy outside his country home, saying good morning to the chickens and ducks before going to school. More of a dream than a possibility, though. However, I can use still photography (quite good at it!). My grandson is now 23, so another little boy would have to pose with a chicken in his arms and ducks nearby. Could be done. There are strong images of the Sand Creek massacre and others – paintings by both white and Native American artists, which could be used.
Your idea of using two voices to read the poem aloud (and any other similar poems) would surely work. Before the reading the audience could be told the places and dates of the two contrasting scenes.
What I need, but haven’t come up with yet, is a generic title placed at the head of the series of poems, with each poem then numbered. The title must somehow, in a few words, define the kind of poems these are. Each poem will merge together two places, events or scenes very remote from each other in space and time. However different, the two have something in common, which the poem reveals – usually a significance to do with, as you say, ‘documenting and highlighting injustice’. Each poem needs to have brief information attached to it. A layout like this:
GENERIC TITLE
1
(Text of first poem)
Sand Creek, Colorado, November 29, 1864
Treburgett, Cornwall, September 14, 1998
(The second date is approximate.) I do want the events and settings to be specific, because I want the poems to be documentary.
The overall title will surface in my brain in its own good time, I suppose. All I have so far is ‘Montages’ but that’s not it.
Anyway, thanks again, Kirsty. And Oonah. This is what WW is all about – discussion that really throws light on the subject.
James.
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V`yonne at 21:45 on 28 March 2015
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I for one am looking forward to reading it in a new incarnation.
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 Josiew at 15:19 on 29 March 2015
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Tom, you say you have told WW readers not to spell things out too much - but I am a reader who loves clarity in what I read. I have the commen sense to think about it afterwards, but to have to dig beneath words to extract meaning isn't something I like at all. I hope that, although my poems go into many secondary schools, that there will never be a time when students have to meet it sitting an examination and having to extract meaning and analyse my words. To me that isn't enjoyable and for many young people it is enough to put them off poetry for life - - - but I may be wrong, ha ha I've just written "Riding the Wild Waves" which is about surfing. It is very visual (and would be good accompanied to a film) - but you have to get into the mind of sports people and try to imagine why they want to do these sports, ie what is their driving urge to dice with death on the sea, on the ski slopes, in a motor race or perhaps on the race course. This is hard.
<Added>
Oh, I do know that common has an "o" in it but couldn't get in to correct my words. Sorry. Is this not possible on this website - and if so, why?
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 stormbox at 22:34 on 02 April 2015
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Hi James, sorry for the delay in responding. I did re-read this several times, thought I had cracked it, and meant to comment, but then I got distracted with other things. I did get that it was two scenes, one with cavalry killing a child, and the other a youngster working on a farm. However, I read too much into the scene being the same farm but separated by time. So I thought the young boy was with 3 horses (well, 2 horses and a pony) but in the second scene it was the the hen that was killed.
I agree with the other comments that this would work really well with two people reading it alternately and then sharing the last line. Definitely don't throw it away!
Regards,
David
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FelixBenson at 12:39 on 04 April 2015
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Hi James
I just want to say: I like the new title - that really makes it clear what is happening in the poem, and gives readers a good way in I think.
Kirsty
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James Graham at 20:19 on 08 April 2015
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Thanks for your follow-up comments. I think that 'Juxtapositions for Two Voices' and assigning the poem to two readers works quite well. I have a (so far) very vague idea for a new poem in the same form. If it comes to fruition I will post it.
James.
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