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Steve

by Stacey 

Posted: 22 February 2015
Word Count: 96
Summary: A silly poem written for children aged 7-11.
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Under my bed where it's dark and smelly 
Lives a monster called Steve with a wobbly belly
 
He has long wavy hair coz he's in a rock band
He eats pizza for breakfast whilst he tweets back his fans 
 
He has 17 fingers and 22 toes
When he sneezes 10 bats fly straight out of his nose 
 
He's frightened of Barbies and anything pink 
He'll cry if you give him Ribena to drink 
 
His Mum is called Simon, she lives in the shed
She thinks Steve is a dentist, not a Rockstar who shreds 
 
 






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Comments by other Members



Bazz at 14:57 on 22 February 2015  Report this post
Hi Stacey, this is really fun, there's a great character here (love the last line!). Have you joined the poetry group? If you upload this there more people will see it :)

<Added>

Ah, I see the group is full, if you send James (he's the head of the group) a message he might be able to help with that
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andinadia at 07:35 on 23 February 2015  Report this post
Hi Stacey

Welcome to WW. If you're into poetry for children, can I suggest you join the children's group. There's plenty of rhyming work for children there. I think you'll also find it helpful to have the viewpoints of people used to writing with narrative. This would help (at least it would help me) get to grips with the ending where mum thinks Steve is a dentist.

The opening couplet is promising and I liked the couplet:
He's frightened of Barbies and anything pink 
He'll cry if you give him Ribena to drink 
It has good metre, with the stress on the key words, and it has a lovely link between the colour pink and the Ribena (although Ribena is not very pink!). But in this couplet I think there might be better words than 'cry' to indicate rejection.

Andy
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