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Pathetic person

by roovacrag 

Posted: 29 January 2004
Word Count: 100

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You don't know it
you're under the thumb
They call
you run.

Take your time
just a dummy
they call
you run.

Tried and tested
by millions of people
they call
you run.

No life of your own
no soul of your own
they call
you run.

You think your in charge
just hand over your mind
they call
you run

Your not the person
you once was
they call
you run.

Your pathetic
only part of a person that was
they call
why run

they wants a person
your not one anymore
they go
to find a real person.

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Comments by other Members

olebut at 13:29 on 29 January 2004  Report this post

again simple and effective if slightly sexist the only change I would make is to remove the word 'only' in line 1 of the 5th stanza

take care


ps you could of course changethe sex of the subject to different effect :)

roovacrag at 13:40 on 29 January 2004  Report this post
Thank you David,as always I take your advice. Yes it did sound sexist, but had so many men moaning thought it was ok. No doubt men will say it about women.xxxx Alice

Fearless at 16:09 on 29 January 2004  Report this post

Good to see you are an equal opportunity sexist. Like the repetition of the last two lines of each stanza.


poemsgalore at 18:44 on 29 January 2004  Report this post
I didn't read any sexixm into this at all. It could just as easily read as either a man or a woman. I loved it Alice - as always, but agree with David about the word 'only'.

bluesky3d at 19:21 on 29 January 2004  Report this post
'Your not the person
you once was'

'Your pathetic'

Is the ungrammatical nature of these lines intentional Alice?

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