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Sprout

by Rai15 

Posted: 26 January 2004
Word Count: 75


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Why do you presume
that I could ever care?
How is it
in your eyes Iím doomed?
What makes you
alienate me now?
When will you see
nothingís so simple?
Who will it take
to break through?

I am this way
because I want to be
My perdition
only I shall know
Maturity flees you
escaping from you
A time will birth
that shall blind you
It is not my place
but only to advise






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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 17:13 on 26 January 2004  Report this post
Good poem, but i would rather see
My own damnation..rather than perdition. Don't try to put complicated words in. Poems are easy reading and easy listening,banal at times.
It's your poem,I can only advise. x Alice

miffle at 18:03 on 26 January 2004  Report this post
This made me think of the experience of being or feeling overlooked or typecast...
I found the line 'A time will birth/ that will blind you' the most striking - it seemed to me to hint at you proving whoever it is/ was wrong (i.e. with your poems) but the tone of it sounded, a bit too Zeus and thunderbolts I'm afraid for to take you seriously!
Overall, a well written piece but I do wonder if you really meant to use such a condescending tone in places? nikki ;-)




miffle at 18:05 on 26 January 2004  Report this post
NB meant to say '...for me to take it seriously'

Rai15 at 19:13 on 26 January 2004  Report this post
Alice, thank you very much and I did originally put damnation so it'll probably get changed back at some stage.
Nikki, I don't intend to make it sound so condescending but I think it just happens because of the mood I'm in I guess. Thanks.

-Rai-

Bobo at 22:44 on 26 January 2004  Report this post
Rai - I really like this. In fact, I wouldn't change a thing...except perhaps the title - seems to me that it needs something more powerful to be in line with its essence ( just my preference ).

Good writing. Strong and evocative.

BoBo x

Rai15 at 18:57 on 27 January 2004  Report this post
BoBo, thank you very much, I really appreciate your kind words, very much. Thanks again.

-Rai-


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