Survivor
Posted: 20 May 2014
Word Count: 78
Summary: Spring's nearly over, but here's a Spring poem.
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Survivor
It was the killing time. Upon
young dandelions, nettles, buttercups, I poured
a terrible rain. Aspiring leaves
became slate-grey, and failed,
and fell to earth. The chosen
tulips and crocus prospered as they should.
But one day, after a night of rain,
out of this plain of death, this poor
afflicted piece of earth,
it had grown: a single dandelion head,
a golden disc, a little sun,
proud as an Easter lily,
saying, ‘It is Spring’.
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Comments by other Members
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 FelixBenson at 21:18 on 21 May 2014
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What a wonderfully immediate poem, James. There's a suggestion of mythology in the tone - it sounds like a pronoucement, or creation myth, is that right? It's just the right tone anyway. I think it's a tremendously good poem and I especially love the images and enjambment in this section:
Aspiring leaves
became slate-grey, and failed,
and fell to earth. The chosen
tulips and crocus prospered as they should.
I did wonder if you needed Spring in the opening lines though, maybe simply:
It was the killing time. Upon
Would work better? I thought something similar about the reference to Spring in the last lines, but I don't have a suggestion for that section as yet. I have only read this a few times, so I will re-read a few more times, and offer more critical reflection.
Great poem though!
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 James Graham at 20:09 on 22 May 2014
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Thanks, Kirsty. Your suggestion for leaving ‘Spring’ out of the first line would work very well. I’m forgetting that poetry readers don’t need to be told certain things, and can supply the meaning for themselves. Quite easily in this case: young dandelions etc and then tulips and crocuses – it must be Spring. I won’t decide on any changes to the rest of the poem; I’ll wait for you to get back to me.
There's a suggestion of mythology in the tone
Yes, biblical mythology I think. I was aware of the ‘terrible rain’ being like one of the plagues of Egypt, and in the ‘chosen’ flowers, those we favour and allow to flourish, there’s a hint of the ‘chosen people’. But what I had in mind was quite simple, really – the astonishing capacity for survival of this ordinary, unwanted little wild flower.
James.
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 Dave Morehouse at 14:17 on 26 May 2014
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I love this snippet of Spring, James. Perhaps 'Vernal Proclamation' could be worked in the final line rather than the repeated Spring. The poem is already language-rich and the pretentious dandelion might complete the thought. I may be off-base so you should let me know what you think. Cheers, Dave.
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 V`yonne at 14:29 on 26 May 2014
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I'd start with
The killing time.
James and how about
slate-greyed and failed,
and maybe
a single dandelion head,
a golden disc, a little sun,
proud as an Easter lily,
proclaimed, ‘It is Spring’.
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James Graham at 19:05 on 26 May 2014
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Dave and Oonah - definitely not 'Spring' in the first line. I'll leave it in the last line - the dandelion seems to be saying 'It's Spring, you fool...seems I need to remind you'. But a stronger word than 'saying' is called for: proclaiming, declaring, protesting, trumpeting (?). I'll think about it.
'Slate-greyed' didn't grab me at first, but the more I think about it...it's concise.
James.
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 Bazz at 21:58 on 02 June 2014
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Hi James, this is a very vivid piece! I agree about the sense of mythology, the strange sense of both intimacy and scale. And I don't think spring is needed in the first line, the killing time tells us more than enough. As i read it, the dandelions are being weeded out, and one survives despite every effort to prevent it, so perhaps the last line should be: it is spring / you do not own it.
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James Graham at 21:49 on 04 June 2014
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Spring is gone from the first line, but that's the only change. Your suggestions are appreciated as always, but this time I've turned most of them down. The last line seemed best left alone - 'proclaiming' or 'declaring' it is Spring seems a bit heavy; I like understatement, so it remains
saying, ‘It is Spring’.
Barry, I thought twice about adding 'you do not own it' as it's simple and direct, but decided 'you do not own it' is a thought that could be left to the reader to come up with.
James.
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