Login   Sign Up 



 

A Final Exit

by BryanW 

Posted: 08 November 2013
Word Count: 586
Summary: For Week 482 Challenge 'Passing it on"


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


“Come. Come here. There's something I need to ... to tell you all,” whispered the dying man to his grim-faced and attentive family as they leaned forward, as one, around his bed.

“There's something I must pass on before I ... pass on.” He paused. Then, in what might have been a death-rattle, but what was, in point of fact, a chuckle, he added, “D'ya geddit? Pass on before I pass on.” The leaning family stared at him. “It's a whatsit - a pun,” he added.

There was an uncomfortable shuffling of feet. A thin smile curled across the dying man's face - a curling, teasing smile aimed at his wife - a smile they had all come to know over the years. His audience, however, felt that this was no time for levity. It was just not appropriate for the dignity required of the situation. Anyway, what was it he wanted to pass on?

“What I want to pass on is...” But then his jaw dropped. The curling smile became a gaping hole.

The leaners, as one, stood upright. They stared at the corpse, then at each other.

“I wonder what he was going to say?” his brother murmured, fingering his tie to make it straight.

“He was having us all on,” said grandson George. “You know his sense of humour.”

“I'm sure he was going to tell us he'd seen the light! They do, you know, just before they go!“ said his new-to-the-role widow.

“Naa. He was a rabid atheist,” said George. “Didn't he tell the vicar to sod off when you brought him in here yesterday, gran?”

“Wasn't in his right mind, George, I'm sure. No it's a proper church service for him, with all the trimmings!”

The topic of the existence of a supreme being hadn't been the only difference of opinion between the old couple. In fact, they had disagreed over a number of things. In recent times there was the particular problem of what to watch on the tele. Her love of East Enders nearly drove him to distraction. He would leave the room when it was on. "Phoney cliff-hangers. Contrived. Waste of time." When it came to dramatic structure, he was more the sort of ironic twist type. But their big argument, their really big one, came after his visit to the doctor, when he learned about his coming exit from the stage. “You'll get me in that church over my dead body!” he had proclaimed when she asked him about the sort of funeral service he wanted. "I've been a non-believer all my life and that isn't going to change because of this little setback.”

She went back to her hoovering. He went off into the garden to ponder.

The big day arrived soon enough. The same family group stood together again, this time solemnly looking out from the bay window in the front room, waiting for the hearse to drive up.

The phone rang. George went out into the hallway to answer it. "It's for you, gran."

There was a mumble of conversation. Was that an “Oh shit! He hasn't has he?” that they heard? Moments later, gran was standing at the door. “The bugger. The scheming old bugger. It's the University medical school. He's only gone and left his body for research. They phoned to say they'd just collected it from the funeral parlour. And they thanked me. The funeral's off!"

George smiled - a thin smile that curled across his face - his granddad's smile.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Desormais at 18:00 on 09 November 2013  Report this post
I thought you made the old man quite likeable Bryan and the story made me grin. The deathbed scene was expertly described - I could almost have been there, and I liked the prospect of a terminal illness being 'a litle setback'. All the dialogue seemed very believable and flowed nicely. I'm not sure the bit about East Enders added much to the piece, so I'd probably have left that out I think. But an enjoyable story.

I'm not sure I've read your work on here before so if it's your first time, welcome. If not, I probably missed you on one of my many hiatuses, (hiati?)

Sandra

Manusha at 12:08 on 10 November 2013  Report this post
Hi Bryan,

An enjoyable story with a clever ending. He was a sly old bugger! I agree with Sandra in that you probably didn't need the Eastenders bit, maybe it could've just focused on the argument about his funeral (or lack of one!). But nevertheless a good story, and if it's the first one you've posted here it was a fine debut.

Andy

euclid at 14:49 on 10 November 2013  Report this post
Good story, Bryan.

Well done.

JJ

crowspark at 16:52 on 10 November 2013  Report this post
An excellent debut, Bryan. Although this is good as it is, if you could reduce the word count to around 400 words you might find it a quicker and tighter read. That is the joy of Flash, when less is more!


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .