I am an atheist. It seems like such a simple statement to make and was a relatively easy decision for me. Religion had never been a significant part of my life and my closest friends and family share similar views. I thought about God in the same way that I did about Santa, a mythical being that made an interesting story and sometimes led to gifts and my only experience of worship had been at primary school assemblies and church visits. In my late twenties I began to take the issue of religious belief more seriously and thought about becoming an atheist. This then prompted me to talk to my father, who was open about his atheism and one of the most rational people I know. However, I knew nothing about his early experience of religion and what he had to go through to reject it.

My father grew up in South Manchester with two brothers and two sisters. During his early twenties he gave up a career in the civil service and studied for a mathematics degree at Brunel University, which led to his academic career in computer education. For many years that was all I knew about his background. Like a lot of people, I had never talked to either of my parents at length about their early lives, but, as I matured and began to appreciate them, I wanted to learn more about their lives before sensible careers and children took over. I learnt about how they first met (he was her landlord!) and how they ended up in Reading, where I was brought up. When he began to talk about his childhood, my father revealed that he had been brought up as a catholic and educated at a school run by priests. This was a surprise to me, because I had always assumed that his atheism stemmed from a relatively minimal exposure to religion, similar to my own experience.

His mother was the driving force behind his catholic upbringing and, while his father was not particularly religious, he never spoke out against her beliefs or desires to impose this on their children. This resulted in my father attending the local catholic school and the usual regular rituals and ceremonies at church. Unlike the revelation experience of the average born again Christian, there wasn’t a sudden realisation for him that God did not exist. He had spent many years absolutely believing what he had been taught and it took just as long to question those beliefs and find an alternative to be able to fully reject it.

I already had a lot of respect for my father, but as I learnt about what he went through I realised just how lucky I am. He had to find the strength and resolve to question and stand up to almost everyone around him in positions of authority and trust. The priests at his school, who were supposed to provide teaching and guidance, were the same people who praised a mythical being for creating everything in the world and used the existence of Hell as a threat against anyone who questioned that view or refused to take part in their strange rituals. There was no objectivity to their teaching or opportunity to question it in light of the numerous logical flaws of religion. As his questions went unanswered, my father realised that these were ordinary men who had no influence over whether he would go to Heaven or Hell and used fear and guilt to impose their divine authority. Once this seed had been planted, he then started to question the existence of God. He took more of an interest in science and maths, which provided the basis for the alternative explanation he was seeking. More importantly, he learnt how these theories were developed from the study of real evidence and continually reviewed and adapted as knowledge expanded and new evidence was discovered. He could no longer believe in an invention of the mind which relied on faith to make it real.

This was still not an easy decision. How could he reject what everyone around him believed? Could evolution really explain why humans are moral beings? He had been told over and over again how belief in God was the only way that you could be good. After all, for generations, the imparting of good behaviour had been seen as responsibility of the church. There are many examples throughout history of people who questioned the established religion portrayed as lacking in moral fibre, which then provided the justification for their persecution and, in the worst cases, death. In addition to this, as with many religions, there was a well defined community where he lived centred round the local church, and rejection of this could lead to isolation and alienation.

For this reason, my father didn’t reveal his beliefs to family members and decided that the best solution would be to move away from that community. Education provided the best opportunity to do this and, while working for the civil service, he completed three ‘A’ Levels at night school. He was then able to go to university, because the local education authorities were now required to pay tuition fees and also provide a maintenance grant, without which this would have been out of his reach. I had always known how much my father had valued his university education, because he encouraged his children to seriously consider it, both for the education and experience. I now understood more fully why this meant so much to him. As well as enabling him to move further beyond his upbringing, it released him from an unfulfilling career and allowed him to fully pursue his own interests.

Another aspect about his background, which I had not fully understood, was the development of his political views. During his time at university he was briefly a member of the Communist Party and for a number of years afterwards, a strong supporter of the Labour Party. At university, the group of friends that he connected with, who shared his views about religion, also influenced his political views. This was at a time when Communist societies were much more prevalent than today and a major theme of many of them was the repression of religion. However, it didn’t take him long to realise that he could separate his atheist and political views and, once again, make up his own mind. Unlike the priests who taught him, he knew that he could change and adapt in the face of new evidence. He has continued to do so throughout his life and has been a loyal Conservative voter for the last twenty years!

Now that I know what my father had to go through, I am grateful that he felt able to tell me about his experiences and the reason he became an atheist. This was a very personal and, at times, painful process for him and when he talks about his childhood I am very aware of how this affected him and the resentment he still feels. Despite this, I never felt that he ever tried to “protect” us from religion. My sister and I attended the local Church of England school because both of my parents knew that it was a good school in the right location. His approach was always that we should learn as much as possible about the world, then make up our own minds about what to believe in.

My decision to become atheist was influenced by the beliefs I have developed and also the struggle that others, including my father, have had to reject their religion. I realised that it was not enough for me to simply remain apathetic about religion, when I knew that I did not believe in God and also felt strongly about the problems that religion causes. I’m sure that my father is relieved about the choices I have made, but I also know that, if I had chosen religion it would be something we could talk about rationally and agree to disagree on. After all, when the Jehovah’s Witnesses come to the door he is very happy to invite them in and discuss the error of their ways!