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Taking of a pearl
Posted: 19 January 2004 Word Count: 99 Summary: A sensual poem written for a lover
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Taking Of A Pearl
Her secret hiding-place no one goes, but he, Far down below, her deep dark sea. A homely haven, where warm delight resides There her fine fellow, from time to time may hide. To escape from himself, he finds her soul; Together they may reach their satisfying goal. Her nether shelled world becomes his oyster Where for her pleasure, forever he may loiter. In that place, he finds, the precious in her And covets, and treasures it like a true lover. For she keeps it secret, and hidden away, The pearl of her beautiful, sensual way.
Comments by other Members
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roovacrag at 09:42 on 20 January 2004
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I loved this one,can visualise the taking of the pearl a precious gift given only to the few.Only a lover can take it given freely with a secret wanting. x Alice
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The Walrus at 14:08 on 20 January 2004
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Wow! I simply loved this piece! As you say it is very sensual. It is also, so gentle and conveys wonderfully the sense of treasuring something so precious. Particularly liked the oyster imagery.
Well done Anita.
The Walrus
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libera at 11:58 on 21 January 2004
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thanks so much for your comments! i am still grappling with the ending. there are two choices and its the last 4 lines that vary slightly. what do you think? cheers, anita.
In that place he can find the precious in her
And covet, and treasure it like a true lover.
For she keeps it safe and hidden away,
The pearl of her beautiful sensual way.
OR:
In that place, he can find the precious pearl in her
And covet, and treasure it like a true lover.
For she keeps it safe and hidden away,
Her pearly beautiful sensual way.
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miffle at 19:37 on 21 January 2004
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I liked this poem.
Re. endings:
I prefer the 1st ending because it sounds better to my ear, keeps the rhythm and also keeps hold of a noun - which I tend to find anchor images better.
That said 'her pearly beautiful sensual way' sounds a little more swimmy (i.e. less distilled because of the 'ly') which does give as sense of underwater pearl diving - being underwater.
That said part of me wanted to hear 'The pearl of her beautiful sensual sway'...
i.e. see how it sounds on the ear and then check that it's saying what you mean and see where you get...
write on, nikki ;-)
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Account Closed at 22:33 on 23 January 2004
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I love this, whichever set of last lines is chosen! I think it's beautiful and sexy and funny, and the sort of poem that cries out to be read at a public reading too.
Wonderful!!
Anne B
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libera at 14:56 on 24 January 2004
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thanks for your comments everyone! i appreciate them. anita
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