A seat by the river
Posted: 17 May 2013
Word Count: 83
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On a tall morning,
by a river bank bulging
with Bluebells and Forget-me-nots
he watches the dew drop
and slowly dry. He sees
green hands range through
the slats of a crooked metal seat,
smeared with bird lime and algae,
to stake a claim
on their chance of sun.
The sultry smell of new growth
skins him with lush kisses.
With deliberate, blind breath
he sits, innocent again,
and hears the day skip by like a stone
skimming across the broad slow water.
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 James Graham at 17:05 on 20 May 2013
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Hi Nick - This is a kind of poem I like, one which takes an ‘ordinary’ subject and makes something extraordinary out of it. The ‘crooked metal seat’ is something that many people would hardly notice, or think was ugly, and see nothing significant in it or even in its surroundings. But poets are different, and you’ve made a fine poem out of this subject.
There’s something striking in almost every line, starting with ‘a tall morning’ and going on to ‘green hands range through’, ‘skins him with lush kisses’. And other examples. There’s so much in the last stanza it’s quite staggering:
| With deliberate, blind breath |
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Here you say so much in so few words: what he does (something that others might mistakenly consider just idling) is his own choice; his ‘breath’ is ‘blind’, I understand to mean his living being, his awareness, is focused on this place and time and blind to the tedious affairs of daily life, from gas bills to politics.
confirms this: as an adult he is not ‘innocent’ in many ways; there are responsibilities; he has done things that he regrets; but all that is unseen and unthought-of in the here and now.
I won’t say anything about the last two lines, except they are impeccable. They end the poem vividly and movingly.
There’s only one word that seems to me out of place - ‘bulging’. It seems too coarse to describe the wild flowers. You don’t want a word like ‘teeming’ which is a bit of a cliche, but there should be another word that would be more appropriate. Something in the range of meaning of ‘abundant’ or ‘rich’, or flowing, flooded, overrun, crowded, busy. That’s the best I can do, but I do think you need something more ‘poetic’.
Excellent poem. Very satisfying.
James.
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 nickb at 23:21 on 22 May 2013
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Many thanks for that James, I wasn't sure about it so I'm really pleased that you like it. As usual you are spot on in the way you have interpreted it. Interestingly the seat was actually in a hotel garden and I started it with that in mind but struggled a bit. As soon as it changed to being by a river it all seemed to flow (no pun intended) much more easily.
Sorry I've not been around for a while by the way, been manic in work.
Nick
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 Elsie at 21:07 on 24 May 2013
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Hello,
I've been away from poetry for a bit. Too long.
But my first thoughts:
A tall morning - at first I thought huh? Then I think a high sky, no clouds, the expanse of sky perhaps.
On first reading I thought it was the voice of a down and out, but then thought it someone talong a bit of space from work.
Its about spending time, taking time out - how long does it take for dew to drop and dry - I think is where I thought it was someone who has all the time in the world.
Blind breath is interesting. Are all our breaths blind? Our body does what it does whatever is going on in the head.
Perhaps this is meditation?
It's also interesting, but I'm out of practice - the sounds that occur in the last two stanza - sk - stake, skins, skip, skimming. And how broad, slow, slows down the end.
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 TessaF at 23:13 on 28 May 2013
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Hi Nick
There is something very soothing and, as Elsie says, meditative about this poem. I love the way we are watching what 'he watches' and are seeing what 'he sees'. It's a poem that relaxes me, which is good as life has been so intense lately. I really enjoyed it - thank you for posting it.
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 V`yonne at 22:44 on 31 May 2013
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I enjoyed every single word and image of that from the tall morning which really gripped me to hearing the day skip by like a stone skimming - It's just perfect! The perfect poem! Love it!
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nickb at 23:50 on 01 June 2013
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Sorry I've been away. Many thanks for your thoughts and comments. It is interesting what you say about the meditatve quality of it. I remember standing staring at the seat for ages without really thinking of anything except the smell of the wet grass, so I guess that has been conveyed at least.
Nick
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Thomas Norman at 09:26 on 09 August 2014
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Hi Nick,
I'm new to this site and this is my first comment.
I really like the feel to this poem, a meditation on life by an old man. The slow flowing of the river representing the inexorable force field. To my mind the poem follows this course from the high morning; as seen by the child, through to the last line which cleverly slows to old age.
Completely satisfying. I do agree with James, bulging is not good. Perhaps glowing or floriferous might be better.
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