Login   Sign Up 



 

House Call

by crowspark 

Posted: 03 May 2013
Word Count: 49
Summary: For the 200 challenge


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Hill rears jagged
street lamps blink
orange blood as I
climb to 200

Cars cant bumper
to bumper in
this hood as I
climb to 200

Doors slam
lights out
drapes twitch as I
climb to 200

In my pocket
muzzle heavy
safety off as I
climb to 200






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



tusker at 16:32 on 04 May 2013  Report this post
Dramatic, Bill.

I could see that dark, menacing figure climb up the hill. Very atmospheric and chilling.

Jennifer



crowspark at 18:06 on 04 May 2013  Report this post
Thanks Jennifer.

Bill

V`yonne at 18:11 on 04 May 2013  Report this post
He's going to murder someone?

I loved
street lamps blink
orange blood

reminded me of Constitution Hill in Swansea in the rain! And that hill would ruin anyone's constitution!

Nella at 13:13 on 05 May 2013  Report this post
The repetition has a really chilling effect here. The tension climbs with each stanza. Well done! And I also liked those lines Oonah picked out. Great stuff!

Robin


crowspark at 18:38 on 05 May 2013  Report this post
Thanks Oonah. Never been to Swansea, must visit some time,

crowspark at 18:41 on 05 May 2013  Report this post
Thanks Robin. I'm glad I managed to write something.

Bill

Dave Morehouse at 18:51 on 06 May 2013  Report this post
Bill. The refrain adds a bone chill factor to this one. It helps each stanza to build more intensely than the previous one. The short staccato lines and limited syllable counts pace this dramatically. They also add sort of a gunshot effect. Great take on the challenge. Dave

crowspark at 19:01 on 06 May 2013  Report this post
Thanks Dave.
Bill


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .