House Call by crowspark - WriteWords.org.uk

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House Call

by crowspark

Posted: 03 May 2013
Word Count: 49
Summary: For the 200 challenge

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Hill rears jagged
street lamps blink
orange blood as I
climb to 200

Cars cant bumper
to bumper in
this hood as I
climb to 200

Doors slam
lights out
drapes twitch as I
climb to 200

In my pocket
muzzle heavy
safety off as I
climb to 200

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Comments by other Members

tusker at 16:32 on 04 May 2013 Report this post

Dramatic, Bill.

I could see that dark, menacing figure climb up the hill. Very atmospheric and chilling.

Jennifer

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crowspark at 18:06 on 04 May 2013 Report this post

Thanks Jennifer.

Bill

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V`yonne at 18:11 on 04 May 2013 Report this post

He's going to murder someone?

I loved

street lamps blink
orange blood

reminded me of Constitution Hill in Swansea in the rain!

And that hill would ruin anyone's constitution!

Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)

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Nella at 13:13 on 05 May 2013 Report this post

The repetition has a really chilling effect here. The tension climbs with each stanza. Well done! And I also liked those lines Oonah picked out. Great stuff!

Robin

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crowspark at 18:38 on 05 May 2013 Report this post

Thanks Oonah. Never been to Swansea, must visit some time,

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crowspark at 18:41 on 05 May 2013 Report this post

Thanks Robin. I'm glad I managed to write something.

Bill

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Dave Morehouse at 18:51 on 06 May 2013 Report this post

Bill. The refrain adds a bone chill factor to this one. It helps each stanza to build more intensely than the previous one. The short staccato lines and limited syllable counts pace this dramatically. They also add sort of a gunshot effect. Great take on the challenge. Dave

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crowspark at 19:01 on 06 May 2013 Report this post

Thanks Dave.
Bill

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