ANTONY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT


ANTONY, early 30s and dressed smartly in a shirt and wearing glasses, sits on the end of a sofa writing in his diary. HANK,a similar age to Antony but much scruffier looking leaps onto the sofa, beer in one hand and switches on the television with a remote. Music begins to blare out.


ANTONY
I’m trying to write here!


Hank observes Antony writing in his diary with contempt


HANK
Your precious bloody diary? Give it a rest for tonight.


ANTONY
Can't.


HANK
Why the hell not?


ANTONY
I have to write in it every day.


HANK
Why?


ANTONY
You wouldn't understand, don't worry about it.


HANK
I'll worry about it when I can’t watch TV without you moaning like a little old woman, with your stupid little diary.


Hank turns the music back up on the television, purposely to annoy Antony. He begins to head bang to emphasise the music even more.


ANTONY
Okay! Look....This (Antony gestures diary) Is a time machine


Hank mutes the televsion


HANK
You what? You’re building a time machine? Let me see


Hank tries to snatch the diary from Antony but he is unsuccessful


ANTONY
(Sighs as if talking to an idiot)
.. No, I’m not building a time machine!


HANK
Then what the hell are you talking about?


ANTONY
(He sighs with contempt, as if preparing to explain something Hank will not understand)
This diary will allow me to travel in time.


HANK
What? You’re gonna go all Doctor Who and visit the dinosaurs?


ANTONY
I’m not gonna actually travel in time! I’m recording my life daily, and then in years to come, I can MENTALLY re live my past.


HANK
Why?


ANTONY
Why not?


HANK
Cos your life is shite mate! You hate your job, the kids at the school hate you, your ex wife hates you. Why would you want to relive that? You’re a nobody who does nothing.


Antony tries to answer back but finds himself lost for words.


Antony and Hank stop talking. Hank turns turns the music back up and Antony soldiers on with his writing.


(Time passes)


HANK
You know what you wanna do?


ANTONY
(Groans)
What?


HANK
Make a real time machine


Antony just rolls his eyes with contempt and ignores Hank


HANK
Nah, Im serious.


Antony firmly puts down his pen in annoyance and looks up from his writing and turns to Hank


ANTONY
Enlighten me Einstein?


HANK
Well, you need to write a really good diary, not about your sad bloody life. Write about what's going on in the world, interesting stuff. Yeah?


ANTONY
Right.....


HANK
Then, when you’ve finished the book, give it to a museum.


ANTONY
OK, and the time travelling bit?


HANK
Well here’s the clever part. Write in your diary now, in big feck off letters. (Hank emphasizes) HOW TO INVENT TIME TRAVEL. IF TIME TRAVEL EXISTS IN THE FUTURE, IT IS BECAUSE I (Hank points to Antony) ANTONY CARTER, INVENTED TIME TRAVEL!


ANTONY
You're insane.


HANK
Listen, if someone in the future can time travel, he can travel back to tonight and show you how to make a real bloody time machine!


ANTONY
And why would he do that?


HANK
Its dead simple. In 2013 time travel was invented by you, Mr Carter because a time traveller travelled back and gave you the instructions for a working time machine. In the future he gets the instructions that were posted by you in his past. Its a paradox, its an infinite loop with no start or end! Its Star Trek 4 rules!


ANTONY
Star Trek 4?


HANK
Yeah, when Bones and Scotty gives a bloke in the 1980’s the details on how to make an engine part, or something like that. Point is, he got the information from the future, and they had that information in the future because the man in the 1980’s invented it when he got given the details


ANTONY
have you been smoking pot again?


HANK
Just write it in your diary, trust me.


ANTONY
NO!


HANK
Write it in your god damn diary!


ANTONY
No, its ridiculous. You're trying to make me look like an idiot as usual!


HANK
Write it or Im gonna come and punch you in the balls when you're asleep!


ANTONY
(scoffs)
just try it you lunatic!


Hank lurches for the diary but Antony refuses to let go. Soon the pair begin fighting ridiculousy, in a awkward wrestling manner, nothing too aggressive, more like siblings fighting over a toy.


[Scene Fades out]

[Scene Fades in]


Hank is stood holding a hammer to a chinchillas head, whilst Antony is anxiously standing nearby


ANTONY
Just put down Mr Wibbles, Hank


HANK
(Breathless)
Write it!


ANTONY
Okay, okay. I’m doing it..


(Hank waves the hammer over Mr Wibbles head meancingly)


HANK
What are you writing, show me!


ANTONY
Okay! I’m writing “I, Antony Carter, the inventor of Time Travel, bestow this secret to you. I invented time travel because on Wednesday 13th March, 2013, a time traveller, as instructed by me now, here in writing, will come to me on this date and at


HANK
Say 9pm,
(can see the time on digital clock 8:58)


ANTONY
at precisely 9pm and tell me how to invent a working time machine. With these instructions, I, Antony Carter, will become the inventor of time travel. Okay, are you happy now you mad man


ANTONY
Give me Mr Weebles


HANK
Do you swear to never destroy that page?


ANTONY
Yes I swear (does a mock salute)


HANK
Swear it, or help me God I will kick Weebly’s ass to Hell!


ANTONY
I swear it! I'll leave it in, if only to record what a complete nutter I was forced to live with!


HANK
Okay, glad you've seen sense finally.


Hank tosses Mr Weeble to Antony and watches the clock


The hand on the clock ticks down to 9pm


Both Antony and Hank become fixated on the time


9pm strikes and....nothing


ANTONY
See! You're a complete lunatic! I'm going to bed.


HANK
No! You must tear out the pages!


HANK
give me Mr Weebles!


Hank steps forward to grab Mr Weebles but suddenly a flash of light knocks Hank and Antony across the room onto the floor As the pair look up, they see a wormhole, a tear in space and time, open up right in front of them


Antony and Hank are dumbfounded


A man (PHILIP) steps through the vortex into the living room. He looks like a council worker, verysmarlydressed in a suit


PHILIP
(bows to ant)
Lord Antony Carter.
(Philip acknowledges Hank with a nod of his head but does not speak to him)
My name is Philip Lawlor and I am from the department of Time Travel.


HANK
You’re fr....fr...


PHILIP
From the future, yes.


HANK
Ha! Ha ha! I told you Antony! Ha ha, oh my God, I’ve invented time travel! Who's a lunatic now?


ANTONY
Flipping’ell. So, er...so what are you doing here Philip?


PHILIP
I am here, as you instructed. Im here to give to you the instructions for how to invent time travel. The instructions you released to the scientific community exactly five years ago.


ANTONY
So it really did work then..


PHILIP
Oh yes, it worked and it has changed everything. We’ve gone all over time, and space and we’ve discovered everything! For example, the big bang was started by a time traveller called Trevor on his lunchbreak.


Cut to:


A white screen. Suddenly a time portal opens and we see Trevor walking out into white space. He looks about smoking a cigarette with one hand and eating a hamburger with the other. Maybe he has a force field helmet on?


TREVOR
Blimey, not much going on here.


Breaks wind


Trevor floats back into the time portal


Cut back:


[Text: 13.82 billion years later]


Hank
Thats how we all got made?


PHILIP
Quite, and its all thanks to Lord Carter


ANTONY
Me?


PHILIP
You're responsible for everything, you are our creator. In the future you are revered as a God!


ANTONY
A God!


PHILIP
THE God!


HANK
Hang on a minute. Him? A GOD!?


PHILIP
Why yes, it was his amazing insight that created us, he...


HANK
Bullshit!!!!


PHILIP
Excuse me?


HANK
It was my idea, it was all my idea!


PHILIP
Your idea?


HANK
Yes, my idea, all of this is down to me. Not this loser here!


PHILIP
Is this true Lord Antony?


Hank
Stop calling him lord!


PHILIP
Are his claims true?


ANTONY
Err, no. No!


[Antony has a flashback to what Hank said earlier V.O Hank: You’re a nobody You’re a nobody You’re a nobody]


Antony
Does he look like someone who could have create the universe? Look at him!


HANK
What! Don’t you fucking dare, I’ll....


Hank picks up the hammer and steps towards Antony when another light erupts in the room, once again knocking everyone in the room to the ground. A second vortex opens


A small woman (MARIA SHORT) steps through the second vortex into the living room. She is dressed all in white and she is pointing a small white cube at Antony, Hank and Philip. Everybody stares up at her in wonderment. Philip quickly stands up, dusts himself off and steps forward towards the second time traveller.


PHILIP
Could I please see your travel documents? This is a forbidden time zone!


Philip walks towards the Lady in White with a hand out, expecting to see her documents


MARIA
Here’s my time pass!


The small white cube in Maria’s hand then fires a almighty white light at Philip Lawlor and disintegrates him.


Antony and Hank are still sat on the floor and watch in shock as Philips ashes plop down in front of them.


Maria walks towards them menacingly despite her tiny size


MARIA
I'm here to stop you!


HANK
Who? Me? What have I done?


MARIA
Not you, him. The creator of time travel. He destroyed everything!


ANTONY
What?


MARIA
Time travel was just the start. You started getting greedy! People don’t proclaim you as a God, you made your self a God! A merciless one!


Antony
What do I do?


Maria
SHUT UP! No more talking! This ends now


Antony
No! He invented time travel, it was his idea
(Pointing to Hank)


Hank
What? Oh no no no, as you said, it was you


Maria
I don't care, all I know is that Millions will die for your lust for power!


Antony
How?


Maria goes to shoot but is blasted away


The camera then cuts to a man who looks just like Antony, albeit an older version of him and he is holding a big futurist gun


FUTURE ANTONY
Rebel scum.


Antony and Hank get up, bewildered by yet another shock


ANTONY
You're me!


FUTURE ANTONY
Yes, I’m you, 15 years from now


HANK
Hey! Are you really a King?


FUTURE ANTONY
King of the World Hank!


HANK
Good for you
(sarcasm)
So where the hell am I in all this?


FUTURE ANTONY
I don’t know, I left you in this shit hole to go off and be rich, famous, ruler of all the universe!


HANK
What! That should all be mine. This was all my idea!


FUTURE ANTONY
Well its all in my diary, all in my name! Whose the nobody now, aye?


Hank looks on in shock and anger, lost for words.


ANTONY
Why was she trying to kill me?


FUTURE ANTONY
Because of what you become


ANTONY
Which is what?


FUTURE ANTONY
A God! Some people resent it


ANTONY
Oh my God!


HANK
You bastard, you total bastard! You’ve stole the universe from me!


Hank goes to strike Future Antony with the hammer but Future Antony puts a force field around him and present day Antony. Hank bashes at the force field


FUTURE ANTONY
Originally, Philip here (He kicks Philips ashes on the floor) Gave you the instructions, but the little rebel here had to intervene...


ANTONY
How could she do that?

FUTURE ANTONY
Ah, timelines. Every action creates a string of alternative realities. There are multiple realities for every event. She’s obviously managed to create a new timeline somewhere in the past. Didnt help her much though.


(Hank and ant stare at Future ant)


FUTURE ANTONY
She used a wormhole in time to change the past so that she could get to here. She would have gotten away with it but Philip triggered a warning beckon before he perished. She's an amateur, filthy rebel..


ANTONY
Yeah, but if she killed me, and stopped time travel, then she would never have been able to travel back to stop me in the first place.


FUTURE ANTONY
For my sake, don’t worry about it. Its all aborted timelines, alternative realities. It’s Back to the Future two rules. Just thank me for saving OUR life and take this.


ANTONY
What is it?


FUTURE ANTONY
The instructions to time travel. Pretty soon life is gonna get very interesting for us. Fame, money, girls and unimaginable power!


Hank, who has been hitting the force field with all of his might to this point, screams at Future Antonys last sentence and drops the hammer.


HANK
Hey, Antony, you big thieving bastard! I'm gonna tear the diary into little pieces, it was my idea!


Future Antony
Stop! If you destroy that diary then..............


Future Antony suddenly disappears


Hank
Where did he go?


Antony
Did you grab the diary


Hank
No, its right here


They both look to where Hank is pointing but the diary is not there


Antony
Where is it?


Hank
It was right there!


They hear nibbling


They crouch down and see Mr Wimbles


The camera cuts to the front of Mr Wibbles and he has one bit of paper left


Hank and Antony
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Mr Wibbles eats last bit


Hard cut to black


THE END