THE TIME DIARY

By Scott Evans

Screenplay for film short

FADE IN

INT. ANTONY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

ANTONY, early 30s and dressed smartly in a shirt and tie, sits on the end of a sofa writing in his diary. HANK, a similar age to Antony but much scruffier looking leaps onto the sofa, beer in one hand and switches on the television with a remote. Music begins to blare out.

Antony
Can you turn that down! I’m trying to write here

Hank observes Antony writing in his diary with contempt

HANK
You and your precious bloody diary. Why don’t you give it a rest for one night.

ANTONY
Can’t

HANK
Why the hell not?

ANTONY
Because I just can’t, its gotta be written every night

HANK
Why?

ANTONY
Look, don’t worry about it

HANK
I will worry about it when I can’t even listen to my own TV without you moaning like a little old woman, with her stupid little journal.

Hank turns the music back up on the television, purposely to annoy Antony. He begins to head bang to emphasise the music even more.

ANTONY
Okay! Look....This
(Antony gestures diary)
Is a time machine

Hank mutes the televsion

HANK
You what? You’re making a time machine? Are those plans for it? Let me see

Hank tries to snatch the diary from Antony but he is unsuccessful

ANTONY
No, I’m not building a bloody time machine you moron!

HANK
Then what the hell are you talking about?

ANTONY
(He sighs with contempt, as if preparing to explain something Hank will not understand)
This diary will allow me to travel in time.

HANK
What? You’re gonna go all Doctor Who and visit the dinosaurs?

ANTONY
No! I’m not going all Doctor Who. I’m not going to actually physically travel in time, I’m recording my life on a daily basis and then in years to come, I can MENTALLY relive experiences from my past.

HANK
Why?

ANTONY
Why wouldn’t I?

HANK
Cos your life is shite mate! You hate your job, the kids at the school hate you, your ex wife hates you. I hate you. Why would you want to relive that? You’re a nobody who does nothing.

Antony tries to answer back but finds himself lost for words.

Antony and Hank stop talking. Hank turns turns the music back up and Antony soldiers on with his writing.

(Time passes)

HANK
You know what you wanna do?

ANTONY
(Groans)
What?

HANK
Make a real time machine

Antony just rolls his eyes with contempt and ignores Hank

HANK
Nah, Im serious mate.

Antony firmly puts down his pen in annoyance and looks up from his writing and turns to Hank

ANTONY
Enlighten me Einstein. How?

HANK
Well, what you need to do is write a really good diary, not just about your sad pathetic life, but about what is going on with the world and continue to write it every day like you said. Yeah

ANTONY
Right.....

HANK
Then, when you’ve finished the book, give it to a museum

ANTONY
OK, and the time travelling bit?

HANK
Well here’s the clever part. Write in your diary now, in big feck off letters so that no one misses it
(Hank emphasizes)
HOW TO INVENT TIME TRAVEL. IF TIME TRAVEL EXISTS IN THE FUTURE, IT IS BECAUSE I
(Hank points to Antony)
ANTONY CARTER, INVENTED TIME TRAVEL!

ANTONY
Pardon?

HANK
Look, if someone in the future has the ability to time travel, he can travel back to tonight and give you the instructions on how to make a time machine.

ANTONY
And why would he do that for?

HANK
Its dead simple. In 2013 time travel was invented by you, Mr Carter because a time traveller travels back in time and gives you the instructions for a working time machine. In the future he gets the instructions that were posted by you in his past. Its a paradox, its an infinite loop with no start or end! Its Star Trek 4 rules!

ANTONY
Star Trek 4?

HANK
Yeah, when Bones and Scotty gives a bloke in the 1980’s the details on how to make an engine part, or something like that. Point is, he got the information from the future, and they had that information in the future because the man in the 1980’s invented it when he got given the details

ANTONY
Thats just stupid

HANK
Just write it in your diary

ANTONY
NO!

HANK
Write it in your god damn diary!

ANTONY
No, its ridiculous and would make me seems an idiot to future generations!

HANK
Write it in your diary or Im gonna come and punch you in the balls when your asleep!

ANTONY
No I will not

Hank lurches for the diary but Antony refuses to let go. Soon the pair begin fighting, in a awkward wrestling manner, nothing too aggressive, more like siblings fighting over a toy.

[Scene Fades out]

[Scene Fades in]

Hank is stood holding a hammer to a chinchillas head, whilst Antony is anxiously standing nearby

ANTONY
Just put down Mr Wibbles, Hank

HANK
(Breathless)
Right it in the god damn diary Ant!

ANTONY
Okay, okay. I’m doing it........where’s the pen gone?

HANK
It’s here!

ANTONY
Where?

HANK
Here!

Hank turns around and there is a pen stabbed into him shoulder

Antony walks over and retrieves the pen

ANTONY
Okay! I’m writing “I, Antony Carter, the inventor of Time Travel, bestow this secret to you. I invented time travel because on Wednesday 13th March, 2013, a time traveller, as instructed by me now, here in writing, will come to me on this date and at

HANK
Say 9pm, which is two minutes from now

ANTONY
”The time traveller will come to me today, the 13th March, 2013, at precisely 9pm and give to me instructions how to invent a working time machine. With these instructions, I, Antony Carter, will become the inventor of time travel” Okay, are you happy now? Give me Mr Weebles

HANK
Do you swear to never tear out those instructions?

ANTONY
Yes

HANK
Swear it, or help me God I will kick Weebly’s ass to Hell!

ANTONY
I swear it! I will leave it in, if only to record what a complete nutter I was forced to live with!

HANK
Okay

Hank tosses Mr Weeble to Antony and watches the clock

The hand on the clock ticks down to 9pm

Both Antony and Hank become fixated on the time

9pm strikes and....nothing

ANTONY
See! You are a complete moron!

HANK
No! You must tear out the pages in the future! You’re a god damn liar

Hank raises the Hammer over his head

HANK
I’m gonna kill you Mr Weebles

Hank steps forward to grab Mr Weebles but suddenly a flash of light knocks Hank and Antony across the room onto the floor
As the pair look up, they see a wormhole, a tear in space and time, open up right in front of them

Antony and Hank are dumbfounded

A man (PHILIP) steps through the vortex into the living room. He looks like a council worker, very smarly dressed in a suit

PHILIP
Hello Lord Antony Carter.
(Philip acknowledges Hank with a nod of his head but does not speak to him)
My name is Philip Lawlor and I am from the department of British Time Travel.

HANK
You’re a....a....

PHILIP
A time visitor.

HANK
Ha! Ha ha! I told you Antony! Ha ha, oh my God, I’ve invented time travel!

ANTONY
Flipping’ell. So, er...so what are you doing here Philip?

PHILIP
I am here, as you instructed my Lord. I am here to give to you the instructions for how to invent time travel. The instructions you released to the scientific community exactly five years ago.

ANTONY
Bloody ell! So it really did work then

PHILIP
Oh yes, it worked a treat my lord. In fact we discovered that the universe was produced in quite the same way. We’ve gone all over time, and space (I’ve got those instructions for you too, as you will ask for them on tomorrows page) and we discovered absolutely everything we ever wanted to know about everything. When we got back to the big bang, we found a fella called Trevor kickstarting the whole big bang.

Cut to:

A white screen. Suddenly a time portal opens and we see Trevor walking our into the white space. He looks about and as he smokes his cigarette with one hand and eats a hamburger with the other. The scene ends with his breaking wind.

TREVOR
Blimey, not much going on here.

Trevor walks back into the time portal

Cut back:

[Text: 15 billion years later]

Hank
Thats how we all got made?

Antony
How marvellous

Philip
Quite, and its all thanks to your stupendous idea.

ANTONY
What?

PHILIP
Lord Carter, you are responsible for everything, you are our creator. In the future you are even revered as a God!

ANTONY
A God!

PHILIP
THE God!

HANK
Hang on a minute, you what? Antony! A GOD!?

PHILIP
Why yes, it was his amazing insight that has created all of this! We all exists because of his brilliance

HANK
Bullshit!!!!

PHILIP
Excuse me sir?

HANK
It was my idea, it was all my idea!

PHILIP
Your idea?

HANK
Yes, my idea, all of this is down to me. Not this loser here!

PHILIP
Is this true Lord Antony?

Hank
Stop calling him lord!

PHILIP
Are his claims true?

ANTONY
Err, no. No!

[Antony has a flashback to what Hank said earlier
V.O Hank: You’re a nobody You’re a nobody You’re a nobody]

Antony
Does he look like someone who could have create the universe? Look at him!

HANK
What! Don’t you fucking dare mate, I’ll....

Hank picks up the hammer and steps towards Antony when another light erupts in the room, once again knocking everyone in the room to the ground. A second vortex opens

A small woman (MARIA SHORT) steps through the second vortex into the living room. She is dressed all in white and she is pointing a small white cube at Antony, Hank and Philip. Everybody stares up at her in wonderment. Philip quickly stands up, dusts himself off and steps forward towards the second time traveller.

PHILIP
Hello. My name is Philip Lawlor from the British Time Travel Department. Could I please see your travel documents? Your know that this is a forbidden time zone

Philip walks towards the Lady in White with a hand out, expecting to see her documents

MARIA
Here’s my time pass!

The small white cube in Maria’s hand then fires a almighty white light at Philip Lawlor and disintegrates him.

Antony and Hank are still sat on the floor and watch in shock as Philips ashes plop down in front of them.

Maria walks towards them meancingly despite her tiny size

MARIA
I am here to stop you!

HANK
Who? Me? What have I done?

MARIA
Not you, him. The creator of time travel. The destroyer of religion, the annihilator of civilization!

ANTONY
What?

MARIA
Time travel was just the start. Next you began inventing weapons, weapons you obtained from the distant future and before we knew it, you were Lord Carter, ruler of the planet Earth and conqueror of new Worlds! Billions live in misery as you and your team of time agents live in glorious splendour.

HANK
What about me?

MARIA
Who are you?

HANK
Who am I? Don’t you know me in the future?

MARIA
SHUT UP!!!!

ANTONY
Look, it wasn’t me, it was all his idea

HANK
Whoa whoa whoa, I see what your playing at mate

MARIA
Right! So your the one responsible for the misery and death of billions of lives, for the destructions of entire countries and eventually whole worlds that don’t bow at the feet of Lord Carter! You are responsible for all of that you pathetic little man

HANK
Well no, just the time travel bit was my idea

The light on Maria gun cube begins to flare up

Hank and Antony put their hands up and squeeze their eyes tight shut

They hear a zip sound. The same sound that the cube made when it incinerated Philip. However, Antony and Hank open their eyes and in front of them is another file of ashes. Marias ashes. They look behind them and see a man stepping forward. It is Antony, but it is Antony from the Future

FUTURE ANTONY
Dumb bitch. Didn’t she know what would have happened if she had killed you!

Antony and Hank get up, bewildered by yet another shock

ANTONY
Your me!

FUTURE ANTONY
Yes, I’m you, twenty years from now

HANK
Oi! Are you really King of the world

FUTURE ANTONY
King of the Worlds Hank!

HANK
Right, good for you (sarcasm) So where the hell am I in all this?

FUTURE ANTONY
I don’t know, I left you in this shit hole to go off and be rich, famous, ruler of all the universe and lover of all the most beautiful women in history

HANK
What! That should all be mine. This was all my idea!

FUTURE ANTONY
Well its all in my diary, all in my name! Whose the nobody now, aye?

Hank looks on in shock and anger, lost for words.

ANTONY
Why was she trying to kill me?

FUTURE ANTONY
Because of what you become

ANTONY
Which is what?

FUTURE ANTONY
A God! Some people resent it

ANTONY
Oh my God!

HANK
You bastard, you fucking bastard! You’ve stole the universe from me. It should all be mine.

Hank goes to strike Future Antony with the hammer but Future Antony puts a force field around him and present day Antony. Hank bashes at the force field

FUTURE ANTONY
Originally, Philip here
(He kicks Philips ashes on the floor)
Gave you the instructions to time travel, as I was too busy trying to talk Marilyn Monroe into a threesome with Cleopatra. However, one of the rebels here managed to change the past, and she killed Philip.

ANTONY
How could she do that?

FUTURE ANTONY
Ah, time shit. Every action creates a string of alternative timelines. There are multiple realities for every event. She’s obviously managed to create a new timeline somewhere in the past. Understand?

ANTONY
What?

FUTURE ANTONY
Like I said, time shit. She basically used a wormhole in time to change the past so that she could get to here. She would have gotten away with it but Philip triggered a warning beckon before he perished.

ANTONY
Yeah, but if she killed me, and stopped time travel, then she would never have been able to travel back to stop me in the first place.

FUTURE ANTONY
For God sake, don’t worry about it. Its all aborted timelines, alternative realities, string theory. It’s Back to the Future two rules. Just thank me for saving OUR life and take this.

ANTONY
What is it?

FUTURE ANTONY
The instructions to time travel. Follow the instructions. Pretty soon life if gonna get very interesting for you. Fame, money, girls and unimaginable power!

Hank, who has been hitting the force field with all of his might to this point, screams at Future Antonys last sentence and drops the hammer and runs over to the settee.

HANK
Hey, Antony, you big thieving bastard!

Both Antonys look to Hank

Hank lifts up Antonys diary, opened on the page where it says in big writing HOW TO INVENT TIME TRAVEL.

HANK
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Hank begins to tear the page

The two Antonys scream NO and dash to stop Hank from tearing up the page in the diary, but the force field is still up and it knocks them back.

Hank laughs manically and begins tearing at the page like a mad man.

Everything goes black.

THE END