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The Visitor
Posted: 20 January 2013 Word Count: 155
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The Visitor
Did you visit me dark angel did you whisper did you call do you come unbidden does my will do my choices make a difference to anything at all
I am not my body I am not my brain and though these may become no more I shall still remain for I am mind or thinking soul as some would say
I am cut I am sawn I am stitched and sewn Man’s finest art touched my heart to gather in gifted precious time I might not have known
So for another while gratefully I remain body heart and brain love of thought and thoughtful love held my trembled hand and loved me back again
Have you gone dark angel ‘til we meet again for meet again we must but thoughts of love and love of thought are not paced in time this fragment of eternity is a gift we take on trust
Comments by other Members
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James Graham at 11:42 on 22 January 2013
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Like many of your other poems, this one is distinguished by its directness and simplicity. And it’s characteristic of your work too that the simple language goes well beyond commonplaces; there are subtleties to be found.
For example, I notice that the lines on the visit, and departure, of the ‘dark angel’ are framed as questions. I like the hint of uncertainty in this. I think it’s taken a shade further by the absence of question marks: they’re questions that are almost, but not quite, statements. They imply: I’m almost sure the dark angel visited, passed by, was somewhere not far away. The dark angel has an elusive presence, which is very nuanced.
For me the best lines (by a narrow margin) are
love of thought
and thoughtful love
held my trembled hand
and loved me back again |
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‘Love of thought/ and thoughtful love’ is a very telling turn of phrase. There’s a modern - very broad - definition of ‘paradox’ as any combination of words which runs counter to our expectations. Your wordplay on ‘thought’ does just that, I think. To love thought is to value our existence as thinking creatures; ‘thoughtful love’ is about another kind of thought, commitment to someone else’s welfare. And these two subtle human attributes have combined to do the simplest thing: ‘held my trembled hand/ and loved me back again’. These are very fine lines. I notice too how the idea is picked up - with a slight variation - in the last stanza.
From the sublime to the grammatical - wouldn’t ‘trembling hand’ be more natural?
On the poem as a whole, I like what emerges in the third stanza. Reading the first two stanzas we can guess this is about a life-threatening event, and then the third stanza tells us directly that it’s heart surgery. Some poets would play a game with readers, leaving the exact nature of the event ambiguous - a ‘game’ which often makes a good poem, but is not appropriate here. In this poem I think it’s absolutely right to tell us exactly what it was all about.
This is a little delicate, but I can’t help wanting to know if you are writing about a personal experience. It’s possible it may be based on someone else’s experience. Whichever it is, it’s a very moving - and affirmative - poem.
James.
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Zettel at 19:49 on 23 January 2013
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Thanks James
Uncertainty lies at the heart of this. With no prior symptoms I ended up having a triple by-pass on Boxing Day. So yes pretty personal.
Cathartic I suppose - but makes one value family so much.
Hopefully on the mend.
regards
Z
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James Graham at 20:23 on 23 January 2013
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Yes, writing like this is cathartic; I've found that too. Very glad to hear you're on the mend. Best wishes.
James.
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Zettel at 00:38 on 24 January 2013
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PS - 'trembled'
The present tense speaks of me know - after. I look back on the experience in the past tense. Thus the trembling was stilled, overcome by the love and support of my family. It seemed to work better that way even if a bit unconventional. My son refused to leave and held my hand throughout the night before.
Thanks again.
Z
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V`yonne at 15:39 on 04 February 2013
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Oh it's so GOTHIC in its way. It appeals to the soul the death defying soul and it speaks of fear and uncertainty. It's a wonderful poem about the human condition and you have made it seem simple and personal.
I am sorry to hear of the experience that produced this work but I an=m glad to have read it.
Thank you. I hope you are recovering well.
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Dave Morehouse at 14:49 on 05 February 2013
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Agreed with others regarding your recovery. The matter-of-fact questions in the early stanza are exactly the things that fire through one's head when teetering at the edge of surgery and, possibly, even death. This treatment is straightaway and almost frightening in how it relates to most of us at some point in our lives. Wonderfully done. Dave
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