Login   Sign Up 



by llydstp 

Posted: 13 January 2004
Word Count: 17

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

withdraw from
in blackness
passion spent
I wish that
could love
each other

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Fearless at 13:19 on 13 January 2004  Report this post

Very powerful.


llydstp at 13:22 on 13 January 2004  Report this post

Thank you


Anna Reynolds at 17:31 on 13 January 2004  Report this post
Stephen, this is beautifully tragic. And so minimalist that even the above comments mirror it. Stark, raw, just enough.

The Walrus at 17:51 on 13 January 2004  Report this post
Agreed with Fearless and Anna's comments - it's amazing that in such few words you have managed to convey such a powerfully tragic desire. It also left me wondering as to why love is absent...

Well done.

The Walrus

roger at 18:41 on 13 January 2004  Report this post
Hi Steve...I can only agree wholeheartedly with Fearless, Anna and Walrus - beautifully concise, terribly tragic. But then you're bloody good at this stuff, aren't you!

Nice to see you back. Where have you been and how's the novel going? Based on our agreement, it should be well and truly finished by now. Is it?

poemsgalore at 18:42 on 13 January 2004  Report this post
I always think that less is more - so, echo everyone else and say no more.

llydstp at 13:44 on 14 January 2004  Report this post
Thank you all for being so generous. Just one point: I was rather hoping that someone would pick up on the way that 'I' 'you' and 'we' are each single words on a line. I thought this gave even more power to what I was trying to say. If anyone disagrees with this I would love to hear what they have to say.
Roger. Glad to see that you are at WriteWords. I've been 'away' because I have been working hard on 'The Novel.' Glad to say it's going well and the end is in sight.
Best wishes to you all.

llydstp at 13:51 on 14 January 2004  Report this post
Sorry, I did not mean to ignore your comment about love. I'm not sure that the words mean that love is absent, although the words certainly suggest this. It's the anti-climax after the climax if you see what I mean - even though I desperately love the person I am with. I hope this is making some sort of sense.

paul53 [for I am he] at 10:51 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
A master of the concise, and a sparkling clarity. I've read poems by the alleged famous that were 100 times longer but said a great deal less, and more obscurely.
Well done.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .