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mandarins

by plurabelle 

Posted: 20 October 2012
Word Count: 70
Summary: For the Mandarin challenge - hope I'm just in time !


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In your nine ranks of seniority, you serve, you say,

the people you don't know. Your vast
superiority is nothing but
the tongue of separation, ages
of privilege, sequestered scholarship stolen
from broken backs, dark minds, lost babies.

Your young spring from high nests, land light,
soon clothed in bright colours, swim easy, unaware
how clownly they perform. Their value less than
the pips squeaking
in a small
squishy
fruit.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 19:29 on 20 October 2012  Report this post
Great to see you, Una! You are well in time. I do like how you have included so many mandarins. I keep re-reading and finding more! I like the pattern on the page, especially the shortening final lines.

I enjoyed the alliteration: sequestered scholarship stolen, broken backs, land light.


Oh my goodness - I'm off to Google.

A good read!

joanie

V`yonne at 19:37 on 20 October 2012  Report this post
Lots going on in this and I am not sure I found it all rulers, fruits, ducks, language...
the tongue of separation,
Brilliant!

I adore the word clownly
and I loved the ending

This counts down so well it could actually be: 6 5 4 3 2 1
how clownly they perform.
Their value less than
the pips squeaking
in a small
squishy
fruit.


What an excellent response.

Nella at 20:39 on 20 October 2012  Report this post
Really lovely, Una. It reads so well; I love the sort of regal beginning; and then the poem changes pace and narrows down to that one last syllable.

Enjoyed reading this very much!

Robin

Dave Morehouse at 21:39 on 20 October 2012  Report this post
From aristocracy to fruit. Such clever wordplay throughout. It made me smile. More than that there are these touches of beauty too.
the pips squeaking
and
sequestered scholarship stolen
from broken backs,


I'm certainly glad you were able to finish this one and get it to us Una. Wonderful read. Thanks for sharing, Dave.


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