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School run

by joanie 

Posted: 04 October 2012
Word Count: 36
Summary: My response to the challenge in Flash Poetry

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here, stuck
in the essential
traffic which
serves to deliver
to the appropriate
in the scheme
of things,

I look back
into the anonymous

Driver stressed,
passenger chewing
the cud
of adolescence.

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Comments by other Members

plurabelle at 19:48 on 05 October 2012  Report this post
Thank you, Joanie, for your wryly amused take on the challenge. I looked at some of your previous work, and this seems to have your hallmark- a detached but friendly attitude. I loved the "passenger chewing
the cud
of adolescence."


Dave Morehouse at 13:18 on 06 October 2012  Report this post
Hi Joanie. the first stanza read almost like a run-onsentence for me. It helps to create the same tension our MC is experiencing. I like that. As Una observed, the last stanza is wonderful. Unique, clever, and appropriate to the poem. Nicely done. Dave

joanie at 16:16 on 06 October 2012  Report this post
Thanks very much, Una and Dave. Much appreciated. joanie

V`yonne at 12:47 on 07 October 2012  Report this post
I liked the way in which you mirror the experience in the car behind. It herds the people in a most subtle way. I think the image of the teenager
the cud
of adolescence.

is wonderful. I can see that sullen, bored expression perfect.

joanie at 17:36 on 07 October 2012  Report this post
That WAS exactly the expression, Oonah. Thenks very much!


V`yonne at 13:48 on 08 October 2012  Report this post
unmistakeable Joanie ;

Nella at 10:00 on 10 October 2012  Report this post
I also loved these lines:

passenger chewing
the cud
of adolescence

Great take on the challenge!


joanie at 20:39 on 11 October 2012  Report this post
Thanks, Nella! I can still see her......

Much appreciated.


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