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Responsibility

by plurabelle 

Posted: 29 September 2012
Word Count: 45
Summary: My first attempt in this group : for the 'Overwhelming Burden' challenge.
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Small round planet : softest pulse
across that wide
chasm called
fontanelle -
how can I - how I must -
only I...
keep you going, keep you breathing -

keep that tender pulsing going ? It's

long before
I believe
you keep yourself going.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 14:11 on 30 September 2012  Report this post
I immediately thought of the ossuary/cemetry at Naples when I saw Fontanelle and then I googled it - not great on child development. I have never been pregnant but I can see how you might feel you had to TRY to keep the infant alive and developing. An interesting treatment of the subject from a point of view I'd not thought of. Nice to see you here.
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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Nella at 09:05 on 01 October 2012  Report this post
Hello, so glad you joined in!
I really like this poem - especially the ending, which I think is very strong. It sort of hits the reader.
The overwhelming burden of responsibility for a baby. Great take on the challenge!
Robin
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FelixBenson at 10:35 on 01 October 2012  Report this post
Great metaphor - that fontanelle is so tremendously fragile, terrifyingly so. I think it's the best image of that helplessness.

only I...
keep you going, keep you breathing -


I love the way you have captured the fear, the hesitancy and the sense of breathing in the form and layout of the poem. I can feel that sense of how big the responsibility is.

Kirsty

<Added>

I say metaphor - It's not really, but in the sense that the fontanelle represents the fragility, and the fragility is what causes the burden. Maybe it's more of a synecdoche.
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tusker at 16:00 on 02 October 2012  Report this post
Great poem. Enjoyed the read and could sense the silent anxiety of emerging motherhood. Like Oonah, I checked on fontalle.

Jennifer
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joanie at 20:38 on 04 October 2012  Report this post
Just gorgeous. This is exactly my thing. I do wonder if you could stop after 'keep that tender pulsing going?' I think it would be stronger. Lovely sentiments.

joanie
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