Memory Peel
Posted: 27 March 2012
Word Count: 50
Summary: In brief I tried to express some thoughts about monumental masons (the guys who carve head stones) I imagined 'memory peel' being the bits of stone left over after inscribing words a kind of blue print of the dead person. I did not deal with it very well to be honest. However I like the idea. I hope this one is a bit easier to relate to. I may work on this one It feels incomplete and a bit vague.
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Memory peel
Bloody Isle memory Peel
Another name born not dead
Added to the inscription wheel
Cutters irony granite lust
Words in letter
soft boy bust
Sent to a shelf or a lodge
Marble plinth
A final resting place
Wall butt baby
Being just a bust
A blood stone tablet
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Comments by other Members
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 Midnight_Sun at 15:50 on 28 March 2012
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Hi Wordman,
i'm not sure of the significance of the word 'woolly' it seems out of place amidst the granite and marble. But then again it does conjure up images of hardy sheep on sloping, windswept hills with more rocks than grass.
You give it a sense of history in the line:
and I can imagine the bloody battles that have been fought between invading marauders and islanders and the blood spilled on those granite? rocks. I'm not big into geography but I guess there's lots of granite to be found in Devon 
I like your use of rhyme 'peel' and 'wheel', 'lust' and 'bust' but wonder if you took out the lines with reference to wool or woolly as they seem more of a distraction than anything. I think the poem would be much stronger without those two lines, as I feel the ending would be much stronger with the line:
Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing it,
Patricia
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 wordman at 21:43 on 29 March 2012
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Hi Midnight sun I agree about the woolly isle words but need the contrast wool/stone. I
will rewrite it & let you know. You might be right there having just glanced through.
It does read a lot better, thanks. rgrds Andre
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wordman at 21:50 on 29 March 2012
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Hi Midnight Sun have removed the woolly lines it is better, I need to pay more attention to how things read! thanks Andre
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 James Graham at 14:58 on 30 March 2012
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Hi Andre - Well, again I have to say I have partly understood this poem, but somehow can’t get beyond a certain point. It’s not so much individual lines but getting a handle on the poem as a whole that’s so elusive.
There are pointers to themes of war, probably battles, invasions or massacres in the more distant past; and variations on an idea of memorials, plinths, ‘stone tablets’ with words engraved on them - including conventional phrases such as ‘a final resting place’.
‘Memory peel’ recalls Craig Raine’s poem ‘The Onion, Memory’ evoking an image of layers of memory being peeled away, with more and more painful (personal or historical) memories coming to the surface.
This is probably a red herring, but right at the start of my first reading I thought the poem was referring to the Isle of Man. Man has been in the distant past a ‘bloody isle’; it’s also a ‘woolly isle’ in the sense of having lots of sheep; and there’s a town called Peel, which you’ve written with a capital letter. But as I say this is probably a misunderstanding.
I want to ask you about some details.
What do you mean by an ‘inscription wheel’? Maybe it’s something that exists but I don’t know about.
What do you mean by ‘soft boy bust’ - a carved stone bust of a person once alive and therefore ‘soft’, but now dead?
‘Cutters irony granite’ I can understand, that is I can see a thread linking these words - but why ‘lust’ on the end of that line?
What do you mean by ‘Wall butt baby’?
If you could throw some light on these lines it would help towards a better understanding of the poem. It seems to be a poem about how the dead, especially those who die young in conflict, are remembered (or not), but as yet I’m unsure exactly what the poem is saying about this.
James.
<Added>
Looking at your revision it strikes me there isn't much about war at all, and I may have been reading something into it that wasn't there. Only 'Bloody isle' points to past conflict, suggesting an island somewhere which has been fought over. Almost any of the British Isles, from Jersey to Shetland! Otherwise the theme seems to be focused on memorials.
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 Dave Morehouse at 15:46 on 02 April 2012
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Andre - I like the idea of gravestones standing as islands in a green cemetary sea. Each island stands as a memory for someone. The cold unfeeling hand of the mason lies in stark contrast to the grieving families yet shares the cold removal of the dead. I like this poem and its images until I get to the last stanza. It is there that I look to see a finale, especially in a poem that deals with death. Perhaps my mushy brain can't figure it out or perhaps your thoughts don't come across as you intend. No matter, the last stanza is evasive, at least to me it is. Perhaps you can chime in more on this?
In any case I think that your style, from what I have seen, is to be elusive and let the reader figure out what it means to them. It isn't necessary for everyone to understand similarly. Your poems seem to be more of a living organism that changes and evolves with each reading. In a way I like that. Dave
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TessaF at 22:26 on 03 April 2012
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Hi Andre - this is an interesting concept - when the stonemason has carved the memorial he is left with dust; when we die we are but 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust'. I like that.
I wondered if 'inscription wheel' might be to do with the cyclical nature of death as you refer to 'another name born...' on the memorial. Just a thought.
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wordman at 21:56 on 07 April 2012
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Hi all who commented on Memory Peel.. I promise to read your poems & comment this weekend.
Hi James I am not familiar with the onion memory poem but it sounds interesting. I will read it. In my 'poem' 'Peel'is connected to the bits left behind after a stone mason has chipped away at a piece of stone. The bits holding information about the dead person. So in away there are different realities. Rather like the stone mason trying to find 'truths' by chipping away. Only the 'bits' contain the 'truths' Interesting to note the town on the Isle of Man called Peel but definitely no reference on my part. Inscription wheel was stone cutters wheel/grinding wheel or symphony wheel. I prefer inscription wheel as it implies a revolving inscription 'tread mill' type idea. Soft boy bust is soft soldier boys no disrespect to young lads fighting. Granite lust really refers to stone mason frenzy. Wall butt as in something butting up against a wall. Could be rifle butt. 'Wall butt a baby being just a bust' (a busted child) were the original words. When I originally wrote this it was a page long! I hope this helps. Thanks for your interesting comments. Andre
Hi Dave I like your comment about my words/style being elusive and a living organism that changes & evolves with each reading.. I listen to a lot of lyrics on the radio 8 hours a night to be precise and not many of them make a lot of sense! Some plays are hard to understand as well. I like the ambiguity etc it gives the listener more room for thought. This applies to writing too. I am a trained fine artist and like flirting with the interplay between reality & fantasy etc. My painting style is normally an abstract expressionist style with vague imagery. All my poems are different. I prefer it when people interpret things how they want. Its freedom of expression. Thanks Andre
Hi Tessa thanks for your interesting observations inscription wheel could have that cyclical connection. It would certainly fit. More like the treadmill wheel of death coming round with more names on. 'Another name born not dead' could be the memory of someone via an inscription. So someone dies but there is a name on a stone as a lasting tribute like a new identity Would it not be magical if the bits of stone left behind after carving turned back into the person? Even if it is in someones imagination. In the original poem at the end I wrote 'Make me breath make me real bloody isle memory peel'.If it were only possible to bring people back. Hope this helps. Andre
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wordman at 22:10 on 07 April 2012
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Ps one day poets will be writing about digital 'time line' memory peel. From the moment we are born we are tracked and instead of a stone plaque we have a computer generated 'window' on our lives as a lasting tribute. We are but an essence that will become part of the essence of the universe.
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wordman at 20:46 on 08 April 2012
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Hi James thank you for your comments & your Craig Raine link. I hope my writing helps people free up their thoughts which I hope will encourage freedom of expression. I want my writing to be original not just nudity with clothes on.. I will load up a new poem soon. Andre
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wordman at 21:00 on 08 April 2012
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James interesting connection between my last comment 'not just nudity with clothes on' & the last lines of the onion, memory poem 'And afterwards, I blunder with the washing on the line
headless torsos, faceless lovers, friends of mine'. Strange that I have never read this poem before now. Andre
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SarahT at 10:47 on 11 April 2012
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Hi Andre,
I've read this a couple of times now but, to be honest, I find the style unhelpful so I think my comments will be a flipside to those you have had already. As James said, it is important to recognise the way you want your poems to be read and, I guess, part of that is understanding all of the ways in which readers might receive them.
For me, there was not enough in this poem for it to take hold in my mind. I love chewy poetry and prose but I prefer to have a clear idea of what I want to attach my thoughts to and I felt this was missing from my experience of your poem.
For example, you've explained granite lust but what are you trying to say about the masons and their frenzy? I'm left with no answers because you move on to 'words in letter' and 'soft boy bust'. I was really interested in the explanations that you gave about the thoughts behind the poem. You clearly have an original take on the subject matter but I was disappointed that, for me, this was not reflected in the poem itself.
Personally, I would be interested in a little more clarity. Perhaps there are some clues in the lines that you took out of the poem? But my comments are only my view and if others draw more from your poem then feel free to disregard my lone voice.
S
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James Graham at 12:14 on 12 April 2012
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Andre, having just read Sarah's comment I have to say I feel much the same about this poem and your previous one:
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Following your explanations I felt there was just about (in Sarah's phrase) 'enough in this poem for it to take hold in my mind'. I've always believed that some poetry is valid even if it needs notes and commentary to help us understand it; I'm always referring to the work of Paul Celan, which needs notes on the poet's references and allusions, and even a knowledge of the poet's life, for readers to get the full picture. Even so, having said that, I feel that in your poems so far you're giving the reader too much to do; you take the risk that some readers at least will simply give up.
I agree with Sarah too that you have an original take on the subject matter of your poems. Your thoughts around the subject of monumental masons seem highly original. It's also good to present a poem in such a way that readers can be free to form their own understandings of it. But there could be more clarity in your work, more explicit clues to help readers enter into the poem and move around in it.
When you post a new poem, if you agree I will take this up again. (And if it's in a similar style). We can discuss how the poem could be opened up to readers without affecting its originality, or the reader-freedom you aim for.
James.
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 V`yonne at 10:51 on 28 April 2012
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I liked some of the imagery, in particular the last line, but I couldn't grasp why, in the second line, this wasn't the other way round which would have made more sense:
to dead not born
And for me the end rhyme detracted from the gravitas of the subject.
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