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A Very Secret Life

by Laurence 

Posted: 28 September 2011
Word Count: 469
Summary: Week 375 Challenge


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George stood surveying the lawn wondering where to start. The leaves had come down in last night’s winds and he wanted to clear them before the next downfall. He smiled to himself; he loved this time of the year. He had shared a long and happy life with Rose; they had both enjoyed watching the leaves turn colour. He had planted a wide variety of trees in his garden; he missed their special garden, for the past few years he had become content with a small plot bordered by huge sycamore trees sheltering the house from the traffic beyond.

As Rose began to fade in her last few weeks, he remembered with fondness all the friends who had helped him through that time including Jennifer.

‘How come we have never met Jennifer before?’ said Emma his eldest daughter.

‘Not sure,’ said George, ‘ perhaps she's a friend of your mother’s?’

‘You know she isn’t.’

‘Ah well,’ he said supping his mug of tea.

Jennifer did not come to the funeral. She wasn’t really family.

A figure moved across the lawn towards him. He stopped raking the leaves; his face lit up.

'Jennifer, what a lovely suprise,' he said, smiling.

‘I was watching you from the window; you were lost in thought.’

‘I was just remembering other autumns.’

‘Well I’m so glad I have you all to myself now. It couldn’t have been easy living a lie most of your life.’

‘I’m sorry dear. I never meant to hurt you,’ he said taking the tea and sitting down on the bench.

Jennifer put the tray down on the low wall and sat next to him. Their hands linked. ‘You never stopped loving me did you?’

George shook his head, ‘No I didn’t; trouble is I loved you both. I couldn’t give one up for the other.’

‘I understand,’ she said patting his hand.

‘Do you think Emma will visit us?’

‘Too early to tell. She knew there was something going on. She had a hunch that I was having a relationship but could never prove it and I wasn’t prepared to clarify matters for her. I wanted to leave Rose but I couldn’t; besides we had children.’

‘You don’t have to explain to me,’ she smiled and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Shall I take your book in? You must have left it outside before lunch.’ She placed the well thumbed paperback of ‘Sons and Lovers’ on her tray. ‘Can’t really get into Lawrence myself.’

‘I don’t deserve you.’

‘Don’t be daft.’

Jennifer collected up the mugs and wandered back to the house; she turned and smiled as she reached the door. George felt his phone vibrate. He checked the caller. He would send a text to her later.

’I think I’m getting too old for this game,’ he thought.






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Comments by other Members



dharker at 21:41 on 28 September 2011  Report this post
Another lovely tale Laurence... showing how we "less than young" can have complicated lives too.

Should Rose read Jennifer in this?
I wanted to leave her Rose but I couldn’t; besides we had children.’


Dave

Laurence at 22:04 on 28 September 2011  Report this post
Thanks for the comments Dave. I was drafting a re-drafting and left Rose in by mistake. Thanks.

Laurence

<Added>

Sorry too many 'hers' need to clarify it was Rose he wanted to leave and not Emma.

V`yonne at 15:55 on 29 September 2011  Report this post
He's a right one that George!

‘Not sure,’ exclaimed George, ‘Is she a friend of your mother’s?’

exclaimed isn't the right verb here. Maybe simpler
‘Not sure,’ said George, ‘Perhaps she's a friend of your mother’s?’


I'd lose this part of this sentence:
how pleasant this time of year was and what it means to me.
I think it's got the makings - it just needs a trim here and there.

Laurence at 19:20 on 29 September 2011  Report this post
Many thanks Oonah for your comments. I have taken on board your suggestions.

Laurence

Gerry at 19:39 on 29 September 2011  Report this post

Nicely done, Laurence.

Bunbry at 16:56 on 30 September 2011  Report this post
Ha ha, what a cad! Nicely done - a good tale well told and a great twist. My only suggestion would be to change this
Hello dear,’ he smiled.
to something like
"Jennifer, what a lovely suprise," he said, smiling.
so we know straight away who the woman is.

Hope this helps

Nick

Laurence at 19:37 on 30 September 2011  Report this post
Thanks for the comments Nick. I like the suggestion,I agree it does help the piece.

Laurence

crowspark at 16:36 on 02 October 2011  Report this post
Hi Laurence

A good tale with a strong ending. If you have any problems getting it published I would suggest you blend the scene setting and back story in the opening paragraph a little more. Something along the lines of

George stood surveying the lawn. Leaves had come down in last night’s winds and he wanted to clear them before his visitor arrived. He and Rose had loved this time of the year ect




Great twist.

Thanks for the read. Good luck with this.
Bill

LMJT at 17:27 on 02 October 2011  Report this post
Hi Laurence,

Loved the last line of this piece! Really didn't see that coming.

A couple of things I'd suggest for an edit:

George stood surveying the lawn wondering where to start

We don't really need 'stood' here. It reads a little clumsily. Maybe: 'Standing in the kitchen, George surveyed...'

‘Well I’m so glad I have you all to myself now. It couldn’t have been easy living a lie most of your life.’

This sounds too trivial for the situation. As if she's not connected with it. Do you see what I mean?

‘Too early to tell. She knew there was something going on. She had a hunch that I was having a relationship but could never prove it and I wasn’t prepared to clarify matters for her. I wanted to leave Rose but I couldn’t; besides we had children.’

This is a little too 'telling' and I don't think we really need to know. It doesn't add, for me, to the story.

Thanks for the read, Laurence.

Liam


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