Mr White by Bobo - WriteWords.org.uk

WriteWords

Mr White

by Bobo

Posted: 19 December 2003
Word Count: 62

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Caucasian lover -
Pure,
sublime.
Failsafe
confidante.

Dance with me
the tango.
Twist,
turn,
seduce.
Elevate my spirit
til I fly overhead.

Laughter explodes in the air -
whose? mine?
or the echo of you
lodged deep in my heart?

Your departure leaves me
empty.
Cold without your cloak.
I need you -
do not exist
except when with you
inside me.

Favourite this work

Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Fearless at 17:59 on 19 December 2003 Report this post

BoBo

I like the coffee-smooth atmosphere this invokes (in me, at any rate). Reminds me a little of the French poet Paul Eluard. One thing.....if the lover is a chap, then 'confidante' should be 'confidant'. Should the penultimate line read 'except when you're'? Maybe I misunderstood.

Fearless

Like (0) Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

Bobo at 18:47 on 19 December 2003 Report this post

Fearless - Glad you like the atmo it invokes..Er, no, it's not actually about a 'chap' - it's about my once 'beautiful' relationship with cocaine. The last line is intended, but I'll have another look at it to see if it works better re-worded.

BoBo x

Like (0) Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

Sparrow_splitter at 01:48 on 20 December 2003 Report this post

This started off nice and I thought I was safe, then it repelled me like a piece off carrot lodged in a pile of puke.
I kind of thought it had a high and low sort of vibe to it but mentioning the coke thing makes a whole lot of sense.
I liked this very much, but you should stay off the class A's. Injecting vodka into your eye is cheaper and much more fun.

Like (0) Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

Bobo at 13:39 on 20 December 2003 Report this post

Sparrow - rest assured, it's a thing of the past - glad the high/low came across to you. I was trying to convey a full/empty - alive/dead juxtaposition which is what coke did to me. Can't say the injecting vodka suggestion appeals terribly - think I'll stick with the more conventional!

BoBo x

Like (0) Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .

Other work by Bobo:

...view all work by Bobo