Sea Glass by Zettel - WriteWords.org.uk

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Sea Glass

by Zettel

Posted: 19 September 2011
Word Count: 100
Summary: Sorting through some poems I was surprised to see I had never posted this one. I've always quite liked it

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SEA GLASS

A scrap of glass
wave rolled salt etched
opaqued by time
ground down by
the gravity of life

Plain unpretty treasure
beer drunk brown
unbanked green
or common white
clarity lost
in priceless time

Yet you are precious
treasured
a child’s memories hidden
in a secret life locked drawer
with other
cherished things

From within this
smooth edged shard
come timeless shrieks
of care less skipping days
hiding in some heart thumped
secret place
longing to be caught

And searching
on the shore
with passionate intent
to win the greatest prize
mummy daddy
look what I have found

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Comments by other Members

clyroroberts at 11:55 on 20 September 2011 Report this post

This is a very evocative piece and on first reading the penultimate stanza really stands out. So well in fact that if it was me, I'd finish the poem with it. I really like the idea of the child's experiences residing within the glass, an idea that perhaps only a poem could express this well

From within this
smooth edged shard
come timeless shrieks
of care less skipping days
hiding in some heart thumped
secret place
longing to be caught

I really enjoyed it

James R

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Zettel at 13:10 on 21 September 2011 Report this post

Thanks James - glad you liked it.

The last stanza sort of rounds th epoem off for me but I take your point that the poem could easily end on the one before.

best

Z

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James Graham at 11:39 on 26 September 2011 Report this post

I like the immediacy of the last stanza, and don’t agree it should be cut. What I would suggest instead is that the more abstract lines should be cut:

ground down by
the gravity of life

clarity lost
in priceless time

and possibly

with other
cherished things

I’m not sure what some of these lines add to the poem. Leaving them out would focus on the object, the really interesting significance of which comes out in the closing lines.

A scrap of glass
wave rolled salt etched
opaqued by time

Unpretty treasure
beer drunk brown
unbanked green
or common white

Yet you are precious
treasured
a child’s memories hidden
in a secret drawer

(Note ‘Plain’ omitted - much the same as ‘unpretty’. Also ‘life locked’ which is rather abstract too.) The rest would stand as it is, and for me the closing lines would then come into their own.

James.

Read the WriteWords interview with James Graham

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Zettel at 09:07 on 27 September 2011 Report this post

Thanks James

Thinking

best

Z/K

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V`yonne at 15:33 on 16 October 2011 Report this post

I'd almost be inclined to place the last two line first

mummy daddy
look what I have found

I think the immediacy of the child's excitement is so infectious it's a treasure in itself and maybe that's a though to run with here.

I also like these ideas.

From within this
smooth edged shard
come timeless shrieks
of careless skipping days
hiding in some heart thumped
secret place
longing to be caught

Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)

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