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At The Happy Carrot

by Gerry 

Posted: 09 August 2011
Word Count: 589
Summary: For Oonah's 368 challenge - a sequel to Meet the Farquhars
Related Works: Meet the Farquhars • 

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Dave poked at his cauliflower cheese – the nearest thing they did to real food at this place. Four of them at the table: him and Hermione, and the outlaws. Hermione’s idea. Their second kid on the way and her with one of her cravings: nut rissoles this time. Nut arseholes, he’d said. Hermione told him to behave. Behave. How could he? Anyone could put up with Daddy here for the evening – Kenneth was all right, one of the old school - but three hours in some pulse pavilion with Hilda, the Queen of the bloody Night? No way. What he could do with now was egg and chips, followed by a van Helsing stake special and a mallet with a non-slip grip.

‘So, David,’ said Hilda, glowering over her lentil bake, ‘how is the building trade?’

‘Pretty good,’ he said, checking he’d not got sauce down his tie.

‘Pretty good?’ said Hilda, her turkey neck quivering, indignant. There was a recession on; he wasn't supposed to be doing ‘pretty good’. He should be standing in line, cap in hand; or selling apples from a cart in the road.

‘I been careful,’ he said. ‘I’ve not cut corners, though. Still offering a quality service.’

But that was it. He was service, see, trade. The back entrance. An oik from the smoke whose dad really had sold apples in the road. Dad’d been a costermonger up Berwick Street, and proud of his barrow.

‘Well,’ said Kenneth, ‘I think you are to be commended. You work jolly hard.’

Hermione said nothing. She wasn’t looking so comfy. Either junior was getting restless in there or it’d been a rissole too far.

Hilda sighed now. ‘This food ...’

‘Don’t you like it, Mummy?’ said Hermione.

‘Well, it’s not ...’

Dave knew what was coming. It wasn’t that it was vegetarian, oh no. It’d be something along the lines of veggie nosh being so frightfully middle class. And, of course, we (and by we she meant herself, hubby and Hermione) were upper middle class. He braced himself. A full-on barney was brewing. Sod it. He was ready.

But Kenneth was looking towards the entrance, surprised. ‘Goodness me,’ he said. ‘That looks like Sir John Collins coming in.’

Hilda, eyes popping, said, ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, and Lady Cynthia. And, do you know, it looks like they’re coming over.’

Hilda adjusted her pearls and hissed, ‘You know him from the golf club, don’t you?’

‘Hardly, Hilda.’

They were sweeping toward the table: Sir John in an old corduroy jacket, Lady Cynthia a pinstripe trouser suit.

‘Why, hello there,’ said Sir John, smiling.

Hilda half turned her head, looking like she was about to get up and bob a curtsy.

‘Hello, Dave,’ said Lady Cynthia.

Hilda froze.

Sir John said, ‘Just passing, Dave. Saw you through the window. Cynthia and I were only saying this morning what a bloody marvellous job you’d done on the conservatory. First rate.’

‘Rather,’ said Lady Cynthia, nodding.

‘So, if you’ve nothing on, we wondered if you might like to come up to our place in the glens come the Glorious 12th. Do you shoot?’

‘Not really,’ said Dave. ‘But I’d loved to have a go.’ He gave Hilda a wink as she glared over the table.

‘Good stuff,’ said Sir John. ‘It’s bloody hard to get a man to do a proper job these days. Now, let me get you all a drink.’

‘I’d better have a Famous Grouse,’ said Dave, watching Hilda force a smile with her dentures.












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Comments by other Members



dharker at 07:37 on 10 August 2011  Report this post
This is developing into a wonderful series Gerry! I LOVE the humour in this and could feel the satisfaction in Dave's wink. Brilliant!

Dave

Minor nit...
‘Hello, Dave,’ said Lady Cythia.

Missing CyNthia's 'n'

Desormais at 08:11 on 10 August 2011  Report this post
You draw these characters so very well Gerry, I feel like I'm almost there. Loved the line 'a rissole too far'. It's got a wonderfully earthy feel to it. Looking forward to more of Dave and the in-laws.

Sandra

tusker at 09:07 on 10 August 2011  Report this post
I really enjoyed this Gerry.

Great scene. Loved his thoughts on mother-in-law. What a good ending. Made me laugh.

Look forward to the next installment.

Jennifer

Bunbry at 12:39 on 10 August 2011  Report this post
Hi Gerry some cracking lines here; loved the ref to Van Helsing. You do dialogue well too, with some nice observations.

Less sure about the final line and ‘roaring with laughter,’ at what is really, a very weak joke. I think you overplayed your hand with ‘Gaping like a trout’ too. I’d try for something subtler.

Last point - I think you slipped into Hilda’s POV when she thought ‘the cheek of it’.

Hope this helps

Nick


Gerry at 14:26 on 10 August 2011  Report this post

Thank you Dave, Sandra, Jennifer and Nick. I'll have a look at that ending, Nick, and see if I can come up with something a bit more subtle. I wasn't at all sure about it when I did it, so it deserves a rethink.

Thanks again.

Gerry.

fiona_j at 18:13 on 10 August 2011  Report this post
Hello,

Loving the sequel, very amusing.

I agree that the final line seems a little too much, but the set-up is very well done.

Fi

Gerry at 08:49 on 14 August 2011  Report this post

Thanks very much, Bill. Very kind. I'll try that link - though I was thinking of sending it to The Pygmy Giant as they published the first installment. I'll have a think.

Thanks again.

Gerry.

crowspark at 09:03 on 14 August 2011  Report this post
In that case I would stick with The Pygmy Giant!

Gerry at 09:04 on 14 August 2011  Report this post

That does make sense, I s'pose.

Cheers.


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