‘Excuse me, Madam. I see you chose our ‘Nutrinet’ trolley this morning. Could you spare a few minutes to complete a performance survey?’

The chirpy voice of the young woman with a clipboard was almost drowned out by random beeps from the checkout tills and the rattle of metal baskets.

Enid was heading for the Customer Services desk, but it would be much quicker to talk to the young woman - Kim, according to her name badge.

‘Yes, of course.’

‘It’s just a few questions.’ Kim smiled and flipped pages on her clip-board. Enid decided to humour her – it would still be quicker than the service desk.

‘Now then, could I ask where you collected your trolley? Was it: a) in the car park b) near the lifts or c) in the store itself?’

‘Inside’, Enid replied. It had taken so long to find a trolley that she hadn’t bothered to read the instruction chart on the wall. Besides, a trolley was a trolley. How complicated could it be?

‘And what attracted you to this particular model? Was it a) size b) accessories, such as child seat or shopping list support (please specify) or c) appearance’

‘Appearance’, said Enid. She’d liked the little line of sparkly loops around the top, like a tiny fence round a flower bed, and the small keypad with a swipe groove and speaker. That must be for shoppers to key in their car numbers and then swipe their loyalty cards. Parking space was limited, so people shouldn't leave their cars too long. If loud reminders embarrassed them, it was just too bad.

It was when she started shopping that the trouble began.

As her husband Jack had been so good about her hosting her grandson's birthday party, Enid decided to treat him to a packet of his favourite chocolate chip cookies.

But when she tried to put the packet in the trolley there was a loud beep and a section in the bottom of the trolley flipped up. If a little net hadn’t shot out from the handle, the packet would have landed on the floor. As soon as she removed the biscuits the net disappeared.

‘On a scale of one to five, in which one would be the lowest score, how would you rate the performance of the sensor device?’

‘You mean the flipper? Well, five, if you mean how good it was at knowing what it didn’t want, but less than one if you mean was I happy at the way it flung the goods into the net.’

‘I’ll put that down as a three. ’

Enid opened her mouth but no words came out.

‘Now, how would you rate the wheel performance? Were they: a) smooth and manageable b) inclined to pull to one side or c) difficult to manage?

‘They were fine. But …’

‘I’ll put that down as ) smooth and manageable. If you could just bear with me – only a few more questions and then on to general comments’

It wasn’t just the chocolate chip cookies, either. She’d tried chocolate digestives, caramel wafers and custard creams, all with the same result. A loud beep came from the speaker, the item flipped out and so did the net. So she’d given up and moved to the drinks section.

‘Now then,’ the assistant continued, ‘Trolley capacity. Was it a) sufficient for your needs; b) not big enough or c) too generously proportioned?

‘Excuse me, dear, but have you looked into my trolley?’

‘Oh, it’s nearly empty; just apples and celery, skimmed milk and porridge oats; very healthy. Now, if you wouldn’t mind answering two more questions, we can deal with issues arising.’

It had been the same story throughout the store: every time she tried for something a little bit special, she couldn’t have it. People started staring, as she tried for whisky, then sherry and finally a bottle of wine; all were rejected. She evan failed with a six-pack of Guinness, although the trolley struggled to hold it in the net. Jack wouldn’t think it a treat to be offered crisp breads washed down with sparkling water!

‘Now, how easy did you find it to programme your trolley? Was it a) straightforward b) not very easy or c) difficult ‘

‘Programme? Do you mean key in my car number?’

‘Madam, the keypad was for dietary restrictions, as indicated on the chart. Could I ask you what you did key in?

Enid told her the car number: NFA 3SG

‘Oh, dear, I can see the problem. You asked the trolley to eliminate items with fat or alcohol content over 3 % and anything with sugar or gluten.’

‘So that’s the reason? I put in my car number and the trolley thought it was a code?’

‘ That and the card-swipe link with the national database and previous purchases. You’ve exceeded the RWA – recommended weekly allowance.’

‘But it’s only Tuesday! I agree I may need to lose a few pounds, but what’s that to do with a database?

Kim pursed her lips and frowned at Enid.

‘It’s the burden on the NHS, Madam. All the measures so far, like the ‘five-a-day’ scheme, ‘traffic-light’ food labels and Jamie Oliver’s efforts, have failed. As a leading UK retailer we’ve been appointed Private Sector Provider. Trolleys are the first line of defence, for a trial period.’

Enid tightened her grip on the handle.

‘But what about when my son and his family come for the football on TV? I can’t give them fruit juice instead of lager, or low fat crisps when they’re expecting sausage rolls.’

Kim paused, looked round and leaned forward, dropping her voice to a reassuring whisper.

‘Don’t worry; our manager’s modified the controls ; he was worried about the effect on sales. See this little button in the end of the handle? It’s a combined over-ride and reset button. Just press it whenever you like.’

‘You mean it’ll stop things being lobbed into the net?’

‘Absolutely.’ Kim straightened up. ‘Now, is there anything else I can help you with, Madam?’

‘Thank you, no. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get some things for my husband’s tea.’

With her finger firmly on the over-ride button, Enid headed towards the back of the store, enticed by the aroma of fresh-baked doughnuts that drifted down the aisle.