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Park Life

by Gerry 

Posted: 28 April 2011
Word Count: 101
Summary: For Jennifer's challenge

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Park Life

‘Lovely day, love,’ he said, taking her hand, getting closer on their bench. ‘Sixty-five years, eh? Cor.’
‘Yes, Jack. Who’d have thought? Us together all that time.’
‘Yes.’ He gazed at the ducks quacking away ... the kiddies at the ice-cream van, youngsters on their skateboards ... a courting couple under the old yew ...
‘Oh, Annie ...’ he said.
‘Who the bloody hell was Jack?’
Enid sighed, squeezed his hand some more, staring at the pond. ‘I wish I knew, Joe,’ she said.
He watched the ducks again for a bit. ‘Bill,’ he said, under his breath.

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Comments by other Members

V`yonne at 16:31 on 28 April 2011  Report this post
LOL That says it all! LOL

Gerry at 16:56 on 28 April 2011  Report this post

Thanks, Oonah!

Bunbry at 18:02 on 28 April 2011  Report this post
Hi Gerry, I might be reading this wrongly but this line

The ducks quacking away, kiddies at the ice-cream van by the gates, youngsters on their skateboards, a courting couple over there by the fountain ...

seems to be from a third person's POV (because of the 'over there' bit).

Also it is in the present tense while the rest is is the past tense.

I'm not sure if this how you meant it to read.


dharker at 18:33 on 28 April 2011  Report this post
LOL! Almost brain melted until I realised she was getting his name wrong time and time again Gerry! Excellent! Question: was the line about the ducks him commenting on the scenery around them? then going on to ask who she was referring to as Jack?

Made me laugh when he then called Enid Annie...


Gerry at 18:48 on 28 April 2011  Report this post

Sorry, Nick. It's from Bill's PoV - I'll make it clearer.

Gerry at 19:15 on 28 April 2011  Report this post

Yes, Dave - he looks around at the park before he decides to say it - it doesn't occur to him right away, of course. He looks at progressively older people having fun (not that the ducks aren't having a lark) before getting back to himself; and the sight of the courting couple makes him think about relationships - that was the idea anyway, but it wasn't so important if it didn't quite come off. Then it's only his looking at the ducks that makes him say 'Bill' - terrible joke ...

I only really got the idea when I got her name wrong myself; then I imagined these two oldies who'd both played the field to such an extent that it'd all got to be a bit of a blur, but still getting along pretty well; in fact, still quite happy, if befuddled ...

In an original version, the courting couple at the fountain were supposed to spark a memory of VE Day-infidelity for them, then I got her name wrong, Danny, and it all ... well, you know ...

Glad it got a giggle.


The fountain has become trees now. Things change.

Cornelia at 22:33 on 28 April 2011  Report this post
Sad and funny all at the same time -well done


fiona_j at 23:02 on 28 April 2011  Report this post

This was very funny. I wasn't sure if they just couldn't remember names very well anymore, or whether they were referring to each other with the names of past lovers.

I didn't get the hint with the ducks but once you pointed it out I had a little giggle about it.


Forbes at 02:27 on 29 April 2011  Report this post
I liked this muchly.

See the point about the POV (ish) - perhaps just take 'there' out and it generalises it more.

Two senior moments entwined.



Gerry at 06:37 on 29 April 2011  Report this post

Thanks to everyone for their comments. Glad it's going down well.


Gerry at 06:49 on 29 April 2011  Report this post

Fi - At some point I wanted the reader to feel as bewildered as the characters - so your response (and Dave's) was very nice.

Desormais at 06:56 on 29 April 2011  Report this post
Good one, Gerry. Didn't get it at first, but a third reading clinched it.

Manusha at 11:38 on 29 April 2011  Report this post
Loved it, Gerry,

Gave me a good laugh, and the more times I read it the funnier it got! Nice one. More please!


Gerry at 13:02 on 29 April 2011  Report this post

Thank you, Sandra.

Gerry at 13:03 on 29 April 2011  Report this post

And thank you Andy.

tusker at 06:58 on 01 May 2011  Report this post
Yes, this is funny. I enjoyed the read, Gerry.

I reckon those names were past lovers.


Gerry at 07:05 on 01 May 2011  Report this post

Thanks, Jennifer. Yes, that was the idea.

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