“… Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me,
While I’m alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me…”

If I wake up and it’s not… I can calm down, this is my bed and that is my cat.
The way she looks at me is as if I‘m some sort of idiot. She‘s not wrong. Bibi lowers her head and ignores me again while I pick up my glasses from the bedside cupboard and attempt to see what time it is.
I think Specsavers has a lot to answer for. I can‘t see a bloody thing. Oh hang on, it’s a quarter to seven. Time I should be up and about anyway.
I was going to give Bibi a fuss, but her baring her teeth like that didn’t look all that friendly.
Shower, dressed and out the door. Breakfast isn’t something I ever have, yeah I know I should, but it‘s a habit I don’t want to break. In any case, I can make up for it at lunch.

It’s not long before my phone starts beeping. The screen on the dash displays Jessica and seeing her name makes me skip a beat.
I slow the car and pull in. I don’t want to be driving while I talk to her, even though I can, but there’s trouble coming and I don’t want to do anything stupid.
‘Mike…’ Her voice doesn’t sound right. it’s like she’s been running. ’…please, I need to see you.’
I can’t. Not really. ’Can it wait?’
‘No. I need to see you now!’
I really don’t want to see her, but a part of me does, but if I do, I know I can’t leave her alone.
‘Jess, I can’t not now.’
‘Oh, I see.’
What does she -
‘I’m sorry. I can’t.’
‘It’s important, please Mike!’ Jessica sounds more than just impatient. There’s something else.
‘Jess, what’s happened?’
I’m hoping that she hasn’t said anything. I’m not sure I can handle her husband and what makes this worse is that he’s my younger brother.
‘I told Kevin. There was…’
I closed my eyes, pretending I hadn’t heard what she just said. We agreed that we’d keep this quiet. We said! Christ…
‘What happened Jess?’ I just shouted at her and that was wrong.
I thought that the line had gone dead. It suddenly became very quiet.
‘I killed him. Please, I need…’
I was convinced I’d heard her wrong and almost asked her to say it again. She started crying and my mouth just slammed shut.
I don’t remember pulling away from the kerb, but I heard the sound of her voice clearly enough. I told her to stay where she was and I’d get there as fast as I could.
By the time I did get there, there was a police car and an ambulance outside. I parked and took a long deep breath in and almost coughed it straight out again.
I flashed the officer at the gate my ID, he simply nodded as I walked into the house.
Suddenly I felt very cold…

The shape on the settee was her. Initially I saw something under a red blanket, flanked by the two paramedics. It was when Jessica looked up at me that I saw what he’d done. The blanket slipped down her shoulders and I wanted to forget that I was a cop, forget everything else and just hold her, to somehow tell her that this would be okay and I could make everything go away.
A uniformed officer was at the door. I didn’t know what to say. To him, to her or anyone else.
It was simply that I wanted to get her out of here, but I couldn’t.
‘Sir, the body’s upstairs.’
I could’ve done with a drink. I nodded and followed him.
Kevin was on the bathroom floor.
Apart from him lying there, it all looked so neat.
I knelt down and looked at his hands. I didn’t touch him.

I wanted to rewind all this, to make this not happen and take Jessica away from him so that he could never lay a hand on her.
Perhaps, in that rewind, it would be me that kills him and I know damned well I wouldn’t feel an ounce of remorse…

“… Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you,
But in your dreams whatever they be,
Dream a little dream of me…”