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Angels

by Katy Kat 

Posted: 18 March 2011
Word Count: 54
Summary: My entry for the Sight Challenge
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What do you see
Little One
through newborn eyes
blue as sparkling seas
and brilliant
as stars?

If you could speak
that which
your Angel whispers..
What wisdoms would you tell?
What secrets
do you keep?

Your wondrous smile
is not for me
but for the Angel
that you see
through precious
newborn eyes






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 13:02 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
I like this, especially that last stanza which almost stands alone.
I'm not sure you need stanza two at all - it doesn't bring much that's new to the poem. In the first you use
blue as sparkling seas
and brilliant
as stars?


Those similes are a bit tired. Try to think up fresher similes to replace them.
Blue as a blue that ...

But you could get away with just one of them if you change the other - startle us.

Nice work.
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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Desormais at 16:28 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
This is a lovely poem Katy. I've often thought that there is a 'knowing' in the eyes of young babies. Well done.
Sandra
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Nella at 18:34 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
Very nice. I like the feel of it.
Robin
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Katy Kat at 19:31 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
Thank you Sandra and Robin. I have always felt sure that Newborns come into this world 'knowing' the secrets of the Universe but by the time they can speak they have forgotten.
There's such wisdom behind those baby eyes.

best wishes
kate
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Katy Kat at 19:36 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
Thank you Oonah for reading and your comments. I will have to have another think about it. I can't think what to use instead ...

Best wishes
Kate
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tusker at 20:35 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
They say we're all born with an angel to look over us.

Lovely poem, Kate.

Jennifer
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V`yonne at 21:58 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
It takes a new approach to think up similes but try this approach:
.............looks like smells like...sounds like...tastes like..........feels like
a kite......a triangle...the wind......laughter......toblerone............freedom
computer....a light box..warm wires..the sough of water.alcohol............connections
purple.....silkiness.....hot perfume...deep harmony..african violet sauce....sex in the

desert

Now try it for blue. do one a day to sharpen you mind on can be objects places anything and keep a book of them.
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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FelixBenson at 21:59 on 18 March 2011  Report this post
Always good to find new smilies, but the central idea here chimes with me too, there is definitely something knowing about babies. Newborns anyway. They still don't seem quite 'here' yet I think and are looking elsewhere. A very good subject for a poem. I enjoyed this.

Cheers, Kirsty
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Katy Kat at 11:13 on 19 March 2011  Report this post
Thanks Oonah. That sounds like good practice! I will give it a go!
best wishes
Kate
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Katy Kat at 11:14 on 19 March 2011  Report this post
Thanks Kirsty. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Best wishes
kate
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Findy at 16:00 on 20 March 2011  Report this post
Hi Kate

Enjoyed the poem, liked the idea very much. Come to think of it, their eyes do have a depth as though they know all the secrets of the world.

findy
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Katy Kat at 18:19 on 20 March 2011  Report this post
Thanks Findy!
Best wishes
Kate
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crowspark at 19:38 on 20 March 2011  Report this post
Reminds me so accurately of when I held up my first born son. Although I rather felt he wasn't paying attention to his angel, and like Pinochio was also in need of a conscience.

A very nice poem.

Bill
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Katy Kat at 19:53 on 20 March 2011  Report this post
Bless him! I hope he found it eventually??

Thanks Bill

kate
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